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How to reduce my own stress levels

(10 Posts)
gandalf456 Thu 02-Feb-17 14:30:43

My daughter's behaviour has been very challenging since the start of secondary school in 2015. I know it's because she has found the transition difficult. She has also developed a severe anxiety disorder which we suspect has a mild learning disability underlying it. Problem is, she's slipped through the net several times. She has a CAMHS appointment pending which I hope will help this time.

The point is my stress levels are absolutely through the roof because she kicks off potentially several times per day over something very small. Flashpoints are getting ready in the mornings, mealtimes, homework or trying to get her away from the TV/ipad. I am also getting blamed for her lack of confidence, friends etc.

Even when she is calm, I am anticipating not being calm and I find my patience is not at my best and find myself getting in a tiz with DS and DH now too. Of course, this just fuels the whole situation nicely.

For a bit of background, I work p/t. The job isn't challenging as such but is tiring and I have a bad back, too. I also have to support my mother quite a lot because she is widowed and has some minor mental health issues of her own so her coping strategies are zilch.

At the moment, I am trying to incorporate some down time into my day but, even when I get it, I can't totally unwind. I am finding myself slipping away and not wanting to see people

attheendofmytether2 Thu 02-Feb-17 14:53:25

No advice, sorry but I am in exactly the same situation. I have just been prescribed anxiety medication and sleeping tablets, which isn't ideal but has certainly helped. This sounds really negative but don't expect any changes with camhs involved we have seen them fortnightly for 4 years and although they've tried to be helpful DD is just as challenging (in fact far more now aged 15). My dd is in a school for children with behaviour and emotional difficulties , what's your dd like in school? What does she do when she kicks off?

gandalf456 Thu 02-Feb-17 14:59:22

She's OK at school but flagging academically and starting to lose friends over her immaturity and tendency to be annoying when she doesn't get attention.

When she kicks off, she breaks things deliberately and bangs her head

GeorgeTheHamster Fri 03-Feb-17 16:00:48

You need to out ourself first I think. If you try, can you make time for solo walks, mindfulness exercises, trips out of the house on your own?

Also - pick your battles. Work out what is really important to you and let some things go.

Things I have let go - towels left to fester on the floor, showering every day, extra curricular activities, bedroom tidying, laundry not in the basket (I just don't wash it).

Things I push - not staying at friends overnight in term time except occasionally on Saturdays, some time with the sodding phone out of the bedroom, schoolwork.

t875 Tue 07-Feb-17 15:58:37

Practical things that have helped me with stress is joining the gym and clubbercise. I feel loads better after I've exercised.
What about meditation apps or just meditation.
Evening primrose oil.
Getting out with your friends coffee/ meal. ( time for yourself)
I'm through the other side of this with dd 14 was definitely hormonal time. What does she enjoy? Does she go to clubs?
Is anything bothering her? She sounds like she's frustrated?
It's a massively turbulent time.
Can I suggest also a great book for you to read is the teenage brain that really helped me to understand her more when she was going through her tough time. There's another book I can't think of which is really good I can let you know.
Also call young minds they were great to talk too.
All the best for you and your daughter. I know it's very hard xx

gandalf456 Tue 07-Feb-17 16:13:46

She is having problems with friendships. The dynamics changed when she joined Secondary in 2015. She is very immature for her age both emotionally and physically. She was never easy-peasy at Primary but not unmanageable and was happy. She also finds the homework too challenging but is already in the lowest groups. She finds even doing it challenging when it looks really easy. It's a constant headache. The school responds by throwing extra work at her - e.g. 2 x 1 hr lessons after school, which makes her even more tired and the homework an even bigger headache. I am wondering if there is an underlying SN issue which I've been trying to pinpoint since the very early days - 3ish.

t875 Tue 07-Feb-17 18:40:25

Wow certainly doesn't sound like the school are being that supportive by piling on the work.

When is her cahms apt?
Maybe have a look through texts her history on her computer and see what she's looking at. We banned tumblr here as it's dark and depressing.

What does she enjoy doing? Do you think she would benefit to join a club? She could hopefully meet new friends?

gandalf456 Tue 07-Feb-17 19:38:28

Camhs is next week. I'm hoping they will make suggestions regarding the work. I think the school are looking at it as me not supporting her education. On paper, I look uneducated because of the job I do but I had a good education. I think I'm going to have to push that point. People do treat you differently. They shouldn't but they do.

She does Guides and a Youth Club. She likes to be active. I think a sport would be good for her or music, which she likes too. Trouble is, she doesn't have a lot of confidence but I'm trying to encourage her

t875 Wed 08-Feb-17 20:06:24

Sounds like you are doing all you can. Keep pushing the sport and music the more she does it the more confident she will get. X
Good luck for her apt at cahms next week

user1486603480 Thu 09-Feb-17 02:13:58

Stop worrying how you look school won't be judging you they are looking for answers. Is she getting picked on and doesn't know how to deal with it my ds has some issues that came from primary school and he gets defensive as soon as anyone says slightest thing which other kids find amusing so spurs them on.

High school is hard stop looking for excuses and just sit her down and have a chat with her.

I know I'm not offering a solution but understand its about her they don't know your background x

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