Help! 14DD showing interest in 17yr old..!(6 Posts)
My 14yr old daughter is currently an inpatient after failing to maintain and gain weight and a suicide attempt leaving me no option but to send her back to the MH clinic that is for children from age 11-18th birthday. DD has mentioned a 17yr old boy who is on her unit and the room next to hers, he seems a nice lad to what I've heard and I've seen him briefly during our Skype call this morning. She spoke about him briefly but I really wasn't happy what he was telling me, she told me she had a little crush on him, told me about his sisters who were similar ages to her (13&14 I think) and from what I've gathered he seems to be hanging around her a little too much. I don't have a problem with her having older friends but I feel like this lad is taking advantage of her age and hanging around her a little too often. I'm really worried that he's delaying her progress and possibly making things worse for her considering she's got a little crush on him. I've phoned the clinic just to enquire about the lad and they told me that he was a quiet, caring boy who suffered with bulimia and anxiety but was helping DD and watching out for her as well as just being a good friend. AIBU to not want her to get too close to this boy as I think it's going to delay her progress as I don't think she's focusing on actually getting better at the moment. I'm not suggesting that he's taken a liking to her, I'm just worried that the little crush she's got is going to turn into something much bigger.
Do I just let the staff deal with any upset or do I need to get involved?
I don't want to cause hassle but I don't think a heartbreak or crush on an older boy is really helping her recovery.
Any views or suggestions on what I should do would be appreciated!
He's also leaving the unit in 4 months so I think if she gets to close to him and he leaves if she's still there she's going to find it very hard to cope with..
I think you should talk to the staff about this as soon as possible.
I'd put a complaint in that they breached his confidentiality by telling you what illnesses he has. Appaling.
I think it's going to delay her progress as I don't think she's focusing on actually getting better at the moment.
Having someone to talk to who is going through similar problems is going to be helping your daughter enormously.
Having said that, of course it's worrying given the age gap, and yes when he/she leaves the unit and they're separated she will find it tough. But I would say that leaving the unit and going back into "real life" is going to be tough on her anyway.
She needs help to cope with her feelings including feeling she has a crush on someone and hopefully staff are helping her with that in therapy sessions. So long as staff are aware and are doing their jobs to protect her and ensure the "crush" feelings don't go any further then overall this friendship could be very helpful to your daughter.
Thank goodness she is still confiding in you.
I'm not sure how you feel he is taking advantage of her. He is equally vulnerable and is obviously also in the unit for a reason (as pp rightly pointed out, a reason that should NEVER have been discussed with you).
Just because she has a crush on him, does not mean that he feels the same even in the slightest. I think your focus is misplaced, inform the staff of this crush (on the off chance that they haven't noticed!) And then leave it to them.
If he is doing well and getting better, then surely he's a good role model for your DD? If they then both stop complying or going backwards, well unfortunately that can happen in these units, him being a 17yo boy is irrelevant, she could befriend and rebel with a 12yo girl. The staff are used to this and know how to deal with it
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