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16 and committed

(10 Posts)
Aroundtheworldandback Sat 07-Jan-17 10:59:46

Ds16 was a gaming addict, had no life. This summer made him go away with a group where he met a girl. Dating 6 months and they are both convinced they have met their life partner. He is totally under her thumb, does whatever she says. Her parents and older sister met their partners at this age.

Lovely girl would have been delighted if they'd met in 10 years time but ffs 16!!! Surely you're just finding out who you are! They have it all planned, going to same uni etc. They are both 100% certain they'll end up together.

I know I'll be told there's nothing I can do, but any words of wisdom?

corythatwas Sat 07-Jan-17 12:03:37

Play it cool. Don't get into arguments. Point out to him any actual instances where he is badly treated in the present, or speak to him in a general way about relationships and respect, but do not get hung up on dreams they may have for the future: listen with the same amount of kindly detachment that you might have had for his dreams of being an astronaut when he was 6.

Just do be sure to talk about contraceptives- you could perhaps phrase it tactfully as concerns for her health if she becomes pregnant so young.

fwiw I do know a couple of people who have met their one-and-only at a similar age and gone on to be very happy- but that requires a good deal of adaptability and allowing the other person freedom as you will be doing a lot of growing up and changing.

Aroundtheworldandback Sat 07-Jan-17 16:09:33

Thank you so much corythatwas. He won't discuss any aspect of the relationship with me, I know about their plans through his gf. I did try to voice my concerns to him but was told "not to say something I'd regret one day". I have no worries re contraceptives as have found condoms in his bag and she's a bright girl. Guess I'll just carry on pretending I'm not concerned!

insan1tyscartching Sat 07-Jan-17 16:24:45

Invite her round, make her welcome, say nothing negative, make opportunities for him to socialise other people as well (pay for gym membership, encourage him to take up a sport, invite his school friends round for a barbecue or something)
My dses had friends I wasn't keen on,they never knew,they still don't know. You just have to make sure they keep their options open by making sure other opportunities are there. Any hint of disapproval increases the attraction IME so smile and nod through gritted teeth if you have to.

lljkk Sat 07-Jan-17 16:56:28

Come on OP, weren't you sure about some things in the world when you were 16? How many of those ideas have you got now, what turned out like you expected?

Agree with others, make her welcome and don't comment on any detailed future plans.

Aroundtheworldandback Sat 07-Jan-17 17:33:34

Thanks. Just taken her on holiday with us, so made her very welcome which isn't hard because I like her so much. Will try not to worry!

PossumInAPearTree Sat 07-Jan-17 17:46:42

Yep, agree. Welcome her, make her at home, never voice any concerns. If you do it will just push him away. Chances are it won't last but at least you won't have argued about it in the mean time. You won't influence him or make him see your point, he will never believe any negativity so don't waste your breath.

corythatwas Sat 07-Jan-17 18:31:03

At least if she's a nice girl it will make things that much easier. And life isn't a straightforward line where everything happens to everybody at exactly the same point.

I met my dh aged 19; it was a holiday romance on my first grown-up holiday; he was travelling round the country on short-term contracts and I was a student in a different country, we had no money and seemingly little in common. Hardly an ideal situation from anybody's point of view and I am sure my poor mother didn't think so, but we have been very happy and I still managed to get an education.

Aroundtheworldandback Sat 07-Jan-17 19:22:22

I met my ex dh, ds's dad, when I was 17 at college. We should have dated for a couple of months but due to my insecurity I clung on, married him and had 20 years of hell. We were totally mismatched and he had some very serious personality flaws.

Also have a friend who's happy with her hubby she met at 16. As my dad pointed out though, ds didn't have a life before he met her, so I guess he's not 'missing out' now!

Aroundtheworldandback Sat 07-Jan-17 19:23:14

Sorry not dad, dd!

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