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Struggling

(11 Posts)
HilsMorris Sat 28-Jan-17 10:22:38

When my son was 18months old my husband of 10 years traded me for a younger, more attractive model. We lived apart for a year but he came to the house every day to see our son before going back off to hers. We eventually got back together and all was well until six years later I found out he was still in contact with her and they'd met a couple of times. I was really angry and felt very stupid but again, we talked and shouted and he promised to break all contact. I decided to stick together for our son. (I know!) I decided Iwould sacrifice my happiness for my son so he had two parents and again all was well.
But now, our son is a teenager who dotes on his dad and I am always bad cop. He shouted at me the other night thst I was the reason nobody got on in the house. That hurt a lot. I wanted to scream that actually he had no idea what I had sacrificed to keep the family together.
Dad is the good guy all the time. I feel he doesn't support me (although he argues that he does). I'm always tired, I work full time but I do all the housework (trust me Ive battled with this. He says I just need to ask, but when I do it's always "later".
I've really started to resent the fact that after all that happened, he's come out smelling of roses and I'm always the bad one nagging our son to revise for his exams, walk the dog, put his plates in the kitchen.
Im at my wits end. Ive always been very fair with my son, allowing his friends to stay over all the time, feeding them, giving them lifts but my son shows me little respect or gratitude. This is a crucial time for my son with his exams but Im really struggling to keep it together and I have the overpowering urge to move out and leave them to it...but we've got so far. What do I do?

fitzbilly Sat 28-Jan-17 10:25:57

Have you sat down and talked to you son, at a time when you're back calm, and explained how you feel? Does he know about his dad cheating?

HilsMorris Sat 28-Jan-17 10:29:54

I've tried to but he's very Kevin the Teenager at the moment and doesn't respond much. He doesn't know anything about what happened.

HilsMorris Sat 28-Jan-17 10:33:16

(Thank you for responding btw)

Astro55 Sat 28-Jan-17 10:33:33

You are acting like a slave so they are treating you like one

STOP - go on strike - mirror their behavior -

Let him see what hard work is like

Join a gym - go to the pictures after work - meet a friend for coffee - let them fend for themselves

youarenotkiddingme Sat 28-Jan-17 10:38:31

I agree it's probably more that your there all the time to do these things and so they expect you to do these things.

My friend recently said her DD is getting the teenage tude and flaring at her about what she doesn't do. She couldn't understand it when she's mostly the host for the friends, the taxi and provides money as and when.
I said I wondered if perhaps she needed to stop that for her DD to appreciate what she does do rather than always picking up on what she doesn't. Then said if it didn't work (e.g. her attitude didn't change) at least her DD was learning disrespect gets you nothing!

MorrisZapp Sat 28-Jan-17 10:39:47

I honestly don't think that teenagers notice or care who sacrifices stuff for them. They are the ultimate narcissists.

Your dh sounds like a lazy git, which you have probably enabled over many years. If you think you could bring about a change in his attitude by taking a strong stand then it's worth a go, but reading your post in all honesty you sound like the classic couple who manage to just about hold it together till the kids leave home then split up.

From what you've said, nobody would blame you for leaving this guy.

HilsMorris Sat 28-Jan-17 10:49:04

You are all absolutely right and I do need to toughen up with the husband. He does work hard in his job but then again, so do I!! He hets in and puts his feet up. I'm going to do the same from now on. I might invite his mum round fior Sunday dinner every other week becsuse he cleans like his life depends on it then!!!
If the house looks like a tip my son won't notice anyway!
Thanks everyone. Feel better now.
Im not going to wait for them to come in from footy. Im going shopping! smile

youarenotkiddingme Sat 28-Jan-17 12:39:51

Love the idea of inviting his Mum round as a way of getting him to clean!

Chezzaj Sun 29-Jan-17 22:20:13

I'm in desperate need for some help ano advice. I'm a mum to a 18 year old 17 year old and 15 year old. My 15 year old for a long as I can remember is a complete nightmare I'm truly at my wits end and have no clue what to do. He's currently attending an outsource education centre as 3 high schools have given up on him understandable as he just thinks he's the bees nees. He speaks to everyone like their a piece of shit he has no respect he continually breaks the rules he nicks money and has taken my painkillers (tramadol) I have to lock everything away including food and my bedroom. He's been under the care of CAHMS but been discharged as he doesn't have mental health issues he's just very very 'naughty'. The only thing I can truly say that's good about my son is that he's not out robbing old ladies. I'm totally heartbroken I've no clue what to do. He's permanently grounded I've asked his boos at work to pay me his wages rather than him directly. He's lost his phone and still doesn't care......please help me

garlicandsapphire Sun 29-Jan-17 23:29:16

Your DH sounds lazy. Dig your heels in.

Mum's always get the worst shit because we are the most relied upon and reliable person in their lives, who will love them whatever. Know it and love him and he will recognise it one day. Teenagers are shits. Lazy Dads seem cool, particularly if they dont hassle about homework, bedrooms. washing, helping out at home, but they are still slackers in the end and kids do grow up to see it.

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