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Knives and home made weapons in 15 y o's bedroom - should I be worried?

(20 Posts)
AvocadoGirl Mon 21-Nov-16 23:39:32

I was cleaning my partner's 15 y o son's room and came across a stash of home made weapons he'd apparently constructed from drawer handles and protractors or something.

I found more home made weapons and knives down by the side of his bed, and under his pillow. These weren't amateurish - they were sharp, sturdy built weapons that could cause serious injury, I'm not kidding.

This was the first time I'd cleaned his room, as he's moved out to his mother's for a while, but it freaked me out a lot.

I've talked about it with the boy's younger sister (partner's daughter), and not only did she know about them, she said he'd threatened her with another knife before quite recently.

My partner (the boy's father) didn't know about the weapons, but wasn't happy about them when we found them, and was especially concerned about the knife threatening.

Thing is, I'm not sure I want the boy back now. I have younger children, and my partner and I are planning to buy a home together in a few weeks' time, to all move in together, but this has really scared me. I'm worried now about the safety of my own kids should this boy come back to live with us again, especially the wellbeing of my youngest, who is a disabled girl.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal behaviour for 15 year old boys? Or does this kid need some professional help? I really love my partner, and his kids (even the boy I'm talking about here), but obviously I'm wondering what to do next. I don't know if I should cancel our plans until this is sorted, or just put a blanket ban on the boy returning until he's seen professional help.

Your thoughts on all this would be really appreciated.

CondensedMilkSarnies Mon 21-Nov-16 23:44:41

Is be very worried that he's involved in a gang . It definitely needs addressing immediately .

Who does he live with and are they aware ? I'd hazard a guess that he's carrying these knives with him outside of the house , he's at risk ( and rightly so) of being arrested .

I'm part of an anti knife campaign , my DD's friend was stabbed to death , days before his 18 th birthday .

Your DSS needs a no holds barred talking to with severe punishment if he doesn't get rid of these weapons .

MooPointCowsOpinion Mon 21-Nov-16 23:46:17

You are not overreacting. That is terrifying. I'd get them all disposed by the police and speak to him immediately.

CauliflowerSqueeze Mon 21-Nov-16 23:48:59

No it's not fucking normal. And it's dreadful that he's threatened his sister with it. Damn right you shouldn't let him back in just like that.

SleightOfMind Tue 22-Nov-16 00:02:45

If I found this stuff in DS1(15)'s room I'd be deeply concerned. If DD told me he'd threatened her with one, even jokingly, I'd be furious.
DS did go through a stage of looking at horrible looking hunting knives on Amazon and asking for one when he was 13. The answer was categorically no.
We talked about the consequences of him being found carrying something like that if he left the house with it and how situations can escalate.
He bleated about it for a week or so then let it go. Turned out to be a mixture of Assassins' Creed-related weapon fetish and a friend showing him YouTube videos of knife tricks hmm.
I think it can be on the spectrum of sticks, light sabres, toy swords and they might not realise the full implications of being a teenager with a knife.
Alternatively, he could be feeling very threatened in his peer group and feel that he needs this kind of thing to keep safe or fit in.
while I applaud your DSS's craft skills, his level of interest in knives is unsavoury. Threatening his sister with one is horrible.
I wouldn't be banning him from the house but you need to find out where this interest has come from and make him fully aware of how serious the consequences could be.

Hoping it turns out to be another example of stunning teenage stupidity rather than anything more sinister.

Ohdearducks Tue 22-Nov-16 00:08:43

That's terrifying! I don't blame you for not wanting him back. The boy definitely needs help possibly even police intervention.

AvocadoGirl Tue 22-Nov-16 00:14:01

@Condensed MIlkSarnies - he's now living with his mother. We disposed of all the weapons we found, and a deeper clean out of his room is underway.

@MooPointCowsOpinion - I just dumped them all in the rubbish bin, so they'll be in landfill by now. We haven't contacted the police about this at all, but maybe we should. I'll talk to my partner tonight.

@CauliflowerSqueeze - Thanks for the support. When this sort of stuff happens, you kind of wonder whether you're the only one dealing with it, or if it's normal and lots of homes have teens all building weaponry and stashing it away! It freaked me, but my kids are younger and I haven't dealt with this kind of stuff before.

@SleightOfMind - I think it's more likely to be teenage stupidity than anything else, but it's been enough to freak me out, and the knives will NOT be coming back!

AvocadoGirl Tue 22-Nov-16 00:16:45

@Ohdearducks - I want him back, but I don't want this. I'm seriously scared that he might threaten my own children, who are much younger and who couldn't fight back. Home is meant to be a safe space, not somewhere someone threatens you with knives!

I just don't know what to do.

SleightOfMind Tue 22-Nov-16 00:30:49

Talk to him. You've got no idea why he's been making this stuff and you need to find out.
Once you know a bit more about how this all came about it'll be a natural progression.
Be really clear on how bad threatening his sister was though.
Talk to him about just how much trouble having this stuff could get him in. If it doesn't seem to be getting through then definitely involve the police to scare the shit out of him!

SleightOfMind Tue 22-Nov-16 00:32:15

Btw, you sound like a lovely step mum & it must be damn hard having to parent a teen when yours are still small.

FannyWisdom Tue 22-Nov-16 00:39:38

What would sit better at your house?

Is threatening/involving authority likely to be enough?
Would it be counterproductive and cause a huge row?

Tread carefully here,

1. He has them to hurt people.
2. He has them for protection because he's bullied/vulnerable to gangs etc.

It's my opinion the 2. Is more likely and hopefully someone can point you at specialist help.

wine

AvocadoGirl Tue 22-Nov-16 00:51:58

@SleightOfMind - I'll talk to him when I next see him, but I really don't know how to approach this. I think, TBH, it's more likely that he's making them because he's impressed by what he's seen in games and on DVDs than the likelihood of him being bullied. He's a real normal, typical, good-at-everything, popular kind of kid. Can't imagine him being bullied.

I think step-parenting is hard no matter whether you have kids of your own or not, and no matter what the ages of the step-kids!

@FannyWisdom - I think threatening would cause a huge row sad But I do think that he needs to see a therapist before coming home. I'm scared, and I just don't want to take any chances with the other kids (or myself or my partner) when it comes to this.

FannyWisdom Tue 22-Nov-16 00:58:07

Don't rush to the police, don't rush to let him home yet.

Give yourself chance to see what he made (copy of a prison toothbrush shank being more concerning than a 1/6 fan art copy of Lord Starks sword) and find some appropriate help.

Google every linked charity you can think of for advice on how to tackle it.

engineersthumb Tue 22-Nov-16 01:05:54

It does sound worrying especially the threat part.
I made knives as a child. For me it was about metalworking and they weren't designed as weapons, that said I wonder what someone would have made of them had they accidentally found them?
Maybe have a chat and base judgment on general demeanour and reasoning. I certainly understand wanting to sort this out before moving in together.

swingofthings Tue 22-Nov-16 18:46:12

What does his dad say? Did he speak to him? This is very worrying and needs to be dealt with in an urgent manner. Did his dad speak with the boy's mum?

He might be a very normal teenager, but if he has an obsession with knives, and has gone to the next step of threatening someone with it, then this is indeed extremely concerning.

It's not for you to deal with but his parents. You are doing absolutely the right thing that not allowing him back into your house until you feel you can trust you and your family are safe again.

IAmNotACat Wed 23-Nov-16 02:46:34

I used to collect knives and make things with sharp blades when I was that age. It was for self harm. Having lots of knives made me feel better, which is strange to type now!

Just another thing to consider.

TheCakes Wed 23-Nov-16 22:30:22

I was just about to ask about self harm. But threatening your DD takes it to another level too.
Can you and/or his dad go and see him at his mum's to have this conversation with him? It needs to happen but I understand your reticence in having him home.

OohhThatsMe Wed 23-Nov-16 22:41:31

I don't think you should live with your partner just yet. He may well need to take care of his son and that wouldn't work with your family. Wait a while.

ThePeoplesChamp Wed 23-Nov-16 22:48:57

I'm sorry, what on earth?!?!?! Why are some saying that these weapons may not be serious. The kid has used one to threaten his sister! That shows entirely that HE considers these to be WEAPONS and he is in the frame of mind to use them for menace, be it injury or threat of.

I'm sorry youre going through this OP, worrying time for you all. I think the lad really needs help regardless of whether or not you have him home.

ThePeoplesChamp Wed 23-Nov-16 22:56:58

Also..... the daughter has an absolute right to feel safe and not be threatened in her own home.

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