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DS becoming depressed

(6 Posts)
CarpetDiem Sat 28-Jan-17 23:50:21

My 13 yo DS built up a very strong/ intense friendship with a boy he met when he started secondary school. They were always texting all wk & meeting up at wk end. A group of 4 of them got friendly playing Pokemon & I was happy he had made new friends. At Christmas, his new 'bestie' started calling DS a fatty & started distancing himself & stopped talking to him. Bestie being a popular kid managed to turn the others against DS. DS has become very upset & withdrawn. As it turns out DS was 'having a laugh' one day & jokingly said that one of the other boys 'smoked weed' (not exactly funny- but that's 13 yo boys for you). Bestie accused DS of being a shit stirrer, DS waited a few days, texted & phoned bestie to apologise, bestie refused. He tried talking to the gang at lunch last wk, they all laughed at him.
My DH & consequently DS have always been cup half empty types. Now DS is becoming very down and tearful about the whole thing. He has no other close friends. I'm trying to be positive but he's saying he doesn't want to go to school and I'm stuck as to what to do.
Tonight, I feel like shit. DS has said a random boy on PlayStation has told him his 'bestie' has invited all the other boys to his house tonight and they've posted lots of funny pics on snapchat &!they're having lots of fun.
He was crying earlier & I cannot help but feel angry/ like I should do something to sort this out.

OP’s posts: |
misshelena Sun 29-Jan-17 14:59:49

So sorry this is happening to your DS. I have two DDs and know this sort of drama is very common among teen girls. I guess it happens with boys too sad

Classic bullying behavior based on social power. Very hard to pin down since no physical aggression is present. Also the fact that the boy can claim that ds started the whole thing doesn't help. But please know that this boy would have found a way to bully DS even if DS hadn't made that first mistake. Not saying that you are, but please don't even slightly blame DS for having "brought this on himself". He didn't, he made an ordinary joke and the bully decide to use it as an excuse to start bullying DS.

Unfortunately there is very little you can do except being there for him. Don't go talking to the boys' parents. That won't help even if the parents are sympathetic. Those boys will blame DS for getting them in trouble with their parents and will make his life even worse, in ways invisible to adults. The best thing DS can do is to pretend that he is not bothered and has decided to move on. It's extremely hard to do so, but if he can do this for a week, other kids will start to approach him again. If he let the bully and his cohorts see that he is bothered, they'll only feel more powerful and double down on their bullying.

This is a very tough situation... you need to be strong and supportive of DS. Are there extracurriculars you can sign him up for? He needs something to fill up his time, take his mind off the drama, and make new friends.

CarpetDiem Sun 29-Jan-17 15:12:49

Thank you misshelena for your advice. I was contemplating contacting their parents but I think you're right. I've made a point of telling DS to ignore them & that he's better off without them, not true friends etc. He played in a football team up until last summer when he lost interest, I think I'm going to persuade him to go back, different set of boys to socialise with. Bullying can be subtle & I will keep him close so he can tell me what's happening. I'm trying to play it down though too. Such a difficult balance sad

OP’s posts: |
loinnir Mon 06-Feb-17 21:51:20

I would also discuss the situation with his tutor at school .They may be able to pair your DS up with someone else who is a bit of an outsider or keep an eye out for trouble in class. Is your DS ok at lunch/break - the school may have a safe space type room to eat lunch for those being bullied or on their own and activities at break in the library. These "free" times can be the worst for many children.

The football sounds like a goo idea.

t875 Tue 07-Feb-17 06:54:18

I would speak to the school and see if they can help to mediate the situation
I would get him to join a club so possibly might meet new friends.
I would get him to block all those friends on snap chat. What he doesn't know won't hurt him although really nasty. He definitely doesn't want to be friends with this boy he sounds not nice atall.
If he's good at something I would get him to do it more as this builds confidence self esteem.
Keep an eye on it. If it really does get bad then I would look at possibly moving class or failing that school.
Has he any other friends you can encourage to come round or to meet up with ?
Hope this situation sorts itself out Thoigh. Doesn't sound nice atall x

t875 Tue 07-Feb-17 06:55:31

Just read about the football. Hat sounds a great idea to e courage him to go back to that!!

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