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DD15 wants to move out just after her birthday

(141 Posts)
chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 17:54:17

I'm not sure how to feel about this. My DD is 15, and will be 16 in July. Her boyfriend (19-yes I know) is applying for a apprenticeship and if he gets it he will be on £200 a month. This apprenticeship will be about 50 minutes drive away from my house. My DD will be starting college in September and she would qualify for the free college bus there and back and for EMA. She said she would get a part time job and with that and EMA, be able to afford everything needed.
I don't doubt she'd be able to look after herself, even now she's able to be left for the weekend and cook/clean/look after the dogs but it just seems awfully young. I overheard her on the phone to BF and was talking about meal planning and direct debits for bills in a separate account and bill buying and Lidl shops so she's obviously been thinking for this for a while (and I've rubbed off on her by the sounds of it blush) I know it's legal for her to move out but it just doesn't sit right with me. What's your opinion?

Auspiciouspanda Sun 19-Mar-17 17:56:52

Where is she moving? Does he have his own place?

chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 17:59:49

They were thinking of getting a place together. He currently lives at home and she flits between me and her dads. It would be around 25 mins drive from here.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:02:39

I don't like your "19 yes I know". I have a couple of 19'yo dses and I think I'm cross at your implication but I'd be worried about any child of mine - boy or girl - moving out at 16.

I'd just always be there I think, and be overly positive about "great! It will be great! If it doesn't work out sobeit you have a room here"

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:03:02

Smile and wish her well.
Be supportive of their relationship and don't be too smug if she moves back home.
Or do what my dm did when I was 17 and moved out - create merry hell and our relationship never recovered.
Nc for ten years +at 45 now.

PrimeMinistersQuestionables Sun 19-Mar-17 18:04:08

I'm pretty sure that they stopped EMA in 2012? I may be wrong?!
Financially it would be a lot of pressure for her?
Is there any way her and her dp could move in with you/her dad/ his parents.
It seems awfully young. says the fully functioning adult in her mid (if I'm being kind) twenties living with her mum

BastardBloodAndSand Sun 19-Mar-17 18:06:37

Smile and nod

Perfect the smiling and nodding, but be there if needed. That's all you can do.

chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 18:07:13

Through - I just meant as she under 16 atm and he's 19, she/he/me have all had comments regarding this.
I'll tell her I'm fine with it but I can't afford to bail her out if she falls behind on the rent etc (which I really can't).

Crumbs1 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:11:09

You won't need to bail her out - she's under 18 so cannot be held liable for a contract.
I'd not be keen at all - for all sorts of reasons but if she's determined she'll probably do it anyway. Best not to destroy relationships over it.
EMA isn't a thing anymore, is it? They may struggle financially- and I wouldn't be paying out for her whim.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:11:33

It's so young. I was a million miles away from a relationship at her age. But , you are thinking her bf is a man at his age. From my experience with my boys, far from it, essentially they'll be teenagers finding their way.

chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 18:14:15

It may be called something else but definitely the same sort of thing as EMA, her BF gets it atm. I don't have a problem with him at all just to make it clear, he's a lovely lad and treats her really well, I wouldn't worry about them in that regards.

dietstartsmonday Sun 19-Mar-17 18:15:18

How much is the rent where you are? Mine could not pay the rent let alone bills in the amounts given but we are south east

Keepingupwiththejonesys Sun 19-Mar-17 18:15:19

Where does she think she will be able to afford, really? He will be getting 50 pounds a week and her what, maybe 100 a week at the most. 150 pounds a week won't even cover their bills, let alone food shopping etc

alltouchedout Sun 19-Mar-17 18:15:56

I can't see it working for them, but she'll be much more likely to be open and honest with you if there are problems and to come back home when if it all falls apart, if you avoid the role of lecturing doom monger now. Easier said than done of course, I'd be wanting to screech and rant, I just hope friends would remind me to play a longer game.

OutToGetYou Sun 19-Mar-17 18:16:06

He'll get more than £200pm surely (maybe pw?)? But, even so, how will they even afford rent, let alone anything else, on an apprentice and a part time salary?

chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 18:17:09

Oh damn, I typed that wrong, he'd be on £200 a week so £800 a month, £120 for EMA (or the equivalent), and £600 a month potentially for a job for her. It is doable but I'm still dubious.

PinkDaffodil2 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:17:47

Maybe you could talk her through your monthly outgoings - inc. rent, bills, food, day to day and less regular stuff. I don't see how they'll be able to afford to rent given the situation, and presumably they'd need a guarantor to rent privately?

chocolateneededplease Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:37

She showed me a few flats and it's all quite cheap around here, around £400 a month so his wage alone would cover rent and bills.

dietstartsmonday Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:38

Even with those figures it would be tight. What sort if rental cost ate they looking at

dietstartsmonday Sun 19-Mar-17 18:19:49

400, wow I live in such an expensive area!

MandMand Sun 19-Mar-17 18:19:53

Is he really only going to be earning £200 a month or did you mean £200 a week? Even so, unless you live in a very cheap area I still cant see how they would possibly have enough money between them to cover rent, bills and food. Can you sit down with her and work out how much getting and running a flat would actually cost?

therootoftheroot Sun 19-Mar-17 18:20:12

maximum ema was 30 quid a week but there is no such thing any more

i don't understand why you're not just saying 'don't be silly'

she's 15 and has a boyfriend of 19 and you are not hgappy with it but allowing it to happen?

you still have to parent them you know at this age.

and yes i do have older kids-i have a 17 year old and an almost 14 year old so i am not someone with a 6 year old and has no idea.

sorry-you have asked what is our opinion-my opinion is that it is nonsense and you need to step in and get a handle on the situation.

OutToGetYou Sun 19-Mar-17 18:21:18

Can't see her getting a pt job that pays £600pm really. Maybe £400 at a push.

I'd go through figures with her, then work out what you'll save by her not being there and set that aside weekly to help her out if necessary.

You have to let her give it a go if she's determined.

therootoftheroot Sun 19-Mar-17 18:21:18

and what kind of part time that a 16 year can get pays 600 quid a month?

LIZS Sun 19-Mar-17 18:23:58

It's unlikely they'd pass a credit check so someone else would have to be guarantor.

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