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Not - quite - teenager REALLY pushing boundaries

(4 Posts)
RainbowDashing Tue 24-Jan-17 10:42:03

Dd is almost 13. For the past few months her behaviour has been steadily getting worse. Some of it fairly standard ie eye rolling, stomping upstairs, room a total disgrace and so forth. . Recently though it's escalating. She's been taking my makeup without asking. She currently doesn't have her phone because of the amount of online drama amongst her friends, she tried to tell me she was the victim of it but when I read her messages she was largely the cause of it. She then took her sister's tablet without anyone's knowledge. Money has been going missing from my bag, I strongly suspect it's her but can't prove it.

In mitigation, we've had a shit six months, my mum was ill and then died a couple of months ago. Dh has been a selfish lazy arse and I'm sure she's picked up on how pissed off I've been. But I've always tried to talk to her and make time for her.

Shes had sanctions (no phone) and has lost her pocket money. I spend time with her doing activities of her choice. We chat a lot about her life, her day, current affairs, her opinions etc etc.

Last weekend we went to the cinema. The weekend before I took her swimming, just then two of us, and we also had a couple of hours wandering round town browsing makeup. Apparently though I don't give her enough attention. If I'm in the middle of something and don't drop it immediately if she wants to chat then I'm in the wrong and it gets thrown back at me if I challenge her behaviour.

She's constantly in trouble and I'm so tired of being the bad guy, she says I'm always nagging her and I am, but I can't let the Internet stuff and the casual lifting of other people's belongings go unchallenged.

Help!!

Notonaschoolnight Tue 24-Jan-17 10:54:47

Are you sure we don't have the same 13 year old it's a horrendous time isn't it, long gone on the days when you could be stern and they accepted it now it's a battle and it takes me hours to recover as I'm upset I go over it all again in my head worrying if I handled her in the best way

Mine didn't go to school till 10am today wanting to stay off for period cramps but I wouldn't let her so she went mad in the end I took her sister to school, walked the dog and in that time she got herself ready for school and we were able to have a calmer chat about the situation part of me thinks I got through to her, but the negative side of me will bet that she'll spend all day sat in the medical room and my words have fell on deaf ears

So yes I sympathise and will be waiting to see if you get any words of wisdom as her sister is 12 so I've got the pair of them to deal with sad

RainbowDashing Tue 24-Jan-17 13:00:40

It's so infuriating isn't it? Mine asked to stay off school last week because she was tired. Errmmm nope, get to school. Thankfully she did, she hasn't refused school (yet) but I'm waiting for the day.

I'm dreading getting home tonight, I found her sister's tablet and my eyeshadow in her room this morning after she'd gone, so another conversation will have to be had, in which I'll be told it's my fault somehow because I'm not always at her beck and call supplying endless cash <sigh>

swingofthings Tue 24-Jan-17 16:03:03

Don't change anything in the way you are dealing with it! It's amazing how they can guilt trip us in making us think we are terrible parents! It's not that they are manipulative really, it just that they go through a total self-centered stage when they are themselves so focus on themselves, they think that everyone else does!

Continue to balance discipline with making time together. I know sometimes it feels like rewarding bad behaviour and they do like to make a point that it is not that special, making us want to give it up, especially when we are spending money, but do grit your teeth and keep it up. It will get better, promised!

I too couldn't believe DS's behaviour, and then started to panic that he was suffering from depression, but as I was starting to research it and consider talking about counselling, he totally snap out of it! He is now a typical 15yo, the next stage, not angry so much or throwing the 'nobody loves me', just not much interested in engaging, taking what he gets for granted, and making it clear that I'm an embarrassment!

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