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At my wits end with DS age 17 - please help

(7 Posts)
lucie1919 Wed 19-Apr-17 17:58:41

Hi all thanks for reading. My eldest DS is 17 and in 1 year has transformed from a likable but lazy boy to a horror. He refused to go on to sixth form and instead wanted to go to the local college to do A' levels but lasted 2 months. He started hanging around with a new group of people who hang around in parks and smoke drugs. This group is made up of 16 to 21 year olds and I don't know any of them. (Am I the only person who has concerns about a 21 yr old who hangs around in parks?) Anyway he was formally kicked out of college just before Christmas and has been transferred to a skills for work course with unpaid work experience. Over the last few months he has been coming home later and later to the point where I no longer see him. I have tried grounding him and he just does his time before reverting back to the old behaviour. He has no money as both I and his father have cut him off financially. However he still seems to be able to snoke, drink and take drugs. He came home a few weeks ago and seemed to be on something harder than cannabis. He kept the his little brother and me awake all night. I grounded him and again he served his time and then reverted back. He has now been "sacked" from his unpaid job! For not turning up. I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing I do has any impact. I've thought of kicking him out to give him a wake up call but he's only 17 and I don't think I could do it. He's throwing his life away and I don't know what to do!

Trying2bgd Wed 19-Apr-17 23:12:22

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice but am hoping someone else will. Bump

AnyFucker Wed 19-Apr-17 23:17:16

Please don't kick him out. Presently he has a safe space with you. Unless he is abusive, violent or stealing stuff from you of course.

Could you get him to look at apprenticeships in something he is interested in ? The Armed Forces ?

endofthelinefinally Wed 19-Apr-17 23:19:21

There is virtually no help out there for drug addiction.
It is likely that he is using and dealing - if he has no other source of income.
Does he have a phone/laptop? If so, who pays for those?
I can only suggest you do some research via voluntary organisations/charities who support the families of addicts.
You may want to discuss with them whether you should involve the police.
I don't have any answers. I couldn't help my own son. I still don't know what I could/should have done.

lucie1919 Thu 20-Apr-17 00:45:40

He has an interview with the army next week but not sure if he will go or if they'll accept him. He is stealing from me but on a small scale at the moment, I don't want to kick him out but just I have no idea what to do!

endofthelinefinally Thu 20-Apr-17 04:46:35

If he is stealing from you he is probably stealing elsewhere.
Lock up all your valuables.
The army might save him but not if he turns up under the influence.
Phone FRANK.
The fact that he is under 18 might give you a chance to get him some help. Once he is 18 you wont be able to intervene on his behalf.
I am so sorry.

endofthelinefinally Thu 20-Apr-17 04:56:01

Can you remove him from the area/ drug buddies? Do you have any friends or relatives that could physically put him in a car and take him elsewhere for a couple of weeks?
He may owe money to a supplier so if he could be away from home it would be better for all of you.
You need to get as much information as you can, fast. As I said, once he is 18 your chances of doing anything diminish rapidly.

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