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Givng lifts to 13 year old dd

(9 Posts)
HenryIX Sun 13-Nov-16 10:27:43

Dh takes dd to school and collects every day. This is the best way to get her in on time, buses would be such a faff of walking, changing buses, more walking, its just easier to do this. I have no problem with this.
But I do think she should be more independent the rest of the time, and not expect lifts all over the place at weekends.
I suggested that she and her friends go into town on the bus today, instead of getting driven in and collected.
She said no way, none of her friends have to do this, and I'm not fair.
AIBU to want her to be more independent at 13? Or is it still too young? I was getting the bus to school from 11, but that was hundreds of years ago. Have things changed that much?
What age did your dcs start getting themselves around?

Thatwaslulu Sun 13-Nov-16 10:34:32

My DS has been getting two buses to school each morning (and the same home again) since he was 10. He is now 16. We only have one car and DH works shifts so often isn't available to give lifts. He is at cadets every Monday and Thursday between 6 and 9, and get the bus home after that too.

claraschu Sun 13-Nov-16 10:42:01

I agree with you.

I think that you could start having her take the bus to or from school occasionally (for instance if your husband is not feeling great or is having a busy day), and that will help. She will realise that taking the bus is not so hard and she will be more grateful for the rides she does get.

My children all started taking the bus quite early, and I think it is an important step towards independence, not just being independently mobile, but learning to deal with the unpredictable (lost phone, lost bus money, bus rerouting because of roadwork, etc.). Kids need to learn that shit happens; it's a pain, but not a big deal in the long run. Some of my children's friends would panic in an unfamiliar situation because they haven't learned to keep their cool, ask for help, wait calmly, etc.

Sparklingbrook Sun 13-Nov-16 10:46:43

I have a 14 year old DS. He often gets the train into town with his friends. If DH or I are around to take him we do if not he gets the train.

HenryIX Sun 13-Nov-16 10:48:31

She suffers from mild anxiety, so the stress of having to get to school on time would be one step too far, I think. We also don't live near any of her friends, so she would be on her own, the only one from her school on the bus. But at the weekend, with her friends, and no time constraints I think would be easier.

leonardthelemming Sun 13-Nov-16 16:18:20

Definitely learn how to use buses and trains. 13 is certainly not too young. DS2 made his first independent train journey aged about 7 (put on the train by me and met by his mum). By 15 he was able to fly halfway round the world on his own.

Also, how about cycling? Minor rural roads carry relatively little traffic, and many towns now have a good network of traffic-free cycle paths. There may even be a Safe Routes To Schools scheme in your area.

HenryIX Sun 13-Nov-16 16:34:32

She can't ride a bike, and it's far from rural, she would have to go on a major A road out of the city, passing a round about that leads onto a motorway.

I tried to get her on the bus today. She was all prepared, knew the route had the money etc. Friend was dropped off here, and her mum said ,'Oh you can't get the bus, I'll drive you' . friends mum then hung around and dropped her home again. Grrr. But I couldn't seem ungreatful, so I just smiled and waved.

claraschu Mon 14-Nov-16 09:03:07

How about occasionally having her take the bus home from school if getting there on time is a problem?

swingofthings Wed 16-Nov-16 14:44:41

DD was a bit precious about having to walk to activities/going out when she was that age. She's now 16 and even when I offer, she often tells me that it's ok and she's happy to walk there/back (and yes, she is where she says she is). DS is 13 and at times seem to expect me to pick him up, at other times is very happy to walk on his own.

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