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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DD 16 wants to go to mixed sex sleepover.

68 replies

Giddyaunt18 · 15/02/2017 19:10

DD has some friends that she's started to identify with through school, music and gigs. It's like she's finding more of an identity which is great.Just recently some of those friends have had 'gatherings' at their houses, and because they live far out(15/20 miles away) have said they can all sleep over. We don't know these children or their families. We have said no, she can go to the gathering but we will pick her up at midnight. She has gone off like a rocket, she hates us, we are so unfair, why are we her parents, everyone else is staying(girls are lying to their parents btw) etc lots of door slamming. She is our eldest so this is all very new.Help!

OP posts:

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/02/2017 19:13

Our 16 year olds go on mixed sleepovers. They stay up all night talking in our experience.

SuperBeagle · 15/02/2017 19:17

I'd let mine go. Two years and you'll have no control over what they can and can't do, honestly. You're better off letting them sort themselves out now.

hearyoume · 15/02/2017 19:17

I'm glad my mum treated me like a child when I was 16. I remember some of the things I wanted to do and felt old enough for and my mum was having none of it. I really "hated" her at the time. Pick her up at midnight.

SallyGinnamon · 15/02/2017 19:18

I'd let mine go too. I'd drop her off so that I know where she's staying and then leave her too it. It's hard but it has to be done.

hollinhurst84 · 15/02/2017 19:19

I was living at college at 16, so yes I would let her

user1483387154 · 15/02/2017 19:22

I used to go to mixed sleep overs all the time at that age, nothing ever happened bar talking, singing and watching videos.

Giddyaunt18 · 15/02/2017 19:22

super That's one of the lines she shouts at me, but 2 years older is a lot wiser. She is still very immature in some ways, this reaction for one. I might add that one of the lads is a sort of boyfriend.Does that change things?
heary that's what I keep telling myself, if she hates me I must be doing my job! I know she doesn't hate me really.

OP posts:

pieceofpurplesky · 15/02/2017 19:24

If she is going to have sex with him she will anyway. A mixed sleepover is more likely to be all the kids getting along and having a laugh. I would let her go on the condition I could speak to the parents of the house it is at first to make sure they will be there.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/02/2017 19:24

Hmm if she has her boyfriend there, yes that changes things. Although 16 is legal of course.

Freddorika · 15/02/2017 19:24

Is she year 12? Dd goes to these gatherings a lot. I let her sleep over. We did have a very frank discussion about sex and drinking before she went. Although she was horrified a the thought 'mum they are like my BROTHERS!' I'm glad we had the chat.

SuperBeagle · 15/02/2017 19:25

No, it doesn't change things, IMO. She still has to learn to make choices for herself and feel any negative consequences. She may be immature at 18, too, but there will be very little you can do then.

Freddorika · 15/02/2017 19:25

I hosted one. They drank a lot which I wasn't happy with.

Cooroo · 15/02/2017 19:25

I'd let her stay over. What will happen will happen, whatever you try to do. My DD found similar kinship at that age. It's good for them to belong and sex may actually not be on their minds!

purpleprincess24 · 15/02/2017 19:33

I'd let her go I'd drop her off and arrange pick up for the next day, so you know where she is. Also tell her that if she's uncomfortable about anything, to call you and you'll come and get her.

If she wants sex, she'll have sex, whether she goes to the sleepover will make no difference whatsoever.

In another 2 years she might well be asking about her bf staying over in her room, and that's a whole new lesson .... thought I'd throw that one in, to give you something g to look forward to

Giddyaunt18 · 15/02/2017 19:33

The boyfriend is not serious, in fact she says it's over really. I don't think she is actually ready for anything like that. I think I just react first and think later. i'm like "NO way!!" and then I come on mumsnet. What am i like? DH feels same too though.

OP posts:

Onemorewonthurt · 15/02/2017 19:36

I'm glad my mum treated me like a child when I was 16. I remember some of the things I wanted to do and felt old enough for and my mum was having none of it. I really "hated" her at the time. Pick her up at midnight.

I'm so glad my mom didn't, I'd have hated being treated like a child two years away from adulthood!

However I was mature at that age, so it does depend on that too

Staying up until 4/5am laughing with friends makes the best memories!

I'd let mine go too op

19lottie82 · 15/02/2017 22:10

I'm in the opinion that if you're worried about sex / drinking, not letting her go won't stop these things from happening!

JustDanceAddict · 15/02/2017 22:18

I did from that age - yes people snogged and more (no full sex afaik), but because our group was scattered, we had to bed down in a sleeping bag at parties!

OnHold · 15/02/2017 22:19

I'd let her.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2017 22:35

I would be ok with it.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 15/02/2017 22:40

My mum let me so things like stay at a boyfriends house, go to mixed sex sleepovers, stay out till 3am occasionally etc etc...I really wish she had tried less hard to be a "friend" tbh. because actually I got myself in situations I didn't really want to be in and wished, deep deep down, I was waking up in my own room.

Merlin40 · 15/02/2017 22:48

I'm glad my mum treated me like a child when I was 16. I remember some of the things I wanted to do and felt old enough for and my mum was having none of it. I really "hated" her at the time.
Mine did too, so I just did the things I wanted behind her back. So got into dangerous situations whilst she was blissfully aware. IMO better to have open conversations and put a bit of trust in her.

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Wishforsnow · 15/02/2017 22:52

Depends if you think she may get pressured into anything that she wouldn't want to or if they are just a mixed group of friends.

blowmybarnacles · 15/02/2017 22:53

Hmm, my memory of a mixed sleepover aged 16 was with my so called best friend, her boyfriend and male friends watching Debbie Does Dallas which has stayed with me ever since.

measles64 · 15/02/2017 22:56

My Mother was strict she told me I had to be in at 10pm at aged 18, when I told her I could have had sex earlier in the evening my face was slapped. I have sons, let girls sleep over, when they finally ran out of chat and music and were tired they drifted off to different sexed rooms. You can get into trouble at any time of the day imo.

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