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Advice with 17 year old daughter missing school

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Smurfette123x Thu 27-Apr-17 20:29:00

Long story shorter. I have a daughter who is going on 17. She was a real sunshinegirl when she was little. We moved house when she was 13 from a place where she had lots of friends to somewhere where she struggled to fit in and was bullied. She became unhappy and depressed, anxious and hateful, she no longer goes to this school. She is mostly a nice kid/ teen at home a good sister and has got her self a job in addition to school. All in all I view her as a good kid, although sometimes she says things that just throw me. Now because she has missed a whomping amount of schooldays, despite all the warnings she has got from the school and from me (her mother) she still did not get documentation for her absense and is now on the verge of dropping out or not getting grades in subjects. I have also seen the past few years that she is very (embarrassingly) disrespectful to her teachers, which never wins her any points with them. She will berate her teachers and behaves like a spoiled brat towards them, it is horrible and I have no idea why she thinks she can treat them that way, especially because all I do is talk positively about them and try to get her to understand... She will also speak negatively about her peers that are not her type of people and will be down right mean about them for no reason. At home though she is a good kid and a good sister mostly.
She got this school place because of her bullying issues and people had sympathy, but she has managed to kill any sympathy by acting totally horribly towards the staff. How and why is my daughter a totally different person at home then elsewhere? I used to get angry with her for her bad behaviour, but I have found the stress of getting angry and frustrated with her will surely kill me one day so I have given up on that, also she will if I get angry... go over to explaining to me how she suffers from depression and hates herself, so being strict does not work if it means she will blackmale me with cutting herself and how horrible it was for her in school etc. This blackmale has made it very hard for me to do anything at all with her behaviuor issues.
And I also feel the staff at the schools she has gone to all think that she pulls wool over my eyes and that I am being played by her. I do fear, that all her good behaviour is just a trick to get what she wants, but there is not much I can do if her behaviour is good. I do not see daily how she treats her teachers, only on a few occasions. I worry about her self esteem issues after the bullying, but also worry that it is just a way for her to get what she wants. She is not unknown to lie to me about serious things and manipulate this has happend a handful of times in her life.
After we moved she kept in contact with her old friends and started visiting them in a near by town once in a week I gave her a lot of freedom in order to keep meeting friends. I felt it was important for her to have these friends. As a result of whatever.... her friends have become more important then anything to her, more important then school and family.
She envies her siblings who do better then her at school, but won't listen to me when I tell her she would do well too if she would prioritize school. I also tell her that she doesn't have to be like them, she can do her own thing, cause I don't care if she works at Tesco as long as she is happy, but she wants to become a lawyer, which is impossible if she does what she is doing, skipping lessons and not prioritizing school prioritizing friends.
I am wondering if anyone has had experiences that might help me with this.

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