Grown up son becoming a bit of a loner(3 Posts)
My grown up son is slowly becoming a bit of a loner in his spare time. He had a brilliant time socially while he was at college. Now, most of them who he had fun with have left home & gone to university. They all have new lives & he has been left behind. He finds the friends he has left at home boring. He is self employed, is good at what he does & enjoys it. He meets older people through his work but not people his own age. His hobbies are running & going to the gym, which can be lonely hobbies.
He doesn't talk about his feelings. I keep probing, to the point I get on his nerves, but get nothing. He insists he's fine, and certainly seems cheerful enough and motivated in his work & hobbies.
I, on the other hand, am worried that he's going to miss out on fun. There's clubbing, concerts, festivals, lads holidays he seems to be missing out on now. He doesn't have a girlfriend either. I'm so worried he's just going to become more & more of a loner in his spare time and will, end up lonely. I go on about it but he does nothing to change the situation. Indeed, how do you change it?
Sorry for the long post, had to get it all off my chest.
* He insists he's fine, and certainly seems cheerful enough and motivated in his work & hobbies.*
Then what on earth are you worrying about? Sorry to be blunt but I am not surprised you are getting on his nerves when you go on to him.
It's like you are deciding what he should be doing and finding fun, what if he is not interested in clubbing etc? Some people like their own company more than others. Some people take more time than others to find girlfriends. Ok he is going through a period where he is finding his friends boring but that is no big deal. There will be more opportunities for him to make new friends along the line. I know as parents we all want our children to be happy and have plenty of friends but perhaps we should stop focusing on quantities 'the more the merrier' isn't always a good thing ( have experience of this with my 21 yr old niece...but that's another tale)
Basically, if he is happy then I wouldn't make an issue where there isn't one. You cannot order a life for him that he may not want. Just support him in what he enjoys at the moment. Hope that helps a bit, I really didn't want to just say 'stop worrying' but on the face of your post it doesn't look like you need to be so het up about him.
i have one exactly the same he used to be always giggling joking around etc and smiling yet now he just comes down to grab food he goes to college then comes straight home everyone said it was a phase it woould pass but it hasnt so far yet then suddenly hes announced he wants to go to ayi nappa confused.com
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