Moral dilemma

[pjm33cakes]

Please mums out there could someone help me with this!
My son (17) went to a party/gathering he came home alone watched him walk up path came in - little bit drunk 🙄 but ok starting heating up food! 😂
20 mins later or so husband and i in bed heard noise outside house giggling voices shouting etc thought no more of it
Next morning there is a rucksack in the middle of a hedge in our front garden - husband retrieves it thought it might have valuable stuff in it etc with view to reuniting it with owner - opened to find drug paraphenilia ( a bong) stunk of cannabis, and a portable music speaker
Husband very cleverly takes music speaker out and says to our 17 yr old oh do you know who this might belong to found it in our garden. He replies oh thats charlies ( best friend) whats that doing there?
So we tell him it was in a bag with other stuff that we are concerned about.
I know charlies mum - do i tell her? How do i tell her?
Son obviously going mental - this will ruin our friendship etc frankly i dont care esp if his best mate is doing this - worried my son involved although he vehemently denies it

[CostaBrava]

No, why would you tell her?

[IHaveBrilloHair]

I wouldn't, not at 17.

[HaPPy8]

I would

[GiveMyHeadPeaceffs]

I'd just hand the rucksack over to his friend's mum and let her look for herself.

[PippaFawcett]

What usual said.

[Yuckky]

I'm not sure. Sorry not helpful. I think I wouldn't but if I was friends with Charlie's Mum I might. I've known about my DCs friends taking drugs and haven't said anything in the past.

I would get some cheapy drug test from Amazon and test your son though.

[SnaggleBeast]

I don't thinkI'd do anything at 17 other than have aanother conversation about drugs with my son.

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

Nope, wouldn't say anything.

[misshelena]

Agree with Givemyhead.
Ds can text charlie and say that "oh, btw, my mom found your bag this afternoon (eg. while we were at school), and just gave it back to your ma."
No one in your family knows what's in it.

[pjm33cakes]

Thanks for the input mums - my husband and i went out for a very long walk and left it with ds that when we got back we wanted that bag off our property and that friend needs to collect it ( dont want ds delivering it ) - is a difficult situation as there are four lads ( inc our son) who are in a band together and its this one in particular who is in essence a nice lad but seems to be going down the wrong path - there seem to be a lot of opinions saying not to tell but i just cant help feeling though if it was my son i would want to know?

[therootoftheroot]

I would definitely tell her!

[IminaPickle]

Do you know Charlie yourself? I think I'd talk to him directly.

[enolagayits0815]

What would you want to happen if it was your son's bag in their garden? That's your answer.

[crispandcheesesanwichplease]

If the friend was 14 or 15 I might tell his parents, if he was 17 and the drugs were heroin or something similarly hard I'd seriously consider telling the parents.

But he's 17 and it's cannabis. I know that there's a lot of info out there telling of the dangers of cannabis and drug induced psychosis in teenage boys but I have known many teenage boys who smoke cannabis to little ill effect.

[garlicandsapphire]

What crispandcheese said. My DD is 16 many friends 17 and she says 60 -70 percent of her year smoke weed. No one likes the thought of excess - in alcohol or cannabis - it is damaging but in moderation I don't think its that alarming or unusual (it wasn't in my day either). In reality your Ds is probably smoking it too. Thats just real world.

I'd not go telling anyone. It really could affect DS's relationship not just with his pal but wider circle.

[Yuckky]

Weed isn't the innocuous drug some people seem to think it is these days. It's usually a lot, lot stronger than it used to be. Lots of people can use it and not have any issues but it really screws some people up especially* some teen boys. I wouldn't be cool about my DC using it at all. I wouldn't want them risking their mental health. The links between pot use and schizophrenia and other similar conditions is very real.. I'd be far less concerned if they used it in their 20's iyswim

Also, I really would t want them involved in something that benefits the drug trade and organized - it's not a few hippies growing a few plants in their grannies greenhouse these days.

I know a lot of kids use it but it doesn't make it ok.

[stonecircle]

Why was it in your hedge? Are you really sure it doesn't have something to do with your DS ?

[saoirse31]

I'd tell his parents. If it was ur D's, would u like to know or not? There's ur answer.

[lljkk]

hand complete bag 2 C's mom, she gets next move.

[stonecircle]

Given that people tend to hang out with people who have similar interests and tastes I'd be keeping a very close eye on DS if I were you op. You seem certain it is all down to the other boy and your DS isn't involved. You may be being a bit naive.

[MidLifeCrunch]

I'd be far more concerned that the chance that my child wasn't doing drugs is pretty slim.
And then give the bag to Charlie's mum.

[userformallyknownasuser1475360]

It's Charlie's speaker but is the other stuff in the bag Charlie's?

The thing is you are happy to let DS drink alcohol, and I suppose allow Charlie to drink without telling Charlies mum? What's the difference?

To me although both are pretty bad I think that alcohol should be more of a concern than the cannabis - although I wouldn't be happy about either.