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Age gap!

(3 Posts)
Lifeisshort123 Fri 03-Feb-17 22:31:34

DD (14) has been struggling with an eating disorder, anxiety and body image problem where she views herself as fat even though she is underweight with a bmi of 16.5.
Am I being unreasonable to think it's very inappropriate for her to date a 17yr old from her MH unit!
A 14yr old girl and a 17yr old boy in college just seems wrong to me, the staff have told me they can't stop any relationships that happen within the unit and that they are both sensible kids ect. I'm so against this in so many different ways, she's underage, he's a much older teenager, she won't feel capable of reaching a healthy weight if she thinks she has to be skinny for a boy.
If you were in my situation what would you do??
She's come home for the weekend until Sunday evening and she's been crying over missing him...😱

lljkk Sun 05-Feb-17 18:27:11

Why do you think the boy prefers skinny girls?
IME, boys like girl bits to hold onto. The more the better.

There are other reasons to oppose a relationship, she has enough stress as things are, but not clear that is one of them.

Really sorry to hear your DD has struggled so. It's really important to support them to make good decisions. Not make the decisions for them, but show you care by listening to them so they can figure out how to make good decisions for themselves.

Lanny81 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:05:57

He's 17 so he's legal to have sex etc.does he not know that he could get done for statutory rape and made to go on the S.O register for 10 years even if sex is consentual? Not saying that they're having sex don't get me wrong but if he makes her feel better in herself, she could get attached to him, one thing could lead to another...And people can't be around 24/7 to watch over them.
This is a major issues these days due to child sexual exploitation hitting the headlines alot recently. Back in our day, age didn't matter one bit as long as the couple seemed happy etc. But times have changed. Even kissing or holding hands is classed, in the eyes of the law, as illegal. I know all this because an older boy was showing affection to my daughters friend. He was 15 (almost 16) she was 14. They slept together, her Dad found out and poor lad nearly got done. Had he been 2 weeks older (16) he would have got shot for s**t! Luckily, it was down to the girls parents whether they pressed charges and they said no. He was the wrong side of 15 (almost 16) when it happened and had she been slightly younger (she'd just turned 14) then it could have been very different. Had he been 16 then they would have HAD to press charges, they wouldn't have had a choice. Even holding hands or even you allowing him in your house knowing that she's underage and that they're in a relationship can be frowned upon by the police. Do I think it's ridiculous? Yes I do. I mean, what's a couple of years age gap? Would I allow my daughter (15) to go out with a boy at 17 ? Yes I would because she's sensible and is no push over when it comes to sex (she's still a virgin and proud!) But in the eyes of the law it's a completely different kettle of fish.
Tbh I don't know why the MH have said they can't stop it because they have a duty of care, especially when looking after minors which unfortunately your daughter is.

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