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13 year old daughter wanting to move to NZ

(5 Posts)
Jojobee18 Sun 29-Jan-17 08:33:45

Hi there I have a dilemma and am seeking others opinions on this.
My nearly 14 year old girl was born in NZ and lived there till she was 8. When she was 8 I travelled to the UK with her on a 1 year working / travelling holiday. I subsequently met my now husband who is British.
My daughter is desperate to go back to nz to live as she can see and rightly so it is a better quality of life. If I am honest I am ready to go back to nz too as my parents aren't getting any younger. My husband is very stubborn not wanting to move even out of london saying his work prospects would not be as good . He also has a fear of flying , driving , going in boats. We live in a zone 2 concrete jungle.
I am torn as I think life would be better for my. Daughter back in nz I can see her point of view, I just think it she is too young to be so far away ?Also I don't want her to rebel if I say no either. My husband has said if I let her go then I might as well go too ! Should I try and keep my daughter in the uk but get her out of london via a boarding school?

FauxFox Sun 29-Jan-17 08:41:26

You must have discussed this before you got married? Has he always been totally opposed to it?
I think your husband needs to be open to considering the idea - what are his job prospects in NZ? Where would you live? Can he get help for his travel phobias - surely that is worth addressing anyway? How do you go on holiday?!

On the other hand a 14 year old should not be making unilateral decisions for your family - why does she want to go now? Can she look at doing uni or college over there when she is 16/18? It's a tricky age and if this is a recent thing it may just be some friendship issues that have made her want a change of scene. Try and find out what the exact attractions of NZ are go her and see if you can give her some outlets to have those things whilst in London.

Good luck x

SloanyAnne Sun 29-Jan-17 08:41:34

Why are you staying? Where would you want to be if you could wave a wand and get everyone else to agree?

jemmstar1980 Sun 29-Jan-17 08:43:09

If nz is out of the picture what about a move outside of zone 2 where DH can still commute to work but you are out of the concrete jungle.

Personally having spent three months in NZ I think your 14 daughter has a very good argument. And no you shouldn't let her go in 4 years she can make that decision for her self.

Seems to me DH is being selfish - this is a huge decision and he needs to be willing to discuss it.

houseofpain Sun 29-Jan-17 08:47:04

I would really want to sit down and think about quality of life there. As a kiwi in London I know I idealise NZ but the quality of life is not necessarily better there - it really depends on what you want to be doing. Your husband is also probably right about work. The number of people I know struggling to get anything as interesting (let alone that pays well enough) on returning home is quite high.

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