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Ds2 self harming. Only found out last night.

(9 Posts)
FreakinScaryCaaw Sat 11-Mar-17 09:27:55

I can't believe I'm writing this but I saw evidence of self harm on ds2's arm last night. I totally freaked. The scratches are all up his left arm quite superficial. He ran upstairs and we haven't spoke about it but I gave him something to rub on them.

What's ironic is i work with clients with bpd who self harm badly. Also I've been supporting a friend who's son has been self harming requiring hospital treatment
He also has bpd. I don't feel ds2 has bpd though.

I've started a journal this morning. I've written in it and will ask ds2 to write in it too. He probably won't but at least if he reads my thoughts it may help?

Ds2 has had problems communicating all of his life. But he's 16 now and he seems to be struggling even more. We actually got somewhere the other day and he opened up telling me he's conscious of being so slim. He's 6 ft 3 and very slim. I just hope he can open up to me or someone?

JustDanceAddict Sat 11-Mar-17 09:37:03

Sorry to hear this. My DD had 'intrusive thoughts' of self-harm but never acted on it and she said she never would. She was revered for cbt although not sure it was that great, at least it never escalated into full-blown cutting. She also suffers from anxiety although we don't talk about it much because it makes her think about it more. On another point, is he getting teased for his weight? DS is still only coming up for 13 but he is a rake and really self-conscious too (and much more obsessed with his weight or lack of it, than my DD who is also slim but it's more acceptable on girls). Would he be interested in say going to the gym, where he could 'take out' his frustrations and build up his body. My nephew did this as he was also very slim and wasn't happy about it (at a similar age).

FreakinScaryCaaw Sat 11-Mar-17 10:07:56

Thanks for replying JDA.

Funnily enough we talked about his weight the other day. He joined a gym but rarely goes. He said he wants to start going again. I bought him some protein powder as he said he wanted some. DS1 goes to the gym but he's at uni. He was home last night and they had fun playing x box and chatting.

Ds2's just been down for his hair cut (I'm ex hairstylist ) and had a short sleeve top on. He usually has long sleeve. Also after his shower he came through living room with no shirt on. Hopefully a good sign?

He's off to watch football soon with his dad. I've told dad about self harming but ds2 doesn't want to talk about it so I'll warn exdh. Luckily exdh and I have a good relationship.

giraffe13 Sat 11-Mar-17 18:02:42

I found scratches on my 13yr old Dds arm this morning. She blamed the cat but we both know it wasn't the cat! She says she doesn't know why its happened. She's very bright, loves school and generally seems happy. But thinking back to last night she did say after doing sport which makes her feel really happy, she can then feel really low. She did sport last night after school. She was also asking about the happy hormones that you get from sport. I've been trying to read other posts about SH and one mentioned a hormones release that gives this "happy" effect.
Dh and I went out for a very rare night out with friends and the grandparents looked after the children last night so she just stayed in her room all night. I am clutching at straws at the moment looking through old posts/ internet for help I'm preying it's a one off.
Op I really feel your pain im trying to get my daughter to talk and tell me why, she tells me everything normally, we have a good open relationship which I have been so lucky to have with her...until now. Could your son be trying this as an outlet of release because he has seen/knows it used so widely? Maybe the fact that he's wearing no shirt is him trying to reassure you that he's not doing it again. Hopefully he's tried it and it wasn't for him? Good luck, sorry my post is so long x

FreakinScaryCaaw Sat 11-Mar-17 23:03:31

Thanks giraffe for sharing. You must be gutted. I hope it's a one off for your daughter.

I haven't seen ds2 today but I'll see him tomorrow. It's difficult knowing what to do for the best.

t875 Wed 15-Mar-17 09:19:46

Check their phones / computer and look at what they are looking at.
Check their messages as there could be going on more with friends and they are feeling the pressure for their friends problems.
My dd her friend was very down and got into a deep sadness we didn't know. But our dd took all this on worrying about her friend and how she can help her. It was hard on dd but if I hadn't checked her phone I wouldn't have seen all this going on.
have a look online for coping help. I e fiddle cubes/ glitter bottles where they have to shake the bottle when they are feeling like they want to and watch the glitter settle back down. Deep breathing spelling their name - work out what they are stressed about. Band on the wrist/ if you search SH on here someone posted some really good stuff I passed on to my friend as her dd went through this.
The hardest thing is we think they are ok but you just don't know.
Hide anything sharp so they can't get to anything to feel tempted.
All the best for your children xx

mummytobemaybe Sat 18-Mar-17 22:12:37

Checking their phones/laptops is the worst thing you can do. It is an invasion of their privacy and makes them less likely to trust you and want to talk to you in the future. For older children it is in my opinion a form of abuse. Just make sure he knows he can talk to you if there is anything worrying him. A child that trusts their parents will be more willing to talk

t875 Mon 20-Mar-17 22:45:04

This is your opinion. But in our case thank god we did as we didn't know our daughter was looking at pro anorexia websites telling her ways how to get away with not eating it was horrifying to read. if I hadn't have checked her lap top we never would have seen it along with an account she also had set up on tumblr where she was looking at the same thing.

t875 Mon 20-Mar-17 22:48:56

My dd does talk to me. We have a very good relationship. But with the eating thing she wanted to be one step ahead all the time. Thankfully she is now getting counciling for the ED and isn't like this. But it's been very hard for all of us.

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