Self harm obsessive love 15 DD changed(6 Posts)
Hi all - last week I found out via school my 15 DD is self harming since found alarming pictures of what she has done to herself - she is an intense obsessive relationship with a boy who also has self harm history I have now learnt
They message each other constantly send pictures of the self harm that scared me
We also then found out about weed smoking - found the stuff in her room my hubby is in the police so we had to report it - she was interviewed and given a stern talk and referred to a help centre for 1 hour talk about drugs
Since then we now learn more about her lies and this intense relationship I've taken her phone and they appear to have some hold on each other but from what I read nothing sexual is ever mentioned it's all really expressive love talk!
She has promised me she has stopped harming and her arms and legs are almost healed but the pictures I found show her arms with grafic words of hatred on her body !
The drugs I think she has learned a lesson - I hope we have yet to Face school where it took place she is terrified about been my suspended or worse - I have said this will prob happen ! Police r going to school to interview the people she named who she got the drugs from at school.
What worries me most is her state of mind she says she is depressed and unhappy and only this boy makes her happy - I think he has lead her down his road how do I deal with this relationship ?
I have taken her bank account away until she rebuilds the trust - I've hacked her account and seen messages that show me the depth of lies
Any advice - my worry is her state of
Mind the self harm and the boyfriend influence on her
I have learnt more that the weed smoking has been going on longer and probably supported the self harm as her bf does this - I really have to stop her seeing the boy but this could tip her over he edge she has threatened to kill herself
So sorry, this has happened, it sounds really difficult. I think your daughter needs to visit the GP, who can then access services who can help with self harm, which I understand is unfortunately quite common. It might also be good for her to have someone outside the family who she can talk to, as at the moment I imagine that everyone's emotions will be running very high.
Take her to the GP who can refer to CAMHs about the self harm and suicide threats.
Also talk to the school, they should also have pastoral leaders who can talk to her about things, including the unhealthy relationship.
It's a tricky one, trying to split up the relationship could push it into 'forbidden love' territory where she then hides it from you and it becomes even more intense. You need her to keep talking about it.
My DD had this sort of intense relationship and it really affected her MH. She pushed everyone away but him , it was so unhealthy. They spilt up after a long year and I think she's slowly improving but the problem is the more you discourage it the more she was drawn to him and away from us, it seemed to help not really mentioning it but I put rules in place. Things like phone downstairs at 10.30 every night as they were messaging/talking all night , only seeing each other 1 week night , 1 weekend night. To be honest I'm so pleased it's over it was an abusive relationship but both were codependent and ruining each other.
Ty fellow mums we r visiting school Monday to discuss the situation as the police will be visiting them - it's just so out of the blue We have been to docs and getting a referral and school have put a student support lady on her case but they don't know about the weed I've emailed but it's half term - monday will be a scary day for her facing school and she gave the police the names all all those involved - this boy is my worry his family know about his weed and self harm and haven't done anything I have learnt but nothing to back it up - I read an email they want my daughter to go on holiday with them - that's never happening !
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