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How can I help my teenage son who's going off the rails?

(3 Posts)
Boostbaby Fri 31-Mar-17 11:27:54

Dear Ladies,

My son is finding life hard. He was expelled from school a few years back because he got in with the wrong crowd. He started to smoke weed to be the 'cool boy' and as a result found himself kicked out. Rather than this being the catalyst to turning his life around, it has rather had the opposite effect. He did little to no work for his GCSE's, scraping through a few and now is half heartedly attending sixth form college although I am getting more and more complaints that he is not attending from them!

His behaviour at home is shocking, abusive language, slamming doors, etc and on occasion smokes weed on his own. He is stick thin and hardly eats and tells me he is miserable. His friends seem to have disowned him, apart of course, from the rough ones who really are not his friends and I am at a loss as to how to help or what to do for the best.

It has got to the stage where it is greatly affecting the whole of our family life. My husband and I argue over whats best (he is step dad and is not helping with parenting at all unless I beg, and then its half hearted) and my younger son is being terrorised.

It doesn't help that he is 6 ft 5 and menacing. I am terrified he is going to punch me one of these days. Its all so horrific.

I am at a complete loss as to what to do for the best. Do I go in hard and sanction every part of his life or do I play the lets be best friends card?

Any advice most gratefully received. sad

noarguments Fri 31-Mar-17 16:20:37

Hope someone helpful will be along for you soon....
Is he depressed do you think?
I think he needs to know that you're there for him, maybe let him know you're worrying about him (its your job) and maybe you just need to wait til he asks you for help?
Hard when its impacting on on everyone. Maybe some non negotiable ground rules around how he treats you all, but he sounds like he's delicate right now, so I'd worry about going in too hard - he needs to know you're his "safe place".

BigSandyBalls2015 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:59:23

A friend of mine has been through a similar situation and ended up asking her son to leave when he was 18. He now spends his time on 'friends' sofas/floors, and she's worried sick whether she's done the right thing or whether this will push him more into his drug fuelled world but home life is calmer for them and their younger son.

Such a very difficult situation.

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