Need help with 13 y/o DS

[Callmesausage]

Would be grateful for any advice.

My son is in yr 8 and has been getting into trouble at school, ie being disruptive, missing homework etc. I have asked for a meeting with his form tutor and will see her next week.

I spoke with him today to try to get to the bottom of why this is happening and how we can turn it around. A lot of it is down to being the class clown. He says that he just doesn't know how to 'be', that he makes everyone laugh to try to make friends. He has some friends, but nobody really close. While I am really cross with him, I would like to try to help him to be more comfortable in his own skin and not need to 'act' a certain way.

Any help would be so much appreciated.

[t875]

Does he have a hobby or do any clubs outside?
Maybe get him into something he enjoys
Invite his friends round
Are the friends into anything?

[t875]

I would make it clear also and set the boundary that he is to start to do the homework and stop being disruptive as this isn't good and is not doing him any favors. x

[Callmesausage]

He does football outside of school and he does have friends round st the weekend. I have tonight explained he has to keep to the school rules, any clowning needs to be at break time or at the weekend. He has apologised and realised he's not helping himself, we will see if anything changes.

Thanks for the advice.

[scottishdiem]

A few small incentives to help him feel positive about changes in behaviour?

Getting homework done on time gets a treat? No reports from school about bad behaviour for a month gets the same?

I'd also ask the form tutor if there are people around that perhaps prompt him to be more clownish. Not in an overt way, just that they are also almost as bad as DS has been. I know that a couple of my friends at school were the ones that dragged my behaviour down in certain classes (one in Maths and the other in Geography). Good friends in PE and Economics meant good marks and reports from those classes.

Good luck.

[t875]

Thanks for the update OP that's great news!!
Incentives is a good idea too as the other poster said.
and also if the teachers can focus a bit more on the positives, sometimes they get on the band wagon and focus more on the negatives.

Good luck!! x

[Callmesausage]

Today he went in and apologised to the teacher concerned and the feedback from his form tutor was that it was heartfelt and appreciated by the teacher, so that's good. She also said that he really hates the idea of letting us down and that works more than a punishment would. He had a good day today, so fingers crossed he can keep it up.

Thanks again for the posts, really appreciated.

[t875]

That's great news!! Well done to him for doing that! All the best for him. Keep us posted. This place is so good to rant at. Therapy in itself x

[smudgybunny]

i'm new to mumsnet but i felt I had no other place to turn to, i'm having the same problem with my DD who's 12, she's always getting into trouble at school! any advice for tween hormones and how to help her understand? x

[t875]

Hi Smudgybunny I posted some hopefully helpful ideas for this further up the thread along with another poster who also posted some great ideas too. Hope this helps??
There is some really good books, the teenage brain is a good one and also another which i can find out for you - Let me know.
all the very best to you guys x

[tarheelbaby]

Teacher of KS3 here. I have worked in the same private school for 10 years now (!). Some pupils and often it's boys, go through a rowdy/disorganised phase. It can take them a while to grow into sensible behaviour: concentrating in lessons, keeping up with belongings, completing and handing in assignments on time. Many times, a boy who was impossible in yr 8-9, goes home for the summer, grows up a bit and comes back a new creature. So in the short term, all you can do is continue to make clear your expectations and apply sanctions. Ideally, his school is confirming this and supporting you by responding to his behaviour, both good and bad. I can also tell you, as a teacher, that your child is much more attuned to your wavelength than he lets on so keep sending your messages, he IS listening and you will be successful eventually.