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Reasonable time for a 16 yo to get home at night

(31 Posts)
chocolateworshipper Fri 07-Apr-17 21:11:59

Neither DH or I had normal childhoods, so we struggle to know what is normal at different stages of our DCs upbringing. DD is 16 and in Y12. What is a reasonable time to make her get home at night? Thanks for any advice.

BackforGood Fri 07-Apr-17 23:43:38

I've never had a set time for any of my dc.
To my mind, I want to know where they are, what they are doing, and how they are getting home, or where they are staying.

So if you went for an arbitary 10.30 - that would be far too late if they were loitering in the park, but unreasonably early if someone is having a party. Or, to be frank if they were attending something like a quiz that didn't finish until then.

I expect them to understand, that if they are out really late one, two, or three nights, they still have to be up for school throughout the week, or up for any other commitments. I've tried to help them to learn, over time, about having an early night for a few days, if they've had little sleep one weekend with mixed results in different dc. I think that helps them a lot more than a draconian iron rule - it's about helping them learn to manage themselves.

corythatwas Sat 08-Apr-17 00:17:33

Exactly what BackForGood said. At this age, it becomes increasingly about dialogue rather than set rules.

titchy Sat 08-Apr-17 00:30:07

Depends of what they're doing and when. School night 'hanging out' - back by 10. Pub or Party at weekend needing me to pick up - 12.00 latest. Club getting taxi home - 3.00. Sleepover - noon next day.

chocolateworshipper Sat 08-Apr-17 08:24:31

Thank you all so much for your help - it all makes a lot of sense

Ifailed Sat 08-Apr-17 08:41:32

Pub or Party at weekend needing me to pick up - 12.00 latest. Club getting taxi home - 3.00

Pub, Club - at 16?

MrsJayy Sat 08-Apr-17 08:45:15

What a Pp said where are they what they doing general rule at that age and still at school was be in by 10 unless somewhere specific

MrsJayy Sat 08-Apr-17 08:47:03

Never mind pub Club at 16 shock

Desperateforsleepzzzz Sat 08-Apr-17 08:48:48

I think 10pm at 16 is a bit early!

Violetcharlotte Sat 08-Apr-17 08:56:36

Like others have said, it depends what they are doing. If it's just 'out' on a weekend night I tell DS2 ((15) 10, if he's at someone's house I'm more relaxed and normally say 12, bit slot f the time it's a sleepover. He doesn't tend to go out on school nights really.

Desperateforsleepzzzz Sat 08-Apr-17 08:59:41

I say 10.30 on a school night and 12.30 latest at weekends

MrsJayy Sat 08-Apr-17 09:03:21

On a School night and if they are just out 10 isnt really that early if they were down the park surrounding neighbours complained about noise or at a friends house parents might be itching for them to go home so 10ish was a reasonable time, as i said it all depended in what they were doing .

booellesmum Sat 08-Apr-17 09:08:02

On a school night 10.00.
Weekend about 11.00 - unless out at a concert then 12.00.
I would be picking up if wasn't getting a lift though.
If she was coming home alone it would be a lot earlier/ before dark.

titchy Sat 08-Apr-17 10:38:44

Pub/club - the dc in question is in 6th form. I was certainly going to pubs in sixth form!

Besides which dd has been to several privately hired events at clubs which were open to under 18s as well as 18+.

BackforGood Sat 08-Apr-17 14:24:31

I was too Titchy,, But my dc have explained to me that they get ID'd on the door - can't even get in to be with friends even if not intending to drink. it's a different world out there now. I hear you can get false Id / borrow your sibling's, but IME, the culture is just different, and not many of either of my dcs' sets of friends bother to try as we did when we were young.

Earlybird Sat 08-Apr-17 14:35:57

DD doesn't go out on school nights socially unless a special occasion. When that is the case, she comes home when the event is over (concert, dinner out, etc). But it requires working ahead / planning for homework workload.

On weekends, we discuss each event individually. In our case it is not too complicated / tense because she isn't a 'go hang out' sort of child. She tends to go somewhere specific to do something specific, so setting a time to be home hasn't been an issue. Yet.......I know that time is coming! grin

TheSecondOfHerName Sat 08-Apr-17 15:29:00

Eldest is 17 and in Y12. He goes out about twice a week.

We ask him to be home by 11pm if there's school the next day, otherwise 1am.

titchy Sat 08-Apr-17 16:21:28

True they do get ID'd now - and dd is 18 now so not an issue. But there are a couple of pubs that don't check if you arrive at 5pm and drink coke till someone who is 18 can buy you alcohol. Also under 18s can get into clubs if they're privately hired - again that happens not infrequently.

Floofborksnootandboop Sat 08-Apr-17 22:53:50

I stopped giving them times by that age, they knew the right time to home and what works fkr them.

If they have college/work and are too tired or not doing well because of tiredness or going out instead of doing HW then they knew I'd start giving them times. Haven't had to yet.

If they had sleepovers I wouldn't expect them to even be up by noon let alone home confused Usually they won't be back until late evening and most the time they text me to tell me they are staying out a second night 😂 I draw the line at 2 nights in a row though.

Fairylea Sat 08-Apr-17 22:59:28

Pub / club at 16?! shock Not here.

I think 11 at the latest is fine if it's a party or a friends house. I'd pick up or other parent drop off.

BertrandRussell Sat 08-Apr-17 23:05:13

Surely it depends what they are doing? My 16 year old is currently on his way home from a gig in London and won't be back til about 1.00. An 11.00 curfew just wouldn't work.

LovingLola Sat 08-Apr-17 23:10:27

My 16 year old does not go to pubs or clubs either. Mind you she is still in school (in 4th year and 2 more years to go) so not a college student either.

Iamastonished Sat 08-Apr-17 23:15:53

Student socials (for 6th form students) are held in a club, and end at 1 am. DD went to the first one and gated it. She also had her bag nicked. She hasn't been to any more.

The club us very lax about checking ID, and loads of 16 and 17 year olds can barely walk by the end if the evening.

MajesticWhine Sat 08-Apr-17 23:19:16

16 year old DD got back at 1.00am the other night which was ok, because it was a party and she had a long way to travel back. On a regular night we usually agree about 10.30. But during term time we don't really let her go out mid week at all unless there is a very good reason.

titchy Sat 08-Apr-17 23:52:03

The OP's dc is a sixth former - not year 11. It is different... Sixth formers do pubs and clubs.

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