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Teenage girl done AWOL(4 Posts)
bit of a long one I'm afraid - my daughter has always been strong minded but over the last months has taken it beyond just being a teenager - she has been brought up in an environment of balance between discipline and allowing to make some of her own decisions - a middle class family life with a loving family including a very hands on grandmother - she often calls me words beginning with c, idiot etc and has not been focusing on revision - in fact in 10 days has done about 2 hours which worries me for her future - she seems to think she is bright and will wing it - her grades have slipped and her mocks were well below what she is capable of as she didn't revise. But this holiday I am exasperated, the beginning of the holidays last she wanted to stay out for 3 days which I allowed to so she could get it out of her system but I knew where she was. Friday to Sunday this weekend she was her nice normal self we even had lunch which is in heard of then of Sunday she went to a party in a club - promised me she would be home 0130 with her friend but arrived at 0230 but switched her location settings off and ignored all mind and her dads messages so we were up with worry. Last night told me she was staying with a particular friend but I could tell wasn't there from location settings, when I asked she blocked me and her father - finally I spoke to her today 24 hours after seeing her and he response is she doesn't like us and can do what she wants - with massive attitude and in fact has told me she isn't coming home til Friday . all I have ever asked for is I know where she is so she is safe - appreciate at times I might like what she tells me but that's my problem so I have tried to be reasonable and just don't know what to do to get her to be respectful as I don't think its right for a 16 year girl to not have contact - its like its a game - i'll be damned if I ignore her to try and teach a lesson and am clearly damned by trying to support her - anyone else having the same experiences ?
She's 16 and thinks she knows everything OP.
I think you're damned if you do and damned if you don't in this situation. If she bombs at school at least it will show her she's not bulletproof (she can always go and study later once her hormones have settled down.)
I'd be taxiing her to and from places in order to ensure her safety. If she won't play ball don't pay her phone bill. Cut off the internet. Whatever it takes to make her realise you can make things very shit for her if she won't treat you with a modicum of respect.
But yeah, sounds like rampant hormones. You just need to pick your battles unfortunately.
The thing is she probably can wing her exams and get at least what she need to get into 6th form, or whatever she wants to do next year.
She has a comfortable life and knows you will love and support her unconditionally. She's going to push the boundaries to I'd make them a bit tighter and lay down the law re being home by midnight etc.
I wouldn't even bother nagging about revision as realistically it'll make no difference.
It's a thing some of them seem to do unfortunately. You just have to keep trying your best and showing her you love her and hopefully she'll come out the other side of it safely. I remember grounding my 15 year old at one point and thinking 'what the heck will I do if she goes out' but it was fine. Remember it's okay to say yes to things sometimes and keep reinforcing the need to know where you are scenario. It helped my dd when I said "have I ever come and gate crashed a party you are at?" And she realised I wasn't going to stalk her. I do know some of her friends don't tell their parents where they are, so I just tell them they can call me any time. Hopefully your dd knows a safe adult who would call you in an emergency.
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