DD is 21. Love her dearly but she has always been a mix of shy, stubborn, lazy and very messy. She finds it very hard to make friends, most of the time she tags along with her older sister.
She didn't go to university and wants to be a singer songwriter. She's actually quite good and has had her songs played on local and national radio but she's doesn't put the time or the effort into marketing and business side of things and doesn't show up to gigs of she doesn't feel like it.
I bought a house and renovated for her to live in and rent out the other rooms. She couldn't get on with any of her housemates didn't pay the rent or the bills and ran up huge debts.
When I visited the place was strewn pizza boxes and smelled of weed. Over the course of six months things went from bad to worse. She eventually asked me to lend her the money to pay the bills. I was only willing to do this if she agreed to work full time in order to pay me back.
She agreed but the next day took an overdose and said it was because she didn't want to make promises she couldn't keep to me about the work.
She attended one counselling session arranged by the hospital but has refused to go back to any others. The counsellor she saw told her that he didn't think she was depressed but that she needed help managing her feelings.
When she came out of hospital I moved her back home. This was four months ago. I have arranged for her to get a casual job at my work. It took a lot of cajoling and begging for her to go on the training courses needed to do the job. Some days she doesn't show up at work but because they are very short staffed they put up with it.
She doesn't pay any anything towards rent food or bills but has started paying me back for the debts I paid off on her behalf. Her room is a tip, she leaves a trail of mess through the house. If I ask her to help out around the house I usually get a tirade about how unsupportive I am and how hard things are for her. I never know what mood she's going to be in whether angry, tearful, or just grunting.
I'm on tenterhooks worried that if I insist that she helps out she'll take another overdose. Both her sister and I think the overdose was her way of getting me to look after her.
My hair is falling out. My GP referred me to a specialist who diagnosed Alopecia areata, “probably exacerbated by stress”. I've lost around 50% of my hair and now have to wear scarves most of the time. I've tried counselling and meditation for myself and these are helping, but the hair loss (and other unexplained medical issues) still continue.
Some morningd I have to litetally stand over her to get her to get dressed and go to work, yet the days when she does go to work she acknowledges that she is in a much better mood.
I have suggested now that she is working she moves out to a shared house which her sister manages. She gets on well with one of the people in the house in it's not too far from her work. She says she can't cope on her own buy I don't think I can cope with her here.
Am I being unreasonable in wanting her to move out.
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AIBU in asking DD to move out
14 replies
ffab · 14/11/2016 11:27
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