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Bullying? Normal teen behaviour? Please HELP

(5 Posts)
1Confused Mon 09-Jan-17 14:37:24

DD is in year 8 in a co-ed private school which prides itself on its pastoral care. To cut a very long story shorts she's had social difficulties from the moment she joined that school (not knowing anyone else). Aft being put in a class with two groups of girls who all knew each other and blanked her the school eventually agreed for her to change a class. This didn't help too much as by that point DD was feeling so low and unloved.

During summer term I tried hard to help and she got close to one girl. All was well with sleepovers etc. then a third girls joined them and jealousy issues began. Before Xmas the other two girls dumped DD and have since been talking behind her back/blanking her/calling and putting phone down and more. Today she heard one said she would bury the "best friend" necklace DD gave her.

School has been amateurishly useless and has now decided it was all DD fault.

DD in bits and doesn't want me to talk to the mums as she thinks this will only make things worse. And she has a point.

Any ideas how to proceed? We are reluctant to change DD school but if nothing improves we may well do.

All comments/ideas highly appreciated.

Crumbs1 Mon 09-Jan-17 15:04:10

I'm not sure it's bullying but for some reason your daughter isn't fitting in. You might be unlucky and have found two bitchy groups in two classes but there may also be a common factor that needs considering - your daughter. Mine transferred at yr12 into already established groups without any difficulties - a couple of days feeling like they knew nothing and then fully integrated.
Why is she moving in yr 8? How was she socially at previous school? Why are you even intervening in friendships in yr 8 ? What specifically did school suggest was issue?
To be honest in a reasonably sized school with high enough numbers for two forms in a year, there should be some people she can fit in with. Has she taken up extra curricular activities? Maybe she needs guidance on how to make and retain friends. I'd go back to head of house or Year head and discuss with an open mind.

misshelena Mon 09-Jan-17 17:25:17

Agree with Crumbs.
Also, at this age it's difficult for school to intervene, especially in cases where there's no overt bullying behavior. You can't force kids to be friends with ppl they don't like.

Do you have any hypothesis as to why dd is having such difficult fitting in? Is this new problem or did it also happen at the other school?

1Confused Tue 10-Jan-17 09:34:35

Interesting feedback.

Reason for the posting is not that I can't imagine DD has a part to play but that she's always had an excellent group of friends and very uncomplicated relationships. Suspect time will tell.

homerboy12 Wed 25-Jan-17 13:14:12

Hi there, I feel your pain, my DD is 14½ - also had issues since Dec re this and it has caused so much hurt and isolation.
She had a troubled year last year with anxiety issues and was doing ok, but they were really insensitive and left her out of events/meet ups, even tho they knew her year had been a struggle.
It is a life lesson, nothing can stay the same but for a teenager is crashes down for them and in year 10 as she states 'you cant just make a new group'!
My DD is still not back at school since Xmas (anxiety/depression) but having CBT to help confidence and esteem,
Hope it resolves, often it does, I remember my school days too, particularly girls!

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