Hi,
My dd (13, Y8) has been having a rough old time recently. She seems to have lost confidence over the last 12 months or so and apart from her having some private therapy (which I'm considering) I was wondering whether anyone could help?
She has known several of her friends since nursery, and as she has gone through school she has gathered more friends who have joined. I would say that she has a pretty solid group of friends, they have their ups and downs, but on the whole they are supportive, good kids who work hard and have plenty of outside interests and a great attitude.
The trouble is, dd can be very negative and critical - of them and herself, and seems to take offence easily. I admit that she may have inherited that from me as I have a tendency towards low self-esteem and the resultant over-sensitivity, however as I am aware of this I have always tried very hard to play it down, and approach any 'self-victimisation' on her part with a philosophical, almost neutral approach where I encourage her to see both sides of the argument. Dd2, for the record, is the total opposite of this, and is incredibly rose-tinted about everyone!
Most nights recently I have found dd1 crying in bed. She says that she feels totally worthless compared to dd2, who is incredibly popular, sporty, 'talented' in two subjects, funny, and seems to go through life as if it's a breeze. Even dd1s friends all want to be friends with dd2.
I go to great lengths to reassure dd1 that she is wonderful, to remind her of her many fantastic points - she's v bright academically, strikingly attractive, and kind, empathic and emotionally intelligent beyond her years.
Sorry to sound as if I'm bragging, I'm fully aware that neither of them is perfect, but I'm trying to get across the difference in their personalities and why dd1 feels this way and why IMO she really needn't as she has so much going for her.
Dd1 says that she now goes red in class and when she speaks publicly she just wants to burst into tears. She seems to be terrified of coming across as a 'geek' (sorry for any offence caused by that term but it's the one that she uses) and I am concerned that her confidence is getting poorer by the day and just feel at a loss on what to do! We encourage her to do as much sport as possible, and are always keen to help her develop any hobbies and interests.
Can anyone who has been through similar give some advice on how to inject a dose of confidence into their teen dd? I really want to help her and feel at a total loss on what to do. Every night I am hugging her and telling her it's going to be ok but she just seems so sad deep down. Thanks I. Advance.
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Techniques to help 13 yr old dd's confidence?
32 replies
TealStar · 24/03/2017 09:38
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