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My 12yo son is watching porn

(15 Posts)
honeyJD Sun 23-Apr-17 14:36:58

I am horrified. I was in the loo and came downstairs to find him in the living room watching porn on his phone. He's 12 and a half and is well into puberty. I have parental locks on his laptop and thought his phone did too, clearly not. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was listening to music. Do I raise this as an issue with him? Is it normal? Help please!

LettuceMash Sun 23-Apr-17 18:22:00

Err..yes raise it as an issue. 12 is way too young. You need to put parental locks on his phone too

0dfod Sun 23-Apr-17 18:26:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2014newme Sun 23-Apr-17 18:29:39

Not ok.

You need to take Internet safety a lot more seriously. Digital parenting magazine is good, our school send it out free.

LonginesPrime Sun 23-Apr-17 18:48:19

OP, first, don't panic - it's normal to be curious and most of us have been there at some point (as either the child, the parent or both).

You've got a great opportunity to discuss it with him rationally like the young adult he is and to open the dialogue about sex and relationships in a way that means he'll come to you for advice in the future and won't feel shame about having sexual feelings or being curious.

1) He's naturally curious about sex, so ask him if he has any questions and talk them through.

2) Talk to him about the damage porn does and about how unreliable and unrealistic it is as a guide to sex. He will inevitably see porn again at some point in the future, and I believe it's better for teenagers to be able to 'read' porn appropriately and to see it for what it is as opposed to pretending it doesn't exist. You can't shield them from everything, but you can teach them what it means and to respond appropriately.

3) As PPs have said, sort your wifi/internet security out.

LonginesPrime Sun 23-Apr-17 18:51:02

Also, are you sure he wasn't watching a music video that just looked like a porno? I find it hard to tell the difference sometimes so he might not have actually sought out porn deliberately.

Still an opportunity for a grown up conversation, either way, though!

thebakerwithboobs Sun 23-Apr-17 19:12:36

Also OP, remember that parental controls don't necessarily block everything. We have what we thought were pretty bomb proof parental controls on ours as our youngest is only ten. However, our twenty year old came home and tested them for us (out of the kindness of his heart grin) and although all porn sites etc. are blocked, when he put 'naked men' into Google on his phone and did an image search the results made my eyes water. I know you haven't had it suggested as an approach, but please don't just say nothing and quietly change your internet settings....

specialsubject Sun 23-Apr-17 19:49:06

Take brick away and replace with small light cheap text and talk job, cost under a tenner.

He cannot be exposed to this stuff at twelve.

honeyJD Sun 23-Apr-17 20:24:52

I've had a discussion with him about what I saw earlier in a non confrontational manner. Now looking into android apps to help block this stuff and going to start limiting the time he has with his phone when at home, which will be a good practice anyway not just for the porn side of things.

user1493039376 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:26:38

You're very naive if you think your kids can't get past those filters, plus they don't filter all porn, like porn on Twitter or Tumblr.

Squeegle Mon 24-Apr-17 21:29:35

This is the problem, the kids are pretty savvy, they know all about vpns etc, so we do have to be careful. Norton family premier seems quite good to me. If he has an iPhone. I think it's actually normal for boys to be very curious, the conversation about porn is the best thing.

LonginesPrime Mon 24-Apr-17 21:31:29

Also, they'll see porn in the playground or after school on friends' phones, etc at some point. You can only police so much. Which is why it's so important they understand the impact of porn and they understand what it depicts and what it doesn't.

In my view, arming kids with that knowledge is much more useful than kidding yourself that you can shield them from everything.

When he gets to 18, I'd far rather my teenage son knows about porn and the realities of the industry as opposed to thinking 'everyone watches it and this is how everyone's sex life is'.

user1493039376 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:55:15

"Norton family premier seems quite good to me"

Does it block all the porn available on Tumblr and Twitter?

Does it block sites like Startpage that allow you to use a proxy server?

As far as Im concerned these filters are a waste of money and time because they're so easy to get past, and all the kid has to do is type into Google - "How do I bypass porn filters".

The only way you're going to stop your kid looking at porn is to ban them from the internet or be right beside them when they use it.

user1493039376 Mon 24-Apr-17 21:57:23

@LonginesPrime

I think your approach is the correct.

LilacMarin19 Fri 28-Apr-17 02:32:09

Yeah, you need to talk to him.

That was around the age I started reading 18+ Fanfiction. I was never interested in porn, but I loved reading it at that age, particularly gay porn about Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy, aha. Luckily I grew up with my Grandparents who simply weren't that tech-savvy. Parental controls also don't block everything.

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