Hope that someone can offer me some advice.
It's a long story but hopefully you will understand why I need to tell all!
My daughter got through her first 8 years happily and reasonably healthy. She had problems with an enlarged uterus from a very young age but we got through them.
At 8 her father left us and she was devastated. She ended up with Camhs such was her inability to deal with the situation. (Add here the split was reasonably amicable and I always encouraged a full relationship with her father whatever the personal difficulties involved for myself.) She became a different child, less sociable, less content, more intense.
At 13 she was forced to come out as a lesbian by a homophobic teacher who threatened to tell me. This wasn't a problem. I had long suspected she was gay, had no problem with it and the said teacher ended up getting dismissed for the way she had acted. She had always been strongly female orientated and fiercely feminist for a child! As far back as when she was 4, I suspected that at some stage we would be having a coming out party :-)
It was around this time that she started to rely heavily on an online community and in particular Tumblr and YouTube bloggers. Perhaps a little too heavily but I was mindful of her fierce independence, maturity and privacy.
At 16, she suffered an axonal brain injury and has been recovering ever since. She attended virtually no school during Year 11 due to the injury and yet amazingly, achieved magnificent GCSE grades.
She still suffers with associated problems to do with the injury and appears to have also developed epilepsy although this is still under investigation. At one stage she was suffering severe psychotic symptoms and was hospitalised but fortunately (and apologies for not going into detail) a minor 'miracle' occurred and since then there have been no further problems of this nature. One explanation is that the psychotic symptoms were caused due to abnormal electrical activity in her brain.
A few weeks following the 'miracle' and at the age of 17, she announced one night without preamble that she was transgender and now wanted to be referred to as a boy, with a male name. This was a bolt out of the blue for me. I had never seen any signs of her suffering body dysmorphia although I knew that she loathed the female problems she suffered with menstruation. She did and still does suffer terribly despite being on the pill.
She continues so far to live as she did before albeit with a different name. She wears jeans in the main but does still occasionally wear dresses and skirts and also will pop make up on. I appreciate that gender can be fluid and that we should not have such dyed in the wool views of what a female/male should wear etc but the way I look it at is, if you are a victim of crime the police ask if the perpetrator is male or female. How then can I turn around and say, well officer I'm not really sure because they may be of a fluid gender?
This is isn't about me as such, I know that but I do feel that her coming out as transgender is a political statement and also perhaps influenced by the online communities that she is a member of. I also feel that the brain injury may have some sort of influence on this statement.
She now insists that following counselling, which will begin shortly she will take the hormone treatment and then in a few years time, the surgery.
Please don't judge me. I love my daughter/son totally. If she was male it wouldn't matter but what worries me so much is that unless she gets some pretty impartial counselling, she many end up making a decision that may not be right in the longer term.
My problem is that all the advice for transgender teenagers seems to be directed at those at the younger end of the spectrum. I feel trapped in a limbo between adolescence and adult treatment. I have no say in her treatment etc because she is 17 but yet in law, she is still a child and with all that has happened in the last 18 months, perhaps a little confused, although she will not accept this.
Please don't tell me I should be describing her as him etc. I'm not looking to be taught gender awareness lessons. At present she she's still female! All I want is some advice and opinions. Thank you
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Teenagers
17, transgender, complicated
14 replies
Stoneysilence62 · 03/01/2017 00:08
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