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Teaanage DD 14, left out wdid?

(9 Posts)
Winenotindeed Thu 06-Apr-17 23:07:35

My DD has been on a school trip abroad and whilst away, was deliberately left out by a popular outgoing girl. Took photos without her when she wa standing with a crowd for example. Since home, popular girl had a bday party and excluded my daughter, they all left school together and DD felt awful. I don't know what I can do or say, if anything to support her. Do I have to just help her put it down to one of life's hard lessons? I need help here, feel awful for her thx

Zippydoodah Thu 06-Apr-17 23:11:04

We have the same. I encourage her to make new friends and spoke to her teacher. I do find the so called popular kids are often horrible and tend to lose their popularity after school

duvetdaisydo Fri 07-Apr-17 07:48:47

I have encouraged my dd to stay away from the popular crowd from Day One. There is nothing good there - they get up to all sorts of behaviour that isn't age appropriate, you don't need that kind of peer pressure. Encourage her to find new friends, friendships issues are very tough to deal with, but very common at this age.

Winenotindeed Fri 07-Apr-17 08:24:50

She's not part of a popular group per se and she doesn't mind not being friends with this girl, what upset her is the embarrassment of being left out. All the other girls were invited and the assumption was that she would have been too. It's just mean passive bullying in my view. Looking for advise as to what I can say to support her

Zippydoodah Fri 07-Apr-17 09:28:56

They are not real friends if she is not included. That is what I say to mine. You get all kinds of excuses eg numbers but if you're proper friends you are the numbers

tireddotcom72 Fri 07-Apr-17 09:38:23

We had massive problems with this earlier in year dd was being deliberately left out by her group of friends they would then do stuff without her and include her in whatsapp Snapchat messages so she would see pictures of the things she wasn't invited to. It was a horrible few months and dd was really unhappy but she has now made a new group of friends and although the bullying (school got involved and agreed this was bullying) was horrible at the time it has made her very aware of how people treat each other and when her group of friends arrange stuff my dd is always making sure no one is made to feel excluded.

Teenage girls can be so horrible! And the girls that were horrible in our case weren't the popular girls! They were the quiet ones!

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:44:46

Happened to mine around age 14 too so you have my sympathies - the alpha female in the group decided she wanted DD out - its horrible to see their disappointment. I encouraged mine to make her way into a different group - it was a less "popular" group and IMO, a nicer bunch of girls. The original group eventually tired of the dominating girl and one by one left that group - this was over a year or so. Ironically DD is now very friendly with the girl who ousted her as they ended up in the same class and she is a much nicer person now. At the time, I tried to help DD see this was a reflection of the other girl, not her and just to generally try to use it to develop resilience - she now understands this sort of group dynamics more. But its hideous at the time.

JustDanceAddict Mon 10-Apr-17 12:44:15

It's hideous and I've seen it with my DD too - nothing worse than being left out. Easy to say 'find another group', but often they are established at this age.
Also seen it at work recently when some people not invited to a party -I overheard a convo & asked my friend what was going on! it doesn't stop...

swingofthings Mon 10-Apr-17 17:35:04

Two choices. She tries to breach communication to understand why she reacted as she did. Most likely, there was some misunderstanding and the girl assumed your DD said/did something she didn't. Maybe through talking it through it could all get resolved.

Or she gets over the embarrassment, if she has done nothing wrong, then she has nothing to be ashamed of, and she tries to make new friends.

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