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Ds and his girlfriend

(130 Posts)
Jackson12 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:42:36

My ds is 18 and will be off to uni in the Autumn. He's in a long term relationship and the two of them are very happy. He asked if his gf (also 18) could 'stay over' after a party he hosted for his 18th, I'm uncomfortable thinking that he is having any sexual relations and quickly shut him down. Was this the right thing to do?

Birdsbeesandtrees Sun 05-Mar-17 20:45:31

At what point will it be acceptable for his partner to stay over do you think ?

Jackson12 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:47:30

I dont knowblush but I'm very much against him doing this type of thing. I told him that he couldn't do anything whilst he lived in our house.

Whisky2014 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:48:10

Wow. Yabu

Ididtry Sun 05-Mar-17 20:48:23

I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable about it, but I think I'd have to get over it and let them get on with it

Lilaclily Sun 05-Mar-17 20:48:43

Tbh it's better in your house than somewhere else imo

Kewcumber Sun 05-Mar-17 20:49:58

You can make whatever decisions you like about your adult child and his adult girlfriend.

If it bothers him he will just come home less and go/stay where they are able to sleep together.

Birdsbeesandtrees Sun 05-Mar-17 20:50:44

Against him doing what ? I mean he's an adult with a partner - would you really want him to never have a healthy sex life ? ( as ickly as that is being his mum) .

What if he doesn't move out until he's finished uni at 21 or older ? What if he gets married ? I do know people who have married at 21 and 23 respectively.

Shurleyshummishtake Sun 05-Mar-17 20:51:23

Yanbu about telling him you don't feel happy they have sex in your house when you are home.

YABVU at suggesting you feel unhappy he is having sex at all. They are both adults. In addition they are in a long term committed relationship. You shouldn't ever make him feel uncomfortable or guilty about the fact they have sex.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:51:33

If you want him as a friend as well as a son you need to respect his choices.

sunshinesupermum Sun 05-Mar-17 20:52:45

YABU

They are 18 years old and adults. It is legal. What have you against them having sex now? Sorry but you sound prudish and controlling.

Wouldn't you rather they were having safe sex in your house rather than somewhere else (if that's what they had planned at all).

What reason did you give him for 'shutting him down'?

Jackson12 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:52:50

He also wants to go on a weekend away over the summer with her, something which I am also strongly against.

OnHold Sun 05-Mar-17 20:53:29

Whatever you against him doing? Having sex?

I think that ship has prbably sailed.

NerrSnerr Sun 05-Mar-17 20:54:12

'but I'm very much against him doing this type of thing'

What have sex when in a relationship? How is he ever going to have children?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:54:16

If he came home engaged at 18 would you feel any happier?? He can leave home and marry if he wants to. .

Whisky2014 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:54:39

Unless you're paying for it, it's not up to you.

MirandaWest Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:03

It's your choice whether or not they sleep together in your house. I'm not sure why you are against them having a weekend together, unless it is to do with them having sex. It is normal for people who are 18 and in a relationship to have sex.

sunshinesupermum Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:03

Jackson12 Why are you so against them going away for a weekend together? Are they paying for it themselves?

If so back off or you will lose him forever by wanting to control his adult life like this.

OnHold Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:05

It doesn't matter if you are against him going away with his GF. He doesn't need your permission.

garlicandsapphire Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:13

I'd be fine with it - I had sex with a boyfriend at that age and if they're in a relationship I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. To me sex is a natural part of a healthy happy life and at 18 I'd feel they're adult enough to make good choices.

ijustwannadance Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:15

You do know that they will have already had loads of sex, right? He's 18 ffs.

Jackson12 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:55:24

He approached me knowing that id be against it and had arguments saying that is was completely normal but I just told him no.

sunshinesupermum Sun 05-Mar-17 20:56:31

It IS completely normal. Your son is right and you are just plain wrong.

Whisky2014 Sun 05-Mar-17 20:56:36

Why?

BackforGood Sun 05-Mar-17 20:56:45

I know it's uncomfortable to think of your ds and his gf having sex under your roof, but I'm afraid it's one of those things that happens. He's an adult. He's in a long term relationship, and, quite frankly, if he goes away in the Summer with her, it's none of your business.

Why are you so strongly against it ?

You do realise that they will be sleeping together once they go to university, don't you ?

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