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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Leaving 16 year old overnight

21 replies

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 11/01/2017 10:34

I have to go away for work in a couple of weeks, and stay over for two nights. We have the option of DH coming with me, doing his own thing in the day time then us going out together in the evening and staying in the hotel with me.

DH thinks that DS16 will be fine in the house on his own. For background, DS is very independent and resourceful, can cook (has a catering GCSE and often cooks dinner), knows what to do if there is an emergency (trip switches, water, changing bulbs, burglar alarm, power cut etc) and has been spending days in the house alone while I work away since he was 11 or so, although DH has always been around at night or he has stayed with my parents.

I have the option of him staying with my parents this time too, they live nearer to his sixth form than we do and are happy to have him, but he would prefer to stay at home. I know he is sensible and wouldn't have wild parties or invite girls over. He will be at cadets on the second evening until 7pm anyway and we would leave him enough money to go to the chip shop if he didn't fancy cooking.

I just can't shake off some worry that it would be wrong to leave him alone overnight, even though he is a phone call and 10 minute drive away from his older brother and grandparents if things went wrong or he got lonely. DH thinks I'm being silly, and I can't even think of a valid reason why he shouldn't be allowed to stay at home, at 16 he could join the army, get married, have a child himself.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

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Somerville · 11/01/2017 10:36

I'd leave the sort of sensible 16 year old you describe overnight, and I'm normally pretty cautious.

Seeline · 11/01/2017 10:37

OK - there were two of us, but my mum and dad left DSis and me for 2 weeks aged 15 and 17. I am sure he will be fine if he is happy to be left.

StewieGMum · 11/01/2017 10:41

If he's sensible, I would ask how he felt about it - just in case he had concerns.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 11/01/2017 10:46

Thanks for your replies. I think I will let him stay home in that case, with the proviso that he can go to his nan and granddad's if he wants some company.

OP posts:

AstridLevinson · 11/01/2017 10:48

Just make sure he posts nothing to any form of social media about the parent free house! Are house crashing parties still a thing??

Isadora2007 · 11/01/2017 10:51

He will be fine. We left dd(16) alone for over a week. My mum and dad are local and mum spent a few nights here and a few evenings too. Dd had a party (two actually as we were away two weekends) but we knew she was having them. It was all fine.
Enjoy your time away.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 11/01/2017 11:01

Thanks. I will remind him about social media. I know he uses it but he's blocked me on Facebook so I can't check up on him.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/01/2017 12:09

He sounds very sensible so I think I'd be fine leaving him. I have two very nearly 16 year old DDs and not sure I would to be honest.

INeedNewShoes · 11/01/2017 12:11

He sounds more capable than people I know who are decades older!

YouMeanYouForgotCranberriesToo · 11/01/2017 12:13

My parents and my sister went on holiday without me when I was just turned 16. I don't think I even had anyone over to the house, it was such a novelty to have itall to myself. I would say if he's sensible it will be fine.same as with you, my nan was atound if I needed anything and called to check in me a few times.

misshelena · 11/01/2017 13:37

Astrid-- great point! And yes, house crashing parties are still definite a thing where I live in NE US.

exexpat · 11/01/2017 13:46

I left DS for a couple of nights when he was 16 - it was fine. If he's as sensible as you say, and it's a school night, then I expect he will barely notice you have gone. If you're worried, you could always ask the older brother or grandparents to look in on him.

WankersHacksandThieves · 11/01/2017 23:49

Whilst in an ideal world it would be good for him to have one overnight alone before going for two and them a longer, in this situation and with family nearby I would do it.

I'm leaving my 16 and 15 year old sensible boys for their first overnight this weekend but it'll just be Saturday tea time until Sunday lunch. We don't have any family nearby but we do have kind and helpful neighbours if there was any issue.

It's hard this parenting lark. I hope you all have a nice time OP.

Aroundtheworldandback · 12/01/2017 15:52

I think it 100% depends on the teen. Go with your gut. Sounds like he's resourceful and sensible, so this will be a boost to his confidence, he'll know you trust him.

My ds 16 on the other hand would scoff custard creams for every meal and game into the night given half the chance..

KindDogsTail · 12/01/2017 16:00

I think he sounds very capable and you I think you would be able to leave him without worrying.

WatchingFromTheWings · 12/01/2017 16:05

He sounds sensible enough so I'd do it. Just ensure he has everyone's phone numbers incase he needs to contact anyone. I left my 16 and 14 yo for 48 hours in September. They can't cook so lived off pizza and nuggets and survived.

pinkyredrose · 13/01/2017 00:23

OP you could open another Facebook account and check up on him if he hasn't locked down privacy settings. Or you could make unblocking you a condition of leaving him that night, otherwise you'll get someone to sit in the house? He sounds pretty sensible though.

AndNowItsSeven · 13/01/2017 00:37

Blocking you on Facebook doesn't sound very mature , that would concern me tbh.

exexpat · 13/01/2017 15:31

I have never been Facebook friends with DS (now 18), and it doesn't bother me a bit - Facebook is for him to communicate with his friends, not for his mother to keep tabs on him.

If he replies to texts and promises to pick up the phone when you call, that is much more important.

cappy123 · 19/01/2017 07:09

We've left DSD on her own for odd nights away (albeit her grandparents lived in the flat downstairs) since she was 14, usually for other family trips that she's opted out of. She can fend for herself but I wouldn't say she's ultra confident. She used to stay with her grandparents, then they'd pop up to check in on her as she got older, now she's happy to stay on her own, usually with every light left on blazing though! In fact she's started to say to us, "When are you going away? I never have the house to myself". She's in eager party mode having started college and made new friends. We've recently moved so we're a mile or so from other family incl grandparents and it's been fine leaving her.

cappy123 · 19/01/2017 07:10

She's almost 17 now btw

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