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DD(17) and DS (16) want to swap rooms?

(25 Posts)
allmmurr Mon 27-Feb-17 17:43:44

DD(17) has been begging DS(16) for the last 11 years to swap rooms, when we did the loft conversion 14 years ago she chose the smaller room, while DS took the bigger room. She's wanted that room for ages, and it only got worse as she's come into taking her A-Levels and needs more room. If they had decided this even 6 months ago, I think I would be more willing, but DD is off to uni in late September, as is hoping to have completely moved out within around 4 or 5 years. Obviously, things don't always go to plan and we will be saving a bedroom for her, but I don't think her spending money and time on decorating (she wants to buy all the paint herself, which we won't allow, but also wants to buy some furniture etc. as she has barely anything from being in the small room). DH and I think this is all very random, and a) DD will regret spending the money, and DS will realise that he doesn't want to downsize (the rooms do vary quite a lot in size due to the way the conversion was designed, we gave DS and DD the choice but DD chose the small room). DD and DS want to get going as soon as possible (DD is revising for her A-Levels and wants to get her posters etc. up ASAP), but we are unsure as to whether we should allow it or not, any opinions?

TheOtherSock Mon 27-Feb-17 17:46:28

It's not like she'll have a massive room at uni. Why's she saying she needs a big room?

heateallthebuns Mon 27-Feb-17 17:48:14

Why not allow it? They might regret it but it's hardly the end of the world and could be a good learning experience for both of them.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 27-Feb-17 17:48:53

Does DS agree?

allmmurr Mon 27-Feb-17 17:49:03

DS wants the smaller room so he can hang up posters, DD wants the room to spread out her revision posters, have room to put her school folders etc., she also wants to have friends around for her birthday etc, and her room isn't big enough, DS first proposed it but DD is now desperate to change as well, DS has said that if they don't change he will take her room when she goes anyway, so she wants to avoid that

PerryCoxHair Mon 27-Feb-17 17:51:01

I'd let them get on with it.

ScrapThatThen Mon 27-Feb-17 17:54:11

Sounds like a nice concession to give them - a bit of work and expense, but a feel good factor for both of them and a sense that you can listen to them as emerging adults and let them have some control. You can set expectations of what they will have to do though.

allmmurr Mon 27-Feb-17 17:54:51

TheOther her room at uni will purely feel bigger due to the lack of sloping ceilings, the ceilings are what makes the room feel so small, and what will make her uni room feel big for the first week grin

DrunkenMissOrderly Mon 27-Feb-17 17:56:19

They both want to swap, just let them. Leave them to it!

mando12345 Mon 27-Feb-17 17:57:23

I would let her, they both want to, why wouldn't you?

Whathaveilost Mon 27-Feb-17 17:58:37

I'd let them get on with it.
If one of them regrets I would just shrug and say it's not my issue.

That's my usual tactic with my teens.

titchy Mon 27-Feb-17 18:01:18

They both agree so why on earth is this even an issue?

allmmurr Mon 27-Feb-17 18:01:49

We're both a bit hesitant because of the painting. DS has school commitments on a Saturday (he has to volunteer for his course, he could only do Wednesday or Saturday, he's in school on a Wednesday so Saturday it was), and DD isn't tall enough to the ceilings, DH wouldn't let her paint by herself anyway, as he wants to prevent any paint on skirting boards, floor etc

DelphiniumBlue Mon 27-Feb-17 18:04:42

Why does it have to be painted? And presumably DD could use the furniture that's already in there, seeing as the room was custom designed?

titchy Mon 27-Feb-17 18:06:07

So they swap this weekend and ds starts painting on Sunday, dd on Saturday, finish off next weekend. Job done. Kids happy! (Dust sheets....)

allmmurr Mon 27-Feb-17 18:09:52

DD doesn't like the colour (it's bright green from when DS was about 13, DD wants a grey or white room)

heateallthebuns Mon 27-Feb-17 18:11:38

Why not just let them paint it. At 17/16 why could you not show them how to do it and teach them a new life skill. Can you really just not be arsed?

GeorgeTheHamster Mon 27-Feb-17 19:43:40

They're old enough to get on with it, I think. Get plenty of dust sheets and maybe do the skirting boards yourself if there is carpet down.

AnyFucker Mon 27-Feb-17 19:47:44

Just let them do it

I wouldn't interfere at all, other than to insist all the mess stays in their rooms and they clear it all up at the end.

Chewbecca Mon 27-Feb-17 19:55:09

Let them on condition they do it and clear it all up themselves.

Why not?

TeaMeBasil Mon 27-Feb-17 19:56:32

Just let them get on with it, they're old enough to decide to swop rooms - and at 17 she's definitely Italy old enough to reprint, and use a stepladder. Surely DH will help with the tricky bits?

My parents let me loose on my room at 16 & I did a pretty good job, though DM did pop in & tidy up the edges at some point!

nooka Fri 03-Mar-17 05:38:01

My dd (16) moved rooms a year or so ago and painted her own walls. We supervised the laying down of dustsheets and gave her a bit of advice on technique but basically she did it all. Came in handy this year when I painted our dining room as she helped out lots.

Why didn't you encourage them to change rooms before? Seems a bit unfair for one child to have the bigger room for so long unless the child with the smaller room was happy about it. My ds (17) has the smallest bedroom in the house, but he has actively chosen to keep it that way as he spends very little time in there (his PC is in another room).

onceandneveragain Fri 03-Mar-17 21:03:04

I don't understand why you've stressed twice that she consciously made the decision to have the smaller room as if she is now being ridiculous and contrary to go back on it - from the timescales you've given she made that decision when she was three! and has regretted it and wanted to change since she was 6!!!!

So YABU to hold a decision over her head that she made when she was a toddler with no understanding of what her needs and wants might be in the future.
YA also BU not to have encouraged DS to swap with her years ago if it has really meant that much to her and he isn't bothered about having the bigger room.

Also a bit confused that DS has threatened her that if she doesn't swap he will 'take her room when she goes anyway.' Um - no - you are the parents and it is your house. If you're strict enough to say your DD has to live with a mistake she made aged 3 then you're strict enough to say that your DS doesn't jump into his sister's room without her consent the second she leaves for uni.

Ultimately - both of them are up for it, she's happy to pay for and do the painting so your expense and effort will be minimal - go for it.

Surely he might also be going to uni shortly anyway so one year in the smaller room isn't a huge deal in the scheme of things?

MrsRhettButler Fri 03-Mar-17 21:06:30

I'd completely leave them to it, I'm struggling to find an issue at all confused

Okite Fri 03-Mar-17 21:11:45

Absolutely what once said, I was gobsmacked that you said she'd picked that room when she was 3 as a reason not to let her move! Why on earth haven't you swapped them round before now?
Anyway, I'd definitely let them get on with it, I repainted my own room when I was 15, did a pretty good job.

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