14yr old girl and friends *please help*(5 Posts)
Hi, I need urgent help regarding my 14yr old daughter. She has always been quite shy but often loud and funny around people who know her. She had no friends in nursery due to challenging behaviour and she didn't seem to understand emotions. She had a small but great group of friends from reception to year 3 and loved to spend time with them and she always seemed happy and was always going to parties ect. By year 4 things started to escalate as she started to withdraw herself from friends as she would often fall out with them over little things. She also was very slightly chubby which meant she started getting picked on. In Y6 she moved schools as we moved house and she spent the whole of Y6 sitting by herself which I know she hated, she sometimes spoke to the other girls in her class but very rarely. In Y7 she made friends with a girl with Down syndrome who was very nice but moved schools and she was her only good friend. During the end of Y7 she made friends with a very smart group of girls who were nice at first although she never went around their houses and never turned up to ours even though they'd been invited but they started calling her fat ect by the end of year 8 which gave her no choice other than to make a new group of friends. Since the start of year 9 she's been sitting with an at first glance nice friendly girl but has now been turning against DD and blowing her out for any trips or even lunch into town and is constantly calling her a bitch and at times being abusive over text and social media to her. She is also very unreliable. She's constantly angry at DD because of her doctor visits for her treatment and calls her a selfish bitch ect. She has sat with her and been good friends with her since Y9 and they got on great for atleast the first 6 months. I'd paid for her friend to go to the cinema, lunch out and even taken her on a weekend away. I feel awful for DD as she's giving up on life and I just need to find her some good friends!!
Please give me some advise or any charities for bullied children or friendship groups in the UK. I am at breaking point at DD has been in tears for months. She's in year 10.
It is hard - some children seem to be natural victims of this sort of thing. One of my DDs had a dreadful time in secondary school - the dreadful bitchiness from one gang of girls was appalling. Luckily she had a good friend who went to a different school and who stayed by her out of school. Can your DD go out and join other activities away from these girls? It is soul-destroying for them. I used to think how awful it would be if I had had to go to work each day and endure anything similar.
I am sorry that your DD is havng such a bad time.
She goes to a youth group every other week which her Bestfriend refused to go to as she couldn't be bothered even though she lives about a 2/3 minute walk away. It's very small and only has 6 children who attend ranging from 10-14 and there is one boy she thinks is nice but he's only 11 so she thinks people will think she is weird if she makes friends with him. I know they chat and play board games ect when she's there. I really think she needs to move to a different youth club but the problem is she's been going to this youth club since she was 11 and is very close with the staff. I remember my time at school and all the bitchy girls who used to taunt me I really hope things get better for her when she goes to college but it seems ages away. She is unable to do any sport clubs as she is in the early stages of recovering from an eating disorder. She doesn't like art and she's not into singing. I don't know what else to suggest, ive tried everything I can to help her. I know she's getting picked on at school but I do agree with her doing things away from those girls. If anyone can suggest a type of group to try ect id be so grateful for any ideas.
Can she do some volunteer work? My dd started volunteering weekly at our local hospital when she turned 14. They had her work the reception desk with another lady. She learned so much in terms of how best to help people, how to talk to them so they are receptive, even how to safely and gently refuse entry to visitors who patients don't want to see! She also saw real people in bad situations, which really helped her put her own problems in perspective. Other good volunteering places include animal shelters (if she likes animals), old people's homes, women's shelters, etc.
Such difficult situation you are in. You can't really "make friends" for dd, but it's just so hard to watch them suffer.. I hope things get better soon.
Poor girl School is really horrible. All I can suggest is that she is not alone in being lonely at that school and that there are guaranteed to be others feeling isolated and picked on.
I was in a similar situation at times, but by the end of year 10, just accepted that this was how it was and stopped caring about it in the same way. Just thought, 'I'm only here to do my work and go home'. Was hard at first but soon became a mantra. By year 11, I was unintentionally within a group who equally didn't give a shit what others thought about them.
I think by going to uni/FE she will find her kindred spirits...
One positive is that school doesn't last forever and she is nearly at the end of it. Volunteering is a really good idea!
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