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Contact Order at 16 years old...?

(8 Posts)
Rouslin Wed 18-Jan-17 12:08:02

Hi

My son reaches 16 in a few months and the Court Order setting out contact with his father will end.

What happens beyond this with contact arrangements/transport etc?

To add some context -

I left when I became pregnant due to DA. Never married/lived together. Now reside seperate ends of the Country. Relations are still v.strained. He can still be abusive to me on the phone.

Contact has been strictly 5 days at Easter and 10 in the Summer. We have shared journeys for contact, drop/collect via relatives due to his aggressive behaviours.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

Thank you

Evergreen777 Wed 18-Jan-17 18:47:36

I think it becomes up to your DS and his dad whether it continues, or how. I don't think you can stop DS seeing his dad, but neither could a court force it. What does DS want?

ProphetOfDoom Wed 18-Jan-17 18:58:59

What does your ds want?

Rouslin Wed 18-Jan-17 19:34:46

Thanks for your replies.

He wants to continue contact, but less. Just not looking forward to renegotiations given his volatile temper.

Was unsure whether he is able to apply to the court to extend the Order? Or to take me to Court if he isn't happy that contact will decrease...?

Evergreen777 Wed 18-Jan-17 21:49:17

Sounds tough. At some point your DS will need to take charge of his own relationship with his dad. Is this something he's looking like being up to? If he's a young 16 he might look to you to facilitate things for a bit longer.

You could email your ex and tell him DS would like to see him for whatever weeks he wants this year. Might be easier if you can make done excuse for shortening it (school trip, revision, etc)

I don't think your ex could take or back to court now that DS is 16. 16 year olds can decide for themselves where they live unless a court decides they're at risk

ProphetOfDoom Wed 18-Jan-17 22:23:02

Really good advice from Evergreen.

At some point soon your ds will manage that relationship himself. You can remove yourself entirely from contact, although I wouldn't necessarily leave ds to deal with him alone. I cannot imagine any solicitor supporting your ds's bio-dad reapplication to the court - complete waste of his money. Your ds' wishes are very much taken into account. Ds can get married and drive at 17! He'll either be off to uni/training or getting a job soon.

Rouslin Wed 18-Jan-17 23:08:22

Really helpful advice - much appreciated. I will make some excuse around a school trip for this year to shorten contact. Relief that you both think court action would be unlikely.

I can't wait to step out of arranging contact altogether, but for now DS is quite young for his age and is afraid to tell his Dad what he really wants. He tries, but he ends up being bullied into agreeing something else. His Dad only hears what he wants to and is quite manipultive and forceful so DS backs down. I don't like seeing that and how it makes him feel. But you're right, one day he will need to take this on himself. He's just not quite ready to yet.

I accept I'm going to upset the balance so do you think is it unreasonable to ask his Dad to make the journeys going forwards? I end up using my annual leave, because otherwise I'll have to take DD and it's a good 8-9 hour trip.

Thanks,
xR

hahahaIdontgetit Wed 18-Jan-17 23:10:52

It's going to be up your DS at 16, but if he's struggling to tell his dad what he actually wants you may end up having to facilitate more contact, not less.

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