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this has been done before - recently too! today i has a 13 year old girl round for pregnancy test! 13!!!!

(43 Posts)
Tortington Mon 26-Feb-07 22:05:21

i get home from work and my dd says " mum i have a friend. and when i say i have a friend i mean its really a friend ok"
"erm ok"
"well she had sex and thinks she's pregnant and i told her you don't mind talking about sex and stuff and might be able to help her. cos if her mum finds out she will chuck her out."
" erm.. ok - well she needs to go to the doctors and get a test dne - pronto - cos i assume she'ss want an abortion and its not fair to just ignore it and have a late one"

<cue overwhelming catholic guilt shit>

so i invited her over for tea bought a pregnancy test. and did the deed. sh'es not. THANK GOD

but some of the conversations i was having this evening were - umm surreal!

ScottishThistle Mon 26-Feb-07 22:07:25

God poor you!

Is said child now frightened to death of ever having sex again??? (she says hopefully)

CountTo10 Mon 26-Feb-07 22:08:20

I'm sorry but I still can't get my head round a 13yr old child even contemplating sex let alone going ahead and having it!! But shows that you are obviously a very understanding person and your dd knows exactly where to go when needed even if it is for a mate which should say a lot to you about how much she thinks of you if you ever doubt it. My god I wouldn't have gone to my mum in a million years with that at 13!!!

peanutbutterkid Mon 26-Feb-07 22:09:52

Good for you, custy. So glad she had an adult she felt she could talk to.

Miaou Mon 26-Feb-07 22:09:56

Oh bloody hell

But custy, that says a lot that a) your dd can talk to you about these things, and b) the friend could come to you too. I really hope my kids feel they can be that open with me when the time comes.

Hope she's scared herself into behaving more responsibly though.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe Mon 26-Feb-07 22:12:21

bloody hell.

but it says a lot that your dd feels that even her friends could confide in you.

Tortington Mon 26-Feb-07 22:13:19

i told her she must go to doctor and talk about contraception - sadi i was happy for my dd to go with her for support. asked her when - she said this week.

edam Mon 26-Feb-07 22:19:37

Blimey Custy, you are a star. And I am very, very grateful that I have a 3.5 yr old ds, not a teenage dd!

WriggleJiggle Mon 26-Feb-07 22:23:22

OMG! Much respect Crusty for dealing with it so well.
You must have a fab relationship with your daughter.

WriggleJiggle Mon 26-Feb-07 22:25:38

Custy! Sorry, was thinking about bread maker going 'ping'

Tortington Tue 27-Feb-07 08:29:47

custy/crusty - seriously there aint much difference.

you know how the saying goes 'it's always the good ones?' well trez bizzarre this girl is quiet as a mouse, comes from what would seem like good family in posh area well mannered. and there was i saying stuff like " boys will fuck anything. bit a bit more discerning in future. think 'loreal' <cue hair flick> i'm worth it!"

oxocube Tue 27-Feb-07 08:38:03

Do you know her mum and dad custy? If this were my kid (God forbid), I would want to know. Maybe its not too late for the mum to change the relationship with her daughter.

Ditto the other posters who said she was so lucky to have you to turn to.

oxocube Tue 27-Feb-07 08:40:32

out of interest (and slightly off topic), what would a gp do if a 13 year old came into the surgery without a parent and asked to go on the pill? I was 16, albeit a long time ago, and my gp gave me quite a grilling about responsibility and self-worth

Tortington Tue 27-Feb-07 08:45:32

i'm not telling her mum as i want to keep the sanctity of my relationship with my daughter in tact. I'm not a social worker, i dont want to save the world and my family comes first. at the moment i'm pretty chuffed dd came to me.

re doctors. i am assuming they wont tell parents. i dont know for sure.

but my part int his is over as far as practical 'doing' help is concerned , i'm not taking her to family planning!

she needs to face the embarassment of going to doctors. without an adult present to make it acceptable. I think!

oxocube Tue 27-Feb-07 08:49:05

Yeah, I see what you mean (re not telling her mum). You're right - your family comes first.

catrionasmum Tue 27-Feb-07 08:49:34

i am a gp and yes we would talk to her about safe sex etc and make sure this is not an abusive/risky relationship but ultimately she will probably have sex with or without contraception and i would rather her be safe and not pregnant. we do always advise talking to parents or other trusted adults.i know it seems hideous and fortuinately my own kids are a way off this but really the more open you are about sex etc the less likely you are toi get a nasty shock. i think if you talk about it it instantly becomes much less attractive and cool!

LRWG Tue 27-Feb-07 08:49:36

Well done custy. I hope my daughter trusts me as much as yours does when she's older!

Tortington Tue 27-Feb-07 08:52:43

that puts my mind at ease a bit catrionasmum. i was talking about fanjo watrs and everything!

catrionasmum Tue 27-Feb-07 08:54:43

we would be in serious trouble as it would be a breach of confidentiality but if shes under 12 or being abused we have to tell the authourities obviously

Tortington Tue 27-Feb-07 09:07:52

she tells me the boy si in the year abve at school 14/15.

my dd goes ballroom dancing with her every friday, i usually pick them up. so i can keep an eye on this. i think i need to have a discussion about statuatory rape.
....well if you will go having pregnancy tests in my house - i will be opening mi gob!

MamaG Tue 27-Feb-07 09:10:46

<<hats off to custy>>

ledodgyDave Tue 27-Feb-07 09:15:42

Well Done Custy. You've obviously done a really good job bringing up your dd. The fact she trusts you enough to come to you for help with something like this proves this.

Glad the test was negative!

MamaG Tue 27-Feb-07 09:16:47

I hop emy DD feels able to talk to me about things like this when she's 13.

My friend's DD got pg at 13 - v sad

staceym11 Tue 27-Feb-07 09:58:53

well done custy, glad your dd and this friend were able to come and talk to you about things.

i managed to get the pill at 13 from the family planning clinic without them batting an eyelid, they did also give free condoms, seemed the norm at my school (all girls school, may have had something to do with it) that was only 6 years ago!

HuwEdwards Tue 27-Feb-07 10:02:52

You really are a feckin brill mum.

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