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15 year old wants her boyfriend to stay over?

(58 Posts)
Onedayinthesun Tue 22-Nov-16 13:46:13

DD has been seeing her 15 yr old boyfriend for 2 months - it is her first relationship and they are "all in" the pair of them head over heels!

He is a lovely boy and hangs out at my house all weekend and a couple of nights after school if they have time .

My DD is trying to convince me it's the norm amongst others her age that are dating to have their boyfriend stay over and sleep in their beds.

I feel really uncomfortable with this and am not ready to allow this. Me and DD have an open relationship and she has told me that she will wait at least 6 months and until she is over 16 years old to take her relationship further. She said her and her boyfriend have talked about it and they want to wait.

I just feel that allowing him to stay over is encouraging intimacy too soon.

They have a party to go to 20 miles away on Saturday night and will be getting an Taxi home around 2am and as he lives a further 5 miles away she wants him to stay the night so he doesn't have to travel onwards in the taxi alone. I have said he can stay downstairs on the sofa - DD feels I'm being completely unreasonable and has now said it is a trust thing and has told me I clearly don't trust her!

I am meeting her halfway yet being made to feel like I'm totally out of order.

Can anyone else share what their house rules are on this?

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 22-Nov-16 13:49:14

I only have boys and a house too small for sleepovers, but my rules would be on the sofa or he goes home, preferably the latter.
It's not just about whether you trust your daughter, it's about whether you trust the pair of them together.

HollowTalk Tue 22-Nov-16 13:49:31

No way! Just laugh and say, "Of course that's what you want, but it's not what's going to happen!"

She's 15 and knows no better. You know she's too young for a sexual relationship and that they're so in love that caution could well be thrown to the wind. And she will be the one to deal with that - and you, too, of course.

I wouldn't have him staying overnight at all, tbh. He can stay in the taxi and go that further five miles on his own.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 22-Nov-16 13:49:34

three DSes here, youngest currently 16.

I won't let girlfriends stay over in same bedroom until they were/are 18.

At around 17, I turned a blind eye to corridor creeping as long as everyone in the right place in the morning.

Imo 15 is too young.

Potnoodlewilld0 Tue 22-Nov-16 13:52:47

No. They may split up next week. Keep your home/her room as her safe space. Once you let one stay they she will expect all her boyfriends to stay and I think she is too young for those kinds of relationships.

If she has a total no BF staying rule at least she will always be able to 'get away' if they start arguing.

Lweji Tue 22-Nov-16 13:59:04

It's 5 miles, not 50. He can go in the taxi alone.

Onedayinthesun Tue 22-Nov-16 14:00:39

Thank you!!!

15 years olds are VERY persuasive and I needed a reality check myself.

Home for boyfriend it is!

TheCakes Tue 22-Nov-16 14:02:13

Yep. Agree with everyone else on this one.

MaisieDotes Tue 22-Nov-16 14:02:19

Er, no. DD is 15. No boys in the bedroom (even during the day) and none at sleepovers.

MyballsareSandy2015 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:09:49

Two 15 year old DDs here and I wouldn't let a boyfriend stay on sofa, let alone their beds!

Too young. Yes they are very persuasive at this age but stay firm.

I'm currently having a debate with one of mine about booze at parties. I'm happy to give her a couple of bottles of cider or beer but according to get EVERYONE else's parents gets then vodka or Malibu hmm

Fairylea Tue 22-Nov-16 17:12:42

No. That would be my response....!

swingofthings Tue 22-Nov-16 18:39:42

She might mean well, the problem is that she might not yet realised the strength of sexual desires when you are in bed next to the person you are head over hill with.

DD is 16 and has many friends, boys and girls and no, not one gets permission from their parents to have their boyfriend/girlfriend stay in their bed at 16, let alone at 15.

expatinscotland Tue 22-Nov-16 18:43:53

He'll be in a taxi, not a random hitchhiker. He goes home in the taxi. My parents were strict and it was no sleepovers at theirs unless he was in the spare room, but when I was 18 my boyfriend's parents let me sleepover with him at his house so I went there until I went away to uni. Bit silly because we still managed to have sex but well, their rules.

NancyJoan Tue 22-Nov-16 18:45:12

Um, no. The sofa or a cab home, matey boy.

danTDM Tue 22-Nov-16 18:46:18

unless you want her having sex, no way (this is what I did when I was 15)

jelliebelly Tue 22-Nov-16 18:48:27

Definitely send him home!

expatinscotland Tue 22-Nov-16 18:49:52

FWIW, I didn't have sex until I was 16 but then it was in France with my French host brother in the house we lived in. My host mother probably knew about it but turned a blind eye because I didn't spend the night, well, not all of it, in his room or he in mine. She knew I went to mixed sleepovers as well but they weren't in her house so she was okay with that and had a more relaxed attitude towards sex. All she said was that I needed to go with my friend Stephanie and get birth control. I said it was sorted and she left it at that.

Kennington Tue 22-Nov-16 18:52:39

Protect her - she may well blame you for not doing so in a few years. He may well be nice but if she gets into a situation she feels uncomfortable with you don't want to get the blame.

LadyMonicaBaddingham Tue 22-Nov-16 18:54:13

My DM didn't let me have boys to stay in the same bed until I was married. No, not even after we were engaged and living together. Your DD can wait (2 months is not exactly a long term relationship, is it?!)

KindDogsTail Tue 22-Nov-16 18:56:56

I think you have met her half way with the sofa and you should stick to your guns. She is too inexperienced to realise that 'trust' is not the real issue, because natural instincts just take over.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Tue 22-Nov-16 19:01:26

It just shows her naivety that she thinks they cab sleep in the same bed and keep it innocent. She has said she wants to wait and if this is true, there is no need for him to stay.

If my dd who is 15 came to me and said she wanted her non-exsistent boyfriend to stay over I would consider it after talking at length and sorting contraception.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 22-Nov-16 19:02:30

I doubt his mum would be thrilled either of she has any sense!

WatchingFromTheWings Tue 22-Nov-16 19:02:44

Wouldn't happen in my house! Taxi home, no arguments. It's only 5 miles.

QueenOfTheNaps Tue 22-Nov-16 19:03:03

Stick to your guns!!! At 15 it is not ok to stay with your BF sad

FRETGNIKCUF Tue 22-Nov-16 19:06:15

No need for him to stay at all.

Two months???


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