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Inappropriate messages

(12 Posts)
birchykel Wed 22-Feb-17 07:58:29

I have a 14 year old daughter, who has been allowed to use Instagram on the terms that I have the password and every now and then I'll check it to make sure things are ok.

At the weekend a boy had sent her messages asking her to send naked photos of her self to him, to start with my daughter was saying 'yes ok but my mum is in the kitchen at the moment' or ' I can't at the moment as I'm going out' basically agreeing but making excuses not to do it straight away. Then she sent a message back telling him that she had lied and that she didn't really want to send photos because she thinks she fat and ugly and that really it's wrong. (Felt proud that she was honest). He obviously said all the right things...your beautiful, got a great body, I won't pressure you.
I spoke with her, we are quite open and honest. We went through the dangers of doing this and how she has to have self respect and he shouldn't of asked her to send photos.

Then last night he was pressuring again for photos, this time though my daughter must have deleted some messages because they didn't make sense, she had asked 'when would you do it' and the reply was 'got to go now could you delete messages that are...you know' ended with a wink face.

I confronted her again but was much more stern this time, asking exactly what it is he is asking her for and what messages he needs to delete. She told me he keeps asking for naked photos.

Thing is I know hormones are raging, I know it's normal, and if they didn't have a screen to hide behind that this boy probably wouldn't even ask her to do that. But I'm not sure how to handle it, I've banned her off Instagram (hate social media really).
We are yet to have a proper conversation about it, thing is she maybe 14 but she is under SENCO and actually is delayed by 3 years, she is vulnerable and a little naive. But I think she has her head screwed on, just she doesn't want to look like she's not 'cool'.

Has anyone been through this? How did you handle it?
Teenagers are such hard work.

birchykel Wed 22-Feb-17 08:00:09

Sorry I meant that HE had asked last night 'when would you do it'

ScrapThatThen Wed 22-Feb-17 08:03:16

I would guess he has sent her some photos of himself and these have been deleted.

ScrapThatThen Wed 22-Feb-17 08:05:30

I think you definitely need to act strongly (and compassionately) but I am not entirely sure what I would do. Maybe look at the CEOP website for advice which has some good videos and resources?

birchykel Wed 22-Feb-17 09:09:02

I did ask her if he had sent any and she said he hadn't. I'm hoping he hasn't. I'm worried sick.
Thanks I will look on the website.

School have been informed as I don't know his parents and I think I've done the right thing telling them.
I don't want to be too harsh on her and her feel she can't come to me however she needs to realise the dangers.

Give me a newborn any day....teenagers I just have no idea about.

BrightonBelleCat Fri 03-Mar-17 19:36:47

She sounds like she is but she is being groomed. Please contact the police.

birchykel Sat 04-Mar-17 19:05:03

The school have contacted his parents and she has also decided herself to come off all social media.
I do think it was this boy being rather hormonal and sitting behind a screen being the big 'I am'. I don't think it was anyone she didn't know.

Lf803 Sat 04-Mar-17 19:24:04

I have a 15 dd and if I saw this I think I would completely lose my shit! I would find out who he was and where he lived and tell his mother! I would tell the school and I would ban social Media completely. Not that I would over react or anything hmm
It's so hard having a teenager I agree you just have to hope that you have instilled enough in them and that they make the right choices.

mumontherun14 Sat 04-Mar-17 20:06:02

Hi I have a son who received similar messages from what looked like older girls but could have been anyone. I made him make his profile private (which it was meant to be) I am also regularly checking his messages and we made him remove and block anyone he doesn't know and have sat him down and explained the dangers of people that he doesn't know getting in touch with him and also that pictures can be shared and made public. Something happened at our school recently when a 14yr old girl sent a picture and it was shared round some boys in the school and the police got involved. Next week all parents have been called into evening meetings run by the police on the dangers of social media and sexting etc. The kids are also getting a session. Think you just need to keep talking to her openly and honestly and explain the dangers. I really feel for them we had none of this to deal with. I always say to my son never post anything that you wouldn't be happy for me, your dad or your Gran to read xxxx

RandomMess Sat 04-Mar-17 20:15:11

I'm always reminding my DC that anything they send will end up on the internet forever so if it's something they don't want me seeing don't write it or send it...

Well done OP you did the right thing, I hope your DD is ok.

user1488655226 Sat 04-Mar-17 20:49:26

Be blunt - taking and sending naked pictures at 14 is ILLEGAL.
http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/online/sexting/

birchykel Sun 05-Mar-17 18:32:02

Thanks,
I've always chcecked her phone, that was the deal if she wanted to go on Instagram.
I always have explained about the dangers I just hope it sinks in!

I did lose my shit haha the school were notified and they told his parents so I'm hoping they are decent enough and have come down hard on him!
Thing is like some of you have said, it could have been anyone!
It is very hard with teenagers, I just hope I do enough.

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