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My 15yo son has admitted he is depressed.

(5 Posts)
JorahsMissus Sat 18-Mar-17 16:26:49

Just made a massive post with a huge backstory then deleted it as I think it's too private for me to go into here but the gist of it is my 15yo son has admitted to being depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I had no idea he felt like this. I knew he had struggled this past few years with friendships outside of school and we encouraged him to try clubs etc but he kept insisting he was happy to go to school, see friends there and then come home and chill. We weren't happy with this but his councilor (CAMHS for issues including lack of social life) said he seemed quite happy in himself and that he would seek out friendships when he was ready. Which he did.

He started hanging out with a group of friends and has seemed really happy recently. However I was suspicious of his behaviour when he came home yesterday so had a looked through his phone (he knows I do this and there is good reason behind this but I don't want to go into that here as it's not something I want to put online) and saw that he had been smoking grass for the first time yesterday. As furious as I was about this, a comment he made to a friend stood out to me so I went back through the whole conversation and sadly found my son confiding in his friend about having suicidal thoughts. A lot of my sons comments were about how shit he feels, how he would love to end it etc. I did confront him about smoking grass and will not allow him to go down that path if I can help it. I have taken his devices and put a stop to his pocket money.

But the main issue for me is that I thought he was happy. He has always seemed content and it seemed to worry us more that he didn't have friends than it did him. But now that he has friends he seemed happier. I sat him down to talk to him about what he wrote and he stonewalled me. Eventually he admitted he has suicidal thoughts and is very unhappy and has been for years. I told him I would get him all the help he needed and he told me no, he won't see a GP or go back to CAMHS as he said this made him feel worse last time. I don't know what to do next. I don't think he's in any immediate danger to himself but I am afraid to not act incase him admitting his feelings to me pushes him over the edge.

He won't talk to me at all about it, I got very little out of him and he was very upset. His dad is due home soon but DS has said he won't talk to him about it either.

I don't know what to do here.......

JustDanceAddict Sat 18-Mar-17 17:05:26

Sorry your DS is feeling like this. Sounds like he got into into a friendship group and is doing weed to feel more accepted. Pretty 'normal' at 15 although obviously not something we'd want our kids to be doing. Could you go to gp on your own to discuss him? Some boroughs have free kids' counselling services to which you can self-refer - I would google - maybe less 'scary' than Camhs.
DD is similar in that she doesn't socialise that much outside of school and only has a few 'proper' friends (is 14.5, year 10), but is happy to mainly chill and go out occasionally. She maintains she's 'fine' but it worries me as when she does go out she enjoys herself so why not do more of it? She has also suffered from MH issues so I do think it's all related. Have tried to get her into 'social' clubs outside school but she isn't interested now. She stonewalls me a lot too and says things like 'if you're going to talk about this you can get out of my room!' She's also had CBT but it was crap so she says. I wasn't majorly keen on the counsellor either, but sometimes it's a case of finding the right one.

JorahsMissus Sat 18-Mar-17 19:09:51

Thank you for replying JustDance, yes my son sounds very much like your daughter. I am in Northern Ireland so not sure what resources available but I absolutely will be ringing our GP on Monday and go from there.

I feel so sad for him. He has dealt with this for years without telling anyone even though I thought I had it drummed into him that no matter how bad anything is, I'm here for him. I've told him that from when he was a kid but looking back he's never told me anything much at all. He has a very big wall built around himself.

This group he hangs out with don't seem the best option for him either but I am loathe to take away his access to them as they are his only friends and he will be so upset if I don't allow him to see them but they do have a few weed smokers in the group as well as drinkers and self harmers. I just wonder if he's expressing these feelings more as it seems that in the group it is freely discussed how depressed they are and what they are going through.

I am sorry your daughter is also suffering. It is so bloody hard being a teenager these days, I am demented worrying about them as it is and now this!

JustDanceAddict Sun 19-Mar-17 10:38:57

It's tough being a mum of teens as there is so much pressure from all sides tbh. Even I feel pressure from other parents asking me why DD isnt going to or doing particular things.
I would not stop you DS seeing friends as he will anyway at this age - just try and talk to him about cons of smoking weed (not a good mix with MH problems) and drinking.
Thankfully DD's has ssuesxare more anxiety-based, she's def not depressed, but when she told us, about 3 years ago now, that she'd been suffering with these anxious feelings etc we had no idea! I think that's what freaked me out the most, the fact that I thought we were close but she had hidden these very strong feelings she had.

JorahsMissus Sun 19-Mar-17 17:06:30

Yes well that's what has got us, too. We didn't know he had those feelings at all. We knew he was probably lonely and maybe a little down about not having friends to go out with but once he started going out with them we thought those feelings would pass. If anything he seems to have got worse as his friendship group is quite 'emo' and a few of them seem to have quite a few issues which I think may be bringing DS's to the surface.

He is adamant he won't talk to a GP or counsellor but I feel like I HAVE to do something, just not sure what! He says he will be ok and he thinks now that he has these friends that he will be ok but I don't want to do nothing and hope for the best.

Teenagers are a whole different ball game, aren't they? Girls in particular do seem to get it tough in regards to social media etc and if you don't fit in then it must be so hard. Anxiety is tricky because she probably wants to go do things but the anxiety just takes over. I suffer with it myself and do struggle with social things so I feel for your daughter.

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