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dd1 nearly 14 argh!!!

(4 Posts)
SaltySeaDog72 Mon 20-Mar-17 20:12:17

Hi all, posted this time last week about 13dd and he secret sleepover at my house with 2 friends and no adult while I was away for the weekend

dd1 smuggled an old iPhone in her room last Thurs. She loses phone for 24hrs for that - done

Then she was teary and 'I've got no friends' (referring to an argument a weeks ago with one friend) then she is again upstairs lounging around in fashion shorts (god I sound a hundred years old) and sun top (for selfies no doubt) listening to music. She has got quite an attitude. She is tall and intimidating.. and surly. Poor dd2 is slaving over science homework and dd1 had food tech plan to do but claims she did it in school. I have no way of knowing but am not sure j believe her! I pointed out she has french revision for Thurs. she had no real intention of doing that. dd1 in Y7 seems to work 3 times as hard. I feel like dd1 should be knuckling down but quite the opposite. Feel like I have lost control!

I hate this! The music, the attitude, the selfies, the make up. The 'I don't have any homework'. The tears and tantrums when it suits her What am I doing wrong????????

Help!!!!!!!

ofudginghell Mon 20-Mar-17 20:21:05

Your doing nothing wrong but welcome to the world of teenagers grin
I have a nearly 19 yr old ds who seems to have hit the attitude and doing really dumbass things at around 16. He's relatively slightly more organised now but it's still a learning curve grinwink

My dd is nearly 12 and already has the strips and back chatting. She loses internet and phone for them days she's really awful but it's not too often yet hmm

All I can say is pick your arguments wisely.
Some things (like dress at home etc are small in comparison to other things like revision)
If she doesn't revise she will be the one in detention or get not so good grades. It's hard but hopefully she will get consequences at school and will learn from them eventually confused

I've told ds on so many occasions over the last two years till I'm blue in the face about things but he only ever learns when he messes things up and has to sort it out himself or it impacts on him in a practical sense.
He recently bounced his phone bill dd and I gave him an ear bashing about responsibility.
He told me to chill out so I walked away. Two days later e rang me in a panic to say they'd called him and said they wanted nearly £300 for the contract duration and would be cancelling his phone in 24 hours unless he paid the outstanding balance.
He really panicked about it.
I told him the best thing he could do was call them and pay the monthly amount via card over the phone and hope that's enough for them to keep him from getting a debt and a bad credit rating at just 18.

It worked wonders as he now makes sure he has enough in his account to cover it at the right date smile
Lesson learnt

SaltySeaDog72 Mon 20-Mar-17 20:27:25

Yep I hear you! The studying (or not) thing does one wait until they flunk? Take phone away until evidence of making a proper effort? For french she just wrote out one list.

At her age I knew how to learn/revise. She's a totally different kettle of fish!! Keep thinking am gonna have to confiscate phone until some proper work done of an evening. Am a LP and it is hard. Hate hate hate it!

Pointers, pleeeease....

ofudginghell Tue 21-Mar-17 07:29:57

In regards to the not revising,can you not speak to the school on the quiet?
Tell them she's not working at home. They will be able to tell anyway and she will get a swift talk with the subject teachers (not that she will tell you that lol)
Have some boundaries going on.
When ds was 14 we had an internet off at 9pm rule and not on until any homework etc was done once he got in from school.
In my dds school you have ParentMail and the epraise site you can log into and view any outstanding homework etc etc so you can check.
Tell her you know she has homework or revision as you've checked with school and when she's done it and brought it to you she can have the internet back on.
Don't get raised about it as the y want a reaction.
The best thing I learnt was to smile kindly and say it calmly and then carry on with whatever you were doing.
No confrontation will show you are boss. grin

Does she have friends round?or go out in the evenings?

What is her general attitude like at home?
Is she responsible for any jobs at home?

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