Suicidal teen on drugs.

[mummytofour]

My son is 16, he has told me he has suicidal thoughts and says his head is messed up. He uses weed to help him sleep and is missing a lot of college, I have advised him of the affects of weed but he says it's all he has to help him. I noticed he wasn't eating and sleeping and changes in behaviour so I snooped in his room and found drugs and messages on his computer offering weed to mates.

I approached him and he told me he has people after him, he's been selling weed on their turf. We took him to the doctor and have a referral to the mental health team but this will take time. He wants to move out of home and for us to agree which we do not think is sensible but he is so angry and suicidal. Last night he put his fist through a wall and headbutted the door as he's struggling to cope. He went to work then came home saying he's taken ecstasy to feel better.
I want to speed up getting him help, is there a way to do this..if he agrees...he seems to think moving out will help, probably because we know about the drug use. We have other children and the house is so unbearable for them. Last weekend he smashed up my room because I confiscated an LSD tab I found under his bed, we phoned the Frank website for help and they advised with regards to the drug use but it's the behaviour and threat to himself I'm concerned about.

When he was crying and punching the wall I felt so broken for him. What can I do? He goes from begging me to help him to begging we let him move out to some druggies house to threatening suicide. He suggested he moves above his work where he's been told he can stay for free doing extra shifts...that's what he is desperate to do.

[Chimchar]

Jesus Mummy. That sounds so awful for you all....

I'm not sure I have any advice to be honest, but I wanted to let you know that I'd read and can't begin to imagine how you and your lovely ds must be feeling...

At 16, does he come under child or adult services? Mental health crisis team? Can you go to your GP about him? Local drug support agency, or a family support type group for you to go and speak to other parents who have been where you are?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Chimchar]

Sorry. Have just re read your op. It sounds like this could be classed as a crisis situation is what I am getting at, and so your go may be able to speed up the process.

It's great he has let you into his world....maybe he wants you to help him make it stop, which is why he's told you.... Would the police be appropriate do you think?

[junebirthdaygirl]

In lreland so not familiar with set up there bit is there rehab units for teens. Only one in lreland but it does fantastic work. Would be a safe place for him but cannot only go if agreeing to give up drugs. My heart breaks for him as it's a scary place for him to be in. Keep telling him you love him but have zero tolerance for drugs in the house. And do call the police when he starts violent behaviour. If there is a unit call it up and ask for advise.

[poppym12]

I don't know what to say but didn't want to read and run. The fact that he is telling you about his drug use and feelings implies that he does want help. I hope you can get some assistance and advice soon.

[lazymum99]

If he is self medicating to cope with mental health issues I should not think he will be willing to try and stop without help,
As well as your mental health referral look and see if you have an organisation like Addaction in your area. They will see him quite quickly. Also sometimes there are drug/mental health organisations that specialise in 16-25 year olds.
Is there any way you can afford to go private. In order to get psychiatric help that covers the drug issue and the underlying mental health problems this is the optimum way.
without dealing with the underlying problem at the same time as the drug issues it will just rear its ugly head again.
As much as it would make your house more peaceful without him, letting him go and live elsewhere would be dangerous.

[nobodyputsbabyinthecornor]

Sorry you are going through this mummy. Not to scare you but your son sounds exactly like my niece and sadly she commited suicide last year. I can't describe the hole she has left in all our lives. My advice would be to let him know how much you all love him and want to help him. I always wish my sister hasn't let my niece move out . I know it's hard for your other children but if you could just keep him there at least until he gets some help. I don't know how services work in the UK because I live in ireland but please get him help as soon as possible, whatever way you can. Look after yourself , I can't imagine how your feeling x

[Blossomflowers]

Hi *Mummyto" I feel your pain I am going through a very similar thing with my DS 16, he has no job has quit college and has dealt in weed to fund his own habit. I have been though the CaHMS system when he was 14 and did find them helpful. I have another thread running atm. Your son is probably scared of the people whose turf he is treading on and most likely why he wants to move, it is a very shady business and causes so much heartache. So hard to know what to so, must be hard for having younger kids to deal with.

[notarehearsal]

Agree with what lazy mum says.
IME weed dealers tend to also deal cocaine and where money is involved you're right to be really concerned. Having been in similar situations I'd advise keeping your son as close to you for as long as you are able. He may be going down a slippery slope or he may be experimenting and grow out of it, given the chance. But at 16 he's unlikely to survive in the world out there, particularly where the dealers are involved. Before he knows it, he'd be running for them, just to pay back..
I do hope he is only involved with weed. The young people I've looked after only became aggressive when cocaine became involved ( and I'm truly trying to word this carefully to cause the least possible distress)
I'm unsure if this relates to a 16 year old but 'duel diagnosis' can be used for over 18's when there is a mental health and drug abuse diagnosis
My thoughts are with you

[mummytofour]

Thanks for your replies, he is talking every day about the idea of moving out. He said he is so worried about how angry he is becoming and wants to be more independent. He has decided to confide in the sixth form head about his feelings particularly suicidal thoughts which is a big step but he won't let go about moving out. I am very worried for him but I can't stop him, he is a very determined lad.

I don't want him to go, I just hope that the place he's considering will refuse due to his age. I hadn't thought of going private, I will look into it. Such a worry :(

[fairydustandpixies]

Mummy, I feel for you. I'm also in the same situation. My 17yr DS is smoking weed, taking MDMA and cocaine. Last week he took an overdose of paracetamol, ran out of the house and I had to call 999 and the police searched for him with the drug dog.

Last night, a drug deal happened through my letter box.

I've installed security cameras in the house and changed all the locks to enforce a curfew on him. He doesn't have a key and he knows if he's not back by the time I state, then he's locked out.

It's so heartbreaking to watch, seeing your baby going completely off the rails. I would urge you to start updating the police and report everything. Our son's are part of a much bigger operation and it won't be long before someone gets killed. I've made dozens of reports to the police over the past few weeks (I'm stunned at how quickly the drug use has escalated and how my son has changed), I have a marker on my address and they are building a case. I've also managed to take my son to a local youth advice centre and they've referred him for counselling (three month wait) and to the substance abuse team.

Don't give up fighting for him. As for him leaving home, again, I have the same issues but I keep saying I won't throw him out and as such the council won't rehouse him. All the time he's under 18 I'm determined to get my son back on track.

Keep doing everything you're doing to support him. You can't do anything more. Sending you lots of hugs.