16 yr old pushing the boudaries

[catandmouse2]

Just looking for some mummy back up. My DS 16 lives with me and his sister 11. Dad and I are divorced and it's not even close to amicable. DS went off the rails in Easter hols ( stating out late / drinking/ taking or smoking drugs /not coming home etc) was given the choice to stick by my house rules or take his chances at his dad's - he bailed to his dad's for 6 months. While there he was left to his own devices while dad partied with current lady friend so at 15 ( at that time ) he was totally unpatented. (During this time DS refused any contact with me and his sister). Long story short - turns out his dad threw him out about a month before I got him home and he was sofa surfing at a friends house. His dad didn't think to let me know 😕
Fast forward 2 months - school hols and he is partying again - last night sent me a text to say he would be rocking home sometime after 1am and to leave a key under a plant pot 😠. I told him no chance and if he wanted to stay out that late then he should stay with whatever "friend" he was with. So he calls "loving " dad who rides in to rescue him. Today he rocks home yells " my bad " in my general direction followed by telling me that he and his dad were laughing at me for being so " immature ". That i am the worst mum ever and a " nutter ".So now he has been given 11.30 curfew and no privileges ( it's now his B&B if he treats it like that these are the consequences. I have taken his phone away at the moment until he learns some respect. Am I the only person in the world to expect a 16 yr old to be respectful and enforce consequences (curfew and phone) for disrespect ??
Apparently in the 16 yr old world it's only me that does that ??
TBF I did tell him that as he is 16 he is free to leave and get himself a flat thus avoiding mu house rules.

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

You have my sympathies OP. He doesn't respect you at all. It sounds harsh but I'd be closing my door on him until he stops acting like a spoiled brat.

Do you have any other children that could be affected by his behaviour?

He will realise what he is missing once he's figured out that his dad doesn't appear to be interested in being a parent.

[Aquamarine1029]

Personally, I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Do NOT back down on demading that your son show you proper respect. If you don't, he will only continue to take advantage of you.

[StillMedusa]

My sympathies too.. I had that son! (no 2 of 4 kids..the rest were fine)
We went through years of hell with him... lying, stealing from us, weed, breaking all curfews.
He didn't have the option of another home to go to so in the end it was 'shape up or sod off' and he realised that he didn't want to be on his own ..we gave him 18 as an ultimatum.

For a year or so I treated his as a stranger in my home. That sounds odd but it worked. I was polite, refused to rise to his taunts and acted as if nothing he said made any difference. On the odd occasion he was nice I responded with casual affection. If he smashed a wall in I presented him with the materials for repair and his dad supervised. In an odd way I think we took the pressure off him because there was no point being hideous if no one rose to the bait.
He is now 23... and adorable. Trustworthy and a genuinely lovely man. Currently travelling but will be home soon and I can't wait. He was AWFUL from 12 to 16+ and started to improve at 17 with a part time job (which kept him off the streets). By 19 he was the lovely boy he had been as a child.

Hang in there!

[Howlongtilldinner]

My DS will be 19 this month. He is at uni AKA Club 18-30. I wrote a thread on here a couple of months ago, as he had spent his first terms loan in 3 weeks. He is back home for the 'holidays' where he has laid in bed till the afternoon, has mates here as he feels fit. Doesn't contribute anything to the home at all. Constantly asking for money but refused to look for work. I'm a LP on a meagre wage. I came home yesterday at 10am to find the heating had been left on. he wasn't home, had gone out the previous day so the heating had prob been on for 18 hours+. I text him and he did apologise, because he was rushing to go out. I didn't even get a Christmas card..just a massive piss taker and absolutely no respect for me whatsoever