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Worried about dd's friend (16) - suggestions?

(2 Posts)
iknowimcoming Mon 09-Jan-17 15:30:48

She is in year 12 and has been suffering with anxiety since her GCSEs when the school let her take her exams in a quiet space, her parents were told and all seemed fine-ish. When they went back to school/6th form in September she was having panic attacks regularly and school were helpful, she booked herself a gp appt (in secret from her parents) to try and get some help, they offered her some counselling which she went to twice but hasn't been back as she said it didn't help (again didn't tell parents) panic attacks are regular at school and she no longer attends assemblies etc and quite often takes work to a quiet area of school rather than sit in "proper' lessons. I had assumed school had informed parents, but no apparently not.

At parents evening one of her teachers mentioned to her parents that she had been doing her work outside of lessons - parents went loopy. She has tried to talk to them but they saw she needs to pull herself together etc, no empathy. Parents are very high achievers and have huge expectations of all their kids (which I suspect is part of the problem). On sat night she was messaging dd about how unhappy she was and was drinking vodka alone. Dd is very good and used to her anxiety and was talking her down but even she was worried and threatened to call her mum if she didn't calm down (dd was relaying the messages to me and I was concerned that she might do something daft - to teach her parents a lesson as she put it).

DDs threat worked and she took herself to bed and has been ok since but I've got that feeling that I should do something, but what? I don't feel her parents would take kindly at all to me talking to them (don't know them well at all), would it be worth me talking to the school? I feel I might seem a bit over dramatic since she's not done anything dangerous but I'm worried that it will escalate and I'll wish I stepped in sooner - help?!

titchy Mon 09-Jan-17 16:43:02

Yes talk to school. Do NOT under any circumstances talk to the parents. She has the absolute right not to inform her parents of any MH issues she has or is being treated for. But you could certainly make sure the school were aware of the drinking and possible self harming. Your dd should also encourage her to talk to someone at school, and to give the counselling another go. Your dd shouldn't feel responsible for her though - it's a difficult line to tread.

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