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DD and I can't be in the same room together because she says I make disgusting noises

(75 Posts)
charlotteswebber Thu 15-Dec-16 23:02:26

This is really upsetting me. DD says she can't bear the sound of me swallowing. I don't mean swallowing food or anything but normal swallowing that people do (of saliva, I don't have any medical condition or anything), the type that you can't generally even hear unless you're in a deathly quiet room. But she says she hears it and she makes loud tocking noises with her tongue whenever I swallow, or storms out of the room in a blind rage.

This has become unbearable now, because I'm always walking on egg-shells, trying to time every swallow with some other noise in the house or road, and rather than something unconscious I'm aware of it for every second of my life that she's around me, and even when she's not.

I feel that this is borderline bullying behaviour, because even with other people (when she's not around) I'm hyper aware of it and wondering if they can hear me. I have no trouble making friends or socialising with them, and if what she says is correct I don't think that would be the case. No one else at home shares her opinion by the way.

This has started to really upset me, and sometimes anger me. I've told her it's hurtful but she says she can't help it. Other times I've shouted at her to leave the room because she's the one with the problem. We will be going on holiday soon and I'm absolutely dreading it. If I could get back the money I would cancel the whole thing, because I don't want to be near her and hear her loud clucking sounds and know that she finds me disgusting. I know that this sounds like a weird problem, but please help me. Is there anything I can do, other than stay away from her? How does that even work, and for how long? She's 14. This has been going on for months. Even in the car she does that when she sits in the passenger seat. How anybody can hear a person swallowing while travelling in a car is beyond me.

Backingvocals Thu 15-Dec-16 23:04:59

Ive read about this on MN before. Its called misophonia I think. It's a real thing but awful for you. If you search on here you'll find threads on exactly the same situation. Hope other posters can help you too.

honeysucklejasmine Thu 15-Dec-16 23:06:56

Definitely sounds like misophonia. It's a very visceral reaction, she won't be choosing to get angry.

venys Thu 15-Dec-16 23:08:14

Sounds awful although I can relate a bit. I can't stand mouth noises - although it's only my OH that I can hear chew. And my 3 year old who loves making mouth noises. I just grimace and bear it and it's only occasionally it gets to me. (And I love th both obviously despite those things). So what I am saying is I think it is a psychological thing. I know 14 year olds are very fickle (and also want to assert their independence from Mum) but would she consider something like cognitive behaviour therapy or hypnotherapy to help her get over it? I think you can go to GP for a referral.

WellErrr Thu 15-Dec-16 23:09:02

She needs to get some bloody manners, whatever 'phonia' she has.

Sorry OP flowers

WellErrr Thu 15-Dec-16 23:10:27

Oh and I can relate too - I HATE hearing any kind of swallowing noises and noticed every single one my mother made while I was a teenager. Drove me mad.
But I would never have upset her by going on about it.

blankmind Thu 15-Dec-16 23:10:41

Does she have Misophonia?
www.misophonia.com/symptoms-triggers/

RNBrie Thu 15-Dec-16 23:13:15

Ok, I have this, I can't bear to hear other people swallowing. Particularly toast.

But I'm not rude to people when they swallow around me. It's my problem, not theirs. Your dd is a teenager so I guess there's some volatility there anyway but she should not be rude to you about it.

Sit down with her and go through some information on misophonia. I believe it to be a real thing but the medical profession is a bit skeptical however it might be worth her seeing a GP because her reaction is so bad she could benefit from some cognitive behavioural therapy.

You are not disgusting. Please please believe that.

JellyFishFingers Thu 15-Dec-16 23:13:30

OP I am afraid I was like that for awhile in my teens. I don't know why it got so bad but it was horrendous. I know it hurt my mum. I am still very sensitive to those noises and it got worse recently. What about lowbackground noise? It may help. I am Sorry. It is horrid for you. I couldn't hide my feelings though, it was all I could hear and was unable to keep quiet about it .flowers

yougetme Thu 15-Dec-16 23:18:03

I think she is doing it deliberately to hurt and disconcert you.

And I think shes taught herself to be hypersensitive to you swallowing.

Misophonia may be at the root of this but generally people with this keep their thoughts to themselves and remove themselves from the source of irritation. if possible. your Dd is choosing to point out every occasion to you which is a type of bullying and cannot be allowed to go on. You will be a nervous wreck . It needs to be tackled with her or your mental health will suffer.

GiddyOnZackHunt Thu 15-Dec-16 23:18:14

Would attenuating ear plugs help her? My DD has sensory processing disorder and has these for school. Ours are from Alpine. They take the edge off noise

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Thu 15-Dec-16 23:20:42

Surely if it's a condition/Illness she has it would be everyone's swallowing she has a reaction to not just one persons which it sounds like here?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 15-Dec-16 23:26:12

I am super sensitive to mouth noises too but I don't go storming out of rooms in a rage.

Take her phone away and see if she acquires some manners!

Fairylea Thu 15-Dec-16 23:31:04

I have a son with asd and he has severe sensory needs. Ear defenders often help people in these situations - amazon have loads reasonably priced. They don't completely block noise but do muffle it.

Don't let her bully you. It's her not you. That doesn't mean it's not instensely difficult for her but she shouldn't make your life a misery either.

PickAChew Thu 15-Dec-16 23:35:00

Buy her some noise cancelling headphones for Christmas and insist she uses them, whenever she gets flouncy over noises.

DixieWishbone Thu 15-Dec-16 23:44:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SausageD0g Thu 15-Dec-16 23:45:16

I get like this around various mouth noises (usually chewing noises in my case).

If i am not eating my husband will go into another room to eat an apple/crisps. When I was a teen I absolutely couldn't stand being in the same room as my dad when he ate. Now I struggle with a slight mouth open thing my mum does when she chews.

I've learnt ways to deal with it as an adult (remove myself from situation, make noises myself, chew myself so I hear that in my ear over eating noises, scrunch hands up).

It honestly isnt intentional - its a strange sensory thing that absolutely gives me the rage. I love my husband so it isnt personal - but its very real. Imagine being trapped in a room with screeching blackboards or something. Even now I'm getting shudders thinking of it.

Please dont blame her.

SausageD0g Thu 15-Dec-16 23:46:53

It must be so hard for people to understand if you dont have it.

I've honestly had to leave a train carriage and go for a walk to stop the rage building up when I get it.

ladytrader Thu 15-Dec-16 23:47:39

Don't buy her luxury noise cancelling headphones please! I HATED the noises my Mother made when I was a teenager when she chewed Dinner at the table. It was so bad I heaved at every chew. Im 42 and remember it vividly. BUT I never said anything to her. It was not my fault but it was my problem.

Your DD is a rude bully. She shouldn't upset you like this. Tell her to go elsewhere.

SausageD0g Thu 15-Dec-16 23:48:05

youget - yes adults with this that understand remove themselves from the situation.

As a teen I had no idea I was the one with the problem - I thought my parents were just hideous eaters and/or doing it on purpose. With age has come understanding.... and a few mn threads has helped too!

WheresTheEvidence Thu 15-Dec-16 23:50:24

Could it be this I have recently been diagnosed with this and while I agree that she has to get over it - I find it hard to block out certain noises, hear things louder than others do, deal with sounds that others don't seem to register etc.

It is annoying and I know it annoys my mum that I react adversely but it is something I can't help and do try to change/challenge/deal with.

ladytrader Thu 15-Dec-16 23:50:41

SausageD0g - If i am not eating my husband will go into another room to eat an apple/crisps

How utterly selfish. Unbelievably so! Its your problem, not your Husbands.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Dec-16 23:54:01

Take her phone away, change the wifi password until she stops it.

She might find herself able to not be such a nasty bully.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Dec-16 23:57:21

Before she is diagnosed with a sensory condition, the OP hasnt said she treats anyone else this way.

Has she raged at people in school or in public or other family members?

If not she is a nasty bully and nothing more.

SausageD0g Fri 16-Dec-16 00:01:31

lady - not at all. I will happily remove myself if need be but he often will out of habit. If he walks into where I am but fancies a snack he often will go elsewhere to eat it (if I'm say in the kitchen) but if I walked into the kitchen and he was chewing an apple/crisps already I'd go do something else, I'd never ask him to leave.

It just shows people really don't understand sad

Would you make somewhere wear a scratchy jumper if they had sensory issues with the feel of it and say they were selfish?

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