Teens and exams

[ginorwine]

Dd doing a levels v soon
She really wants to go to a particular Russel group uni - for this she really needs good grades .
She works hard at times and at others gets into seeing her boyfriend , parties , trips out as well as her job 2 nights a week . She is mostly focussed but when she gets out of routine and I gently remind her she says " stop going on etc "
She is doing well but I don't think she can comprehend that to get a grades ( is predicted 3 X b at present ) she may need to do more .. whilst I appriciated she is trying hard -and I don't want nag her - I don't want her to be disappointed - also is it my job to be behind her , or shall I just let her get on with it ?
( I mean jyst do background support such as good food , be around etc rather than push her a little )

[noblegiraffe]

What's her back-up plan if she gets the predicted 3 Bs? Have you got a parents evening coming up? It would be useful if you could sit with her hearing the teachers tell her why she is predicted a B and what she needs to do to get an A.

She is currently 3 grades under what she needs, which is not a great position to be in, TBH.

[ginorwine]

She resists my input / advice
Report arrived saying she is v positive student
And what to do
Like go to additional
Stuff but she doesn't take it on
I was similar when young but got away with it as uni grades were lower in my day . I can see what's coming but can't get her to see it !!!

[3nationsfamily]

I have exactly the same situation! DD mock exam results were way short of her predicted grades and what she needs to meet her top choice offer of Manchester. The frustrating thing is that she has the academic ability to get the grades but seems to be missing the application and attitude right now. We have a parent teacher meeting this week so had to have a tough conversation with her today about priorities / focus for the next few months so we can have a sensible conversation with the teachers.

At almost 18 we can't do it for her, and she needs to take responsibility - no point in us saying she can't go out, work etc as this isn't really the problem as she soesnt work that many hours and only out maybe every second Saturday night until midnight. The only sanction we have done is to cancel the Netflix subscription to reduce temptation.

[Iamastonished]

This is one of the reasons that DD doesn't have a job. She is currently in year 12, but is so shattered that if she worked she wouldn't be able to keep on top of the vast volumes of homework that she gets. She falls asleep most afternoons when she gets home from school.

[ginorwine]

When on study leave she will do one day only . If we stopped her working she wd simply oarty more ! In at 4 fri night . I've said tonight that she won't make her grades this way . Her b friend has been round must of the weekend - they just kept extending it . We agreed that he cd stay over if she worked ) which sometimes works as it motivates her )
She is doing work in her frees and does study several nights a week after school - it's just at this stage it s not enough . She did pull an a grade in psychology with not much revision but she is quite unpredictable .
It's frustrating isn't it ? I think I just really needed a rant - am tired of it !

[Blogwoman]

I hear you! I have DC in years 12 & 13, each with different approaches to work & different strengths & weaknesses, as you'd expect. I'm having to learn to accept that our support can only go so far - can't make them do what they don't want to do. With the best (background!) support we can offer, they ultimately have to find their own way through, their own motivation etc. They'll carve out their own paths & I think our job is to kind of walk with them as they do that, but they're definitely taking the lead. I guess this is how it should be at 17/18 - but it's not easy for us parents is it?!

[ginorwine]

Blogwoman
I agree ! Thankyou .

[Stitchfusion]

We are in March. I take it her exams are in 2 months?
Why is it ok to go out every other saturday night until midnight AND work 2 nights a week? You say she is focussed, but this doesnt sound it. Neither does spending time with her boyfriend at this late stage in the game if it is resulting in you having to do things like cancelling netflix.

[dingit]

My dd is the same! Predicted AAA, but her last chemistry grade was a D. Sometimes it seems she's working, other times it seems all she studies is snapchat!
She gave up her job as it was too much. At the weekend she was prom dress shopping and then swanning round London with her boyfriend. If I dare say anything she blows my head off.
I think it's her life then, but then think £50,000 loan to go to an ex poly, really?

[Grausse]

It has to come from her, you can only do so much.
DS1 was very driven and focussed on getting the 3 x A* he needed. He had no social life in the months leading up to his A levels, just worked and worked and worked. Did every past paper he could lay his hands on until he was able to score 95% in every one. Total overkill.
I realise that this is the opposite extreme but serves to illustrate that those who get a clutch of A*s are not just clever or lucky. They work hard as well.
Doing work in her frees and a few evenings is probably not enough.