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15 year old daughter not coming home

(95 Posts)
nervesshredded Sun 23-Apr-17 19:03:25

Name changer

As the title says I'm having lots of trouble with my 15 year old. Anytime she's in trouble or she just feels like it - she doesn't come home.

She should have been home at 2 today to revise (stopped at a friends last night) she wanted to stay out later - I said no as she has a lot of school work and bedroom is a shit tip. She hasn't come home. I know she's with her friends and is taking the piss.

She has done this 5 times now, twice staying out all night with dodgy characters. I will have to call the police which means wasting their time again.

Her attitude when she doesn't get her own way is awful. I've really had enough and the stress is putting a strain on the whole family.

We haven't had one weekend recently where she hasn't cause problems.

She is a clever, bright girl who is well loved and has a nice comfortable home. I love her obviously but I don't like her very much at the moment. I've really had enough of this constant trouble and tension in the house.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

nervesshredded Mon 24-Apr-17 00:50:23

Well she's still not home and the police are looking for her. Absolutely shattered and so angry to be in this position again.

Realise I'm waffling to myself!

AnneofGreenGablesAgain Mon 24-Apr-17 00:56:26

I'm just sending you some flowers

AntigoneJones Mon 24-Apr-17 00:56:49

Are you on your own ?
What a worry for you. Sorry I have no advice...sad

TheFlyingFauxPas Mon 24-Apr-17 00:57:24

Crikey. Is it really a police matter? I stayed out at 15. I came home. Got in trouble. Surely they have more serious things to do than looking for a teen who is quite frankly, doing what teens do.

AnneofGreenGablesAgain Mon 24-Apr-17 00:58:35

We've had some teens like this in extended family. All now in better places and productive members of society - this too shall pass.

It sounds very hard but you sound like you try very hard to see the good in her.

nervesshredded Mon 24-Apr-17 01:22:04

Thanks for the responses. I'm not on my own but I've made my DP go to bed as he has an 6am start.

Yes it's a police matter. I had been driving round looking as has my DP, for hours, before I rang the police.

She's with a friend but as they are under 16 and no one knows where they are I (and the other girls mum) have reported to the police. I certainly didn't do this when I was a teenager.

I appreciate the police have better things to do, I wish my selfish daughter didn't put me in this position again and again, but here I am.

LornaD40 Mon 24-Apr-17 01:22:18

Nerves - it's not wasting police time (although would be better if she didn't do it and they didn't have to be called obviously!)

Have the police/school/SS offered any advice? Going 'missing', even if just overnight, and particularly is hanging around with dodgy characters, puts her at risk of CSE. I'm not sure where you are or what's available in your area, but local to us is a Barnardos service for YP who have missing episodes, even if only a few times.
Again not sure what services are in place but maybe start by speaking to school and ask to be signposted.

nervesshredded Mon 24-Apr-17 01:34:36

I have flagged with school and she has spoken to Barnados etc. She has had counselling/ information sessions at school and externally re CSE and I am terrified of that prospect.

Frankly she does it because she wants to. She seems to gravitate towards girls who have no boundaries at home and often some issues. However she knows right from
Wrong and knows this is unacceptable in our family.

These instances of going missing started last June so it doesn't sound a lot but there have been 3 in the last 3 months. Mainly when she doesn't get her own way.

I have tried everything, removing phones/wifi etc, grounding, talking and I am in close contact with school. I realise I sound like an ineffectual parent and maybe I am, I am at my wits end.

highinthesky Mon 24-Apr-17 01:34:42

YANBU. She is your responsibility and needs to understand her boundaries. It sounds like you need to toughen up your parenting style post haste. Start by sharing your concerns with her school because her teachers will be a good indicator of any changes they have seen.

I hope the police find her safe and well flowers

AnneofGreenGablesAgain Mon 24-Apr-17 07:04:14

High, where in op's post does it sound as though she isn't tough enough?

Empireoftheclouds Mon 24-Apr-17 07:09:44

Hope she is home safe

Boooooom Mon 24-Apr-17 07:16:41

Op I hope your daughter comes home safely. My younger sister did this when she was 14, ran away for weeks at a time, it was all very stressful for my parents, siblings and I. My DM (DF worked away) tried soft/hard approaches, so many things but my sister was determined to do whatever she wanted regardless.
There is so little support for teenagers/parents that don't have an actual 'problem'.
She did eventually work out whatever she was going through (we are close but she will not discus this period of her life with me) and is now very happy and stable.
No advice to offer as such just hope she sees sense and sorts herself out. Hang in there x

Groovee Mon 24-Apr-17 07:19:57

Hoping she's home OP. What a worry x

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 24-Apr-17 07:20:33

Of course it's a police matter, and I think that being critical of OPs parenting is unhelpful too. Teenagers are wilful, and in with a bad crowd will do things they know not to do. What matters is getting her home, safely, the rest can come later.
OP, I hope either you or the police have found her. Hang in there, it's not easy, I know flowers

Desperateforsleepzzzz Mon 24-Apr-17 07:20:38

No advice but I've been there flowers

My DD is exactly the same , currently she is much more compliant since she got a boyfriend. However he's a complete ass to her so just replaced 1 worry with another. Your 100% doing the right thing calling the police.

nervesshredded Mon 24-Apr-17 07:33:51

Thanks.

No she isn't home. Police have no updates and I was out again myself at 3am.

Her battery is dead now I think, not that she was responding to my calls and messages.

I know she is with her friends and likely safe and well but I feel sick with worry. I'm absolutely exhausted and at the end of my tether.

RedDahlia Mon 24-Apr-17 07:40:35

Oh OP, I do hope she's home safe and well this morning.

I imagine you're going through every emotion under the sun. 💐

Desperateforsleepzzzz Mon 24-Apr-17 07:54:22

Oh god how stressful for you, hope she returns soon . Do you think she's likely to go straight to school as she knows you'll be angry?

bluebell34567 Mon 24-Apr-17 07:56:33

do you have her friends phone no?

Penguin27 Mon 24-Apr-17 07:56:53

No advice to offer, but I hope she's found safe and well flowers

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 24-Apr-17 07:58:45

Oh OP you must be exhausted. It's a singularly horrible feeling when your child is AWOL. Hopefully the police will bring her home soon.

MrsMozart Mon 24-Apr-17 08:00:11

My sister used to do this. The number of times I'd get home from a night out and then have to go looking for her. It was a tough few years in that respect. Mum just kept the door open (figuratively) and she came back round of her own accord, but during the period there was nothing mum or the rest of us could do. All I can say is hang in there. I hope she's home soon.

teenagetantrums Mon 24-Apr-17 08:00:54

Hope she's,home. I had horrible year with my DD when she was 15. Not coming home. Hanging out with drug dealers, unsuitable older boyfriends. Police were good at dragging her home and school were excellent. I felt like l was a terrible parent luckily her older brother was a area compared to her so l knew l was doing something right. Anyway long story short at 16 l told her l had enough and she could either live by my rules or leave, she actually calmed down the and is now at uni. So hopefully you will get through this.

nervesshredded Mon 24-Apr-17 09:20:06

No she's not home. My DP has been all over again looking for her but no joy. Her friend hasn't been in contact with her mum either.

School are really good but what can they do. It's on us, as it should be, but nothing is working. She doesn't care about anyone but herself at the moment.

She's doing very well at school and predicted to get A/B in her exams, but that will suffer if she carries on.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks for the replies, makes me a little less alone!

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