Why is everything such a fight!

[joanna4]

Tonight i have come home to find my son full of anger some lad at school had started on him.This is an ongoing problem but not with any one person he does seem to get targetted a lot.He says it is because he isnt popular- I ask him to define popular he says the popular kids - smoke and steal the pic n mix at woolies he will not do either (good lad).
It was sorted out in school but he obviously was still very pent up.A s consequence his sister who is 10 took a load of flak tonight then I said he couldnt go to his mates as his tea was almost ready so he went off on one again then after tea i asked him if he had homework -flare up no 100 ensued.
He is not quite 13 by the way.I am shocked at the changein him it is like living with jekyll and hyde.Does anyone else have this happen.

[NorksBride]

My sisters DS1 is 11. He started secondary school last September. The stories all sound very familiar. The only difference is that his younger sibling is a boy of 10 so they have more physical violence.

One assumes it's hormonal and that you must all suffer in the time-honoured tradition. Unless there are some good tips for guiding teenagers through their teens.... BUMPING FOR YOU!

[Saggarmakersbottomknocker]

Jo - oh yes! I remember thinking that the aliens had come and taken ds1. This hormonal, hairy thing sitting at the breakfast table wasn't my son!. They did bring him back when he was about 17, sadly that was around the same time they took ds2.

Basically they are both good kids. Ds2 in particular sounds like your son. He has an in built sense of right and wrong and has lost a few 'friends' because of it. The best piece of advice I've taken in this time was to 'pick your battles'. Some things are worth fighting over - some are not. If it's not illegal, immoral or annoying th neighbours then I pick a better time to talk about it. You know, one of those moments when they seem more normal.

Good luck!!

[joanna4]

So he is normal and I have to ride it out-ok.
When in a mood he said something about one of the lads at school and it was a bad swear and I was shocked(god knows why)but I had then somehow in the whole of the night forgotten about it.So bedtimes comes and he apologises for the word he said happen that was one of those more normal moments lol.

[Saggarmakersbottomknocker]

Awww - he apologised. Yeah, that's a more normal moment. When you get a glimpse of your 'little boy'. He'll do just fine.

[mumblechum]

God I'm going through this with my ds and have just had a sleepless night worrying about him.

He says stuff like he hates his life, he hates himself, no one at school likes him (he's also is Year 7).

The next day everything's ok for about an hour then it all starts again. I'm getting very worn down by constantly reassuring him, trying to get him to see the positive side of everything, but it's really hard, I just lost it with him this morning because there are now mice in his bedroom because he sneaks food in there and leaves it all over the floor.

Where has my sunny, smiling, outgoing lad gone and when is this moody, unconfident lazy person going away??????????????????

[bobalinga]

Same here. Moody 13 yo boy (and see my thread on runaway moody 14 yo DD). Moaning and complaining about school today. Thing is, he was home educated for 7 years and he chose to go to school last september. he can alsways leave!
And if I ask him to have a shower you'd think I was sending him down the mines. Snapping at me, picking on his 11 y brother. Complaining cos the 3 yo is noisy (she has CP).
Where's my smiley loving boy gone?

[SecondhandRose]

Is he doing any sports like rugby where he can let off steam?

[SecondhandRose]

Have been having help myself from a 3rd party just lately and I've been told never to accuse your child of anything like "you are selfish/lazy" etc but try and talk about how you are feeling. I know it is easier said than done.

[tallulah]

Oh I've got one of these. He is 15 and permanently snappy. Mornings are the worst time- say anything to him, no matter how innocuous, and get your head bitten off. I try not to react but it's so hard. Most of the fights remind me of those I had with my mother at that age, but I didn't expect a boy to go the same way. Like the rest of you said, he was such a sunny natured little boy as well. It's very sad. (Didn't get this with DD or DS1 or 2 either, so it's unchartered territory)

[china11]

My DS age just 14 is a moody lanky teenager. He thinks the household computer is his personal property, noone can get a look in. His older brother 20, dared to go on it for 10 minutes, and all hell broke loose. Teenager kicked his big brother, who chased him accross the living room, grabbing him by the hair and yanking him. I intervened and pulled them apart. DS teen, ran upstairs, slamming as many doors in the way as he could. All went quiet, and after 10 minutes, I go up there expecting to find him sulking in his bunk bed. However, he is sitting on the conservatory roof !! DH and I tell him to get inside immediately and he does, runs down the stairs and runs off down the street. I worry about his moods, he is so unpredictable.
I am so glad my DS3 is only 10, and still little and cute..
Is there a handbook for dealing with stroppy teens?

[mummyflood]

Ooh, me too! DS2, 13, has changed over the last few weeks into the typical 'angry young man'. Temper can flare over nothing, and instantaneously. He threw a pair of slippers at DS1 the other day, screamed at him at top ropes on his way up the stairs, got in the shower and then started SINGING, ffs, as though nothing had happened!! As others have said, he does apologise later sometimes, and shows me the sensitive, loving young man he still is!! He is similar to mumblechum's Ds too though - nobody understands him, he has no mates, no-one likes him, etc. - been to 5 parties this year though, far more than DS1!!

DS1, 15, on the other hand, can be just basically stroppy, militant and argumentative but it doesn't last. Wouldn't describe him as moody though, it's different from DS2. Always has to have the last word, and tbh 80% of the time I find him funny. He's much more well balanced really, laid back most of the time, doesn't really fall out with people and is just a typical 'lad'.

Love 'em both to bits but they are bloody hard work at times!!

[mumblechum]

Blimey this is an ancient thread!

If it's any consolation, the ds Iwas describing in March 2007 has gone away and been replaced by my lovely lad who has loads of mates, does a lot of sport and is almost always great fun again now.

[Mumwhensdinnerready]

Mumble that's wonderful to hear. The aliens only took him for 2 years then?

My DS1 is 13. He was physically mature very early and now looks 18 but I thought we were getting off light as he didn't seem to change emotionally.
I was lulled into a false sense of security however as he morphed overnight about a month ago. It coincided with his first little romance. He announced (politely but firmly) that I no longer needed to go in and say good night to him . His already deep voice is now so low and mumbly that I can't hear a word he says and he has ceased all eye contact.
Promise me I'll get him back?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

You'll get him back, Mumwhensdinnerready. My DSs are 22 and nearly 19, and lovely most of the time.

(But they still fight...)