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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

17 year old son - drugs and hatred for parents

38 replies

Kareninfrance · 04/05/2017 22:57

Having major issues with our 17 year old too. He has changed from the most loving considerate boy to a complete stranger. We keep finding home made bongs in his bedroom and bathroom - he has no respect at all, has trashed his bedroom and all he says to us is f**k off bitch, etc. He wants us to kick him out but we won't do it - don't know where he would go to live. We tonight removed his bedroom and bathroom doors so we csn smell if he is doing anything. It was his 17th on Sunday but didn't geh him anything as he keeps saying he wants nothing from us and told md if I got him anything he would smash it. He spit at le too on Saturday. I feel tonight I have made it worse (if tgat was even possible) as I was sick of being ignored and forced the issue. There is no support available at all and I am at my wits end. Any. Advice please.

OP posts:

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BigSandyBalls2015 · 04/05/2017 23:19

No idea but bumping for you

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 06/05/2017 08:01

How long has this behaviour been like this? A part of me thinks 0 tolerance to drugs in house, if you smell it or he does it in the house report him to police. Refer to addaction for advice cancel phone (if you pay), stop money.

Kareninfrance · 30/05/2017 05:44

Update - we live in France so think slightly different I don't know with social services.

Two weeks ago I dropped him off to meet his friends and agreed to pick him up at 7pm. He wasn't there and refused to answer his phone but texted me to say he was staying out and that I did not need to know who with or where. Turns out that he hitch hiked 20 km to a jazz festival that is ln for the week that lozds of hippy types go to where drugs are rife.

He texted me at 12.30 to say did we want him to come home. Refused to talk to us apart from telling us to fuck off and tgzt he could do what hd wants. He spent the sunday in bed. Tuesday morning I tried to talk to him to find out if he was stuck in a cycle of something that he didn't want to be in but didn't know how to get out of. The whole time I was speaking he kept saying fuck off fuck you over and over. He then put his head phones in which I am afraid yo szy I went to yank off him. He raised his fist as my husband was walking past then all hell broke lose. He bit my husband and hit him 3 times with a plank of wood.

Long story short - I rang my parents (also in france) and asked them to take him for a couple of days until he had calmed down.

They then let him stay out for a full 48 hours until the Friday morning without a clue where he was staying or how he was eating or drinking as he had no money. He tten slept all Friday and then they took him out again at 2pm on the Saturday and didn't see him again yill 8pm Sunday night. again no money for food drink etc. I am fuming - turned out he stayed at soleobes house who the police are watching for drug dealing (my eldest found this out).

M mum will not give him any boundaries as she says she will not 'control' him. Meaning we are.

He refuses to come home.

Went yo see social services yesterday who had spoken to our doctor. She wants to have him hospitalised as she says he is at risk! If we don't do it she will enforce it. She says there are so many problems with drugs now that more kids are having mental health problems and commiting suicide.

She has agreed to give us a couple of days to think about what we go and said that if we get him home and he sees drugs councillors and psychologists weekly she will accept that to see how it goes.

Went to se him last night to talk about it to him and he won't listen. His pupiks were massive anx all the time we were spesking was the fuck off fuck you over and over again.

What fo we do?

OP posts:

Copperas · 30/05/2017 06:11

Take the drs advice. He is in a place where he can't cooperate with you. At 17 I think you may need to make this decision for him. Much sympathy for you.

Iamastonished · 30/05/2017 06:28

I agree with Copperas.
I feel for you.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 30/05/2017 06:55

Take the DRs advice. He clearly has drug issues - not just a bit of recreational weed, which many young people dabble in without issue.

However I think it's quite normal for a teen to hitchhike, attend hippy festivals, hang out without cash, want to be in bed for hours, not to be bothered with food.

I don't think you should have taken the doors off the hinges or grabbed his headphones. Probably the best time to talk to him is when he's up after sleeping rather then when he's high on something.

I can understand that you're very worried about your DS. I would be too. He's completely changed.

What does he do? Is he studying? What are his hobbies or interests?

user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 07:02

What does the doctor mean, by saying she will enforce it, how could she?

flapjackfairy · 30/05/2017 07:14

Sounds like the dr means section him for his own safety. If she is willing to hospitalise him i would let her.
This is a nightmare for you all. Whatever he has taken it sounds like it has made him psychotic . It has happened to my friends daughter who was sectioned twice, she had a long history of drug and alcohol abuse but when she took black mamba it went to a different level. Do you have any idea what he is using?
I am sorry you are having to deal with this and send best wishes xxx

user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 07:24

I don't see anything that indicates psychosis, it might be different in France, but people are sectioned not because they take drugs.

user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 07:25

not sectioned because they take drugs.

wannabestressfree · 30/05/2017 07:45

They sectioned my son at 14 for drug induced psychosis which became a long term illness but it was the making of him. He is now at uni full time and really happy. I don't doubt if we had stood by and done nothing he would have died.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/05/2017 07:47

Sounds a nightmare, but I'm surprised you could section someone for dabbling in drugs?

It all sounds really stressful op, and that you're butting heads.

Can he not go and stay with your parents longer term? I know you think they give him too much freedom, but better that than fighting with your husband and possible section isn't it?

Taking his doors off is unacceptable, I know you're desperately trying to draw some lines, and it must be so hard, but he's 17, he could move out and there wouldn't be anything you could do.

I hope you find a way forward, good luck

BastardGoDarkly · 30/05/2017 07:49

wannabe I'm so glad your sons ok now

Ledkr · 30/05/2017 08:04

If its sectioning then yes I'd go for it too. We cannot tell from a few lines if he's psychotic but he does seem to be at risk. He's going to end up with a criminal record at the very least so a section is the lesser of two evils imo.
What a nightmare for you.

Kareninfrance · 30/05/2017 08:44

Hi, I have a 19 year old too so know about them hitchiking etc and going to festivals. It is just that drugs are so readilly available and my mum did not try to find out where he was staying, etc plus it was in the 30°s here this week and no money for drinks etc.

We took his doors off as he was smoking and using bongs in his bedroom and bathroom and my eldest friend has just burnt his parents house down by smoking in it.

OP posts:

Kareninfrance · 30/05/2017 08:46

They consider him at risk of suicide if he is taking drugs and acting the way he is acting so he is in danger himself. They consider us as not looking after him properly by 'allowing' this behavoir.

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Kareninfrance · 30/05/2017 08:47

He cannot move out at 17 in France as he is considered a minor and our responsibility till he is 18

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user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 08:48

Has he expressed any suicidal ideas?

bruffian · 30/05/2017 08:49

He does sound borderline psychotic and Im surorised at the posters saying not a case for sectioning.

My brother was sectioned at 19 for drug induced paranoia and violence. It was the best thing that could have happened. He's in his 30s now and living a relatively normal life.

user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 08:57

What is in op'spost that makes you think he's borderline psychotic?

BakewellSliceAgain · 30/05/2017 09:00

Biting the father and hitting him with with a piece of wood isn't normal.

user1471456357 · 30/05/2017 09:08

It isn't an indication of psychosis either.

BakewellSliceAgain · 30/05/2017 09:26

The doctor has seen him irl.

bluejelly · 30/05/2017 09:37

In my experience it's very difficult to stop teens taking drugs. If they're going to, they will.
I smoked weed every day at that age - by 19 I had got bored with it and haven't smoked it since.
I think removing the bathroom doors is extreme! Teens need privacy. In fact we all do.
I'm v sorry about your friend burning the house down.
Do you have smoke alarms fitted?

Kareninfrance · 30/05/2017 09:39

Things have been going downhill for the past few months - drop in grades, missing classes, not speaking, not eating properly either at home nor going to the canteen at school, being very secretive. Then the language started and has got progressively worse, he now just says over and over again fuck off fuck you fuck off fuck you with his fingers in his ears. How can you hope to communicate with someone like that. We have tried to negotiate with him we have always been open with him and his brother and I especially had a very strong and close relationship with him until about 8 months ago. He has been stealing any medication - sleeping tablets, ibuprofen, etc, he can get his hands on - cannot leave anything lying around at all.

Problem now is that the social worker says she will make the decision for us. My mum has just screeched down the phone at me that she will not allow them to take him from her house and they will have to take him from school!!!

Just had a text to say he is not at lycee!

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