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Advice needed(9 Posts)
I'd appreciate some advice as I'm in new territory here. My oldest dd is 15 and in her first relationship with a lovely boy who is 17. They met through a joint club outside of school on September and have been going out for 4 weeks (that's so you know the context of they knew each other for a while socially before dating).
This is our first experience of the relationship sphere with our 3 children so I'm finding it hard to know what reasonable boundaries are. The challenge is that they are moving very fast in the relationship, they are spending every spare minute together and after a few weeks my dd is saying they have said to each other that they love each other. I'm not quite sure how to handle it all. On the positive they are very at ease and comfortable with each other - many people have commented on this and they seem very well suited. But I suppose I'm concerned that things are moving very fast and dd has never had a boyfriend before. She is also in the midst of studying for her GCSEs so I suppose I'm concerned her life is quite high impact at the moment.
What advice would you give me - dd talks to me a fair bit and has a good friendship group. What boundaries should we be putting in place? Is this likely to be a long term relationship or in your experience do these fast and furious relationships peter out. Please be kind.
My daughter met her first boyfriend when she was 15, that was ten years ago and she is still with him, in their own house. I think it depends on the ppl themselves, your DD sounds like she has her feet on the ground even while her head is in the air. It might be worth reminding her that even if she consents they would still be in trouble. This would give you and them space to settle in to the relationship with out pressure. As for boundaries have a chat and help her work out studies for school and free time to be out.
Hope this helps a bit.
Thanks Joz - my gut feeling is this is going to be more long term. They seem very well matched. But then again I could be wrong!
Do teen relationships move they fast nowadays though - feel a bit out of touch
Keep listening & tell her to never settle for anything but the best in her relationships. She deserves (& so does he) to only stick with it as long as it's fun & respectful by both sides. You're there to help her out with any stress.
Also a good relationship helps you with all your hopes & plans, doesn't get in the way. Kids with good self-esteem & high ambitions tend to make better decisions. Good luck. x
Thank you - find it so hard to get the balance right between a listening ear and interfering and having to stand back and realise that her experiences will be different from mine. It doesn't get any easier this parenting lark does it?!
You got be kidding, about the easy part. . My three are in their twenties and any body watching sometimes would thing they are going through the terrible two's. But I think you will all be OK.
My worry would be making sure she's doing what's needed for her GCSE'S. I had this last year with a new first time relationship for DD. Luckily he's a great lad and he made sure that she did what was needed. He helped her revise and cut their phone calls short so she could get on.
If you can get him on-side for this that would be great. Good luck
My advice would be to never make the relationship or your concerns about it, a bone of contention between you. Keep all the doors for communication open so that it's as natural for her to talk to you about it as it has been with all the other areas of her life. It may be long term, it may not. But make sure she knows you're in her corner no matter what.