Advice on stealing teen(3 Posts)
Can anyone help with a helpline or group I could ask for advice? My 17yr old son is on a downward spiral of lying, drug taking (although 'minor' dugs at the moment) constantly flouting all rules in the house, ie smoking in the house, using the floor as an ashtray, having friends round while I'm at work & cranking the music up so load we've been reported to the noise abatement dept, and stealing. Initially money from my purse, but now stealing his 14 yr old sister's bankcard and withdrawing cash from that. I've tried just about everything I can think of - grounding,taking away priviledges, pointing out consequences of behavour,talking, hugging, shouting. We worked out a ten point behavour plan earlier this week. Two days later he stole £20 from my purse - the only money I have left for this week. I asked him to leave & stay with friends for a few days - he is very popular and has lots of friends. he came back this morning saying he had slept on a park bench and after trying to talk rationally about what has happened we ended up having a massive row he has stormed out & I feel really quite sick. I know I am the adult in this relationship, but I don't feel I'm coping very well at all with this. His dad, who left about nine years ago is too busy with work projects to come down and yes, I can see the impact that is having on my son. Can anyone suggest where I go, what can I do?
This is horrific to live through. I have been through identical scenes with my now 21-year old son. As your message is quite old, I hope you have found some solutions together. Can I ask you some questions - you don't have to give me the answers. Firstly, is there another man in your son's life - a boyfriend of yours, live-in partner etc? Secondly, how long has your son been troubled like this? Thirdly, can I ask you to think about what your son is actually doing? He is disregarding your rules, abusing the home he too lives in, abusing his own body and taking things (money) which are not his. These are clear signs that he is desperate. In his own way he is shouting at you very loud about something - his distressed emotional life, a loss of some kind, fear perhaps. When my son went through the same things I see only now that he felt he was losing me to another man. It was his way of protesting. After all, if a toddler behaves badly, breaks his toys, shouts and screams, we understand that they are upset; teenagers are just the same but it always feels more threatening when they're big, I know! Can I urge you to offer your son all the time and real listeing you possibly can. He is well worth it. Inside him is a desperate being who is asking for something to change in a very distinct way. Are you too busy with work to find time for him? Are the meetings/contact with his Dad too difficult now for him to cope with? Is he worried about his body developing? Girls? As a mother of a now fine young man who is still full of self-doubt but pushing his way through this difficult world with courage, I can guarantee that you, your son and society as a whole will benefit from every loving moment you can give him. He is not too old for cuddles and treats, rewards and special times. I don't know enough about your situation to offer anything but this general kind of message. Very good luck to both of you.
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