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15 year old DD - what to do about clothing issues

(50 Posts)
MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 13:04:58

Firstly hi all, I'm a new member so hope this is the right place and doesn't give the wrong first impression or too much of a bad one! My 15 year old DD is your typical teenage girl I imagine, she does well at school and doesn't give us too much trouble beyond usual arguments, but I must admit to being a bit uncomfortable with how she dresses when going to see friends/parties. I'm not prudish I don't think (not with some of what I used to wear) but it makes me worry a bit at her age and how it might make others view her. I won't go on too much but it's come to a head having seen what she intended to wear for a Halloween party next weekend, I don't usually say anything and have bought her clothes I wasn't totally ok with before as I know a lot of her friends and other girls her age wear the same sort of things, but did this time, and she's got upset saying I'm denying her right to wear what she wants and need to get into the modern world! Maybe I'm making too much of it but just wondering what to do, if I let her wear it now I'll feel I'm undermining myself but if I don't she'll maybe feel left out. DH agrees with me on this but says maybe I'm partly responsible for having bought and let her wear other clothes we weren't ok with before. Maybe we're both overreacting? Confusing on a Sunday afternoon!

FirstworldprobIems Sun 23-Oct-16 13:15:44

Well, what are the clothes you aren't happy with and why?

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 13:24:00

Your name probably sums up my issues...they are generally very revealing though particularly this outfit. Maybe I should let her express herself but she is young and younger than she probably believes herself to be.

cdtaylornats Sun 23-Oct-16 14:14:53

What do you think is going to happen?

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 14:18:29

How revealing is revealing ?

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 14:21:02

I despair of sexy Halloween costumes i think they are ridiculous however it is a costume I dont thinki would stop my Dd from wearing one

lljkk Sun 23-Oct-16 14:22:21

I know a lot of her friends and other girls her age wear the same sort of things

So find a pic on google images to show us.

Do terrible things happen to most of these girls wearing the same sort of things, just because of what they wore?

FrazzleM Sun 23-Oct-16 14:24:09

I'm guessing that photos of your DD in this costume may appear on social media? Is this something you are concerned about?

NameChangeyy Sun 23-Oct-16 14:26:03

What lljkk said...

But to be honest I'd just tell her sexy at halloween was like, 3 years ago! Most people are all about the liquid latex and looking absolutely horrific. She'll be committing a fashion faux pas! thlwink

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 14:37:36

MrsJayy I agree they are ridiculous.

FrazzleM That is a concern, and of course once it's on social media it's there forever, though she'd no doubt be putting them up herself anyway.

NameChangeyy She should know that better than me but I'll let her know I've heard that anyway! I've never dressed up for halloween and am not too "with it" on what's in now!

I'm not saying something will happen or that any girls who dress in revealing clothing are inviting something to and would never want to make her think that either. Maybe it's me getting old.

lljkk Sun 23-Oct-16 14:42:45

Embarrassing pics could be awkward if she wants a job in authority in future, like teaching, lawyer, HCP, etc. There's some mileage in making that point.

My 15yo doesn't do sexy yet, thank goodness.

Meadows76 Sun 23-Oct-16 14:46:29

Without knowing what clothes you are talking about it is very hard to say

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 14:47:08

lljkk that's true, thanks for the tip. As she does take school very seriously that sort of thing might get through, although she might not consider any pics embarrassing but it's worth a try! I'm a little concerned she shouldn't really be doing "sexy" at 15. Maybe I've allowed it to happen.

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 14:48:23

Well this one in particular is supposed to be a "devil" outfit but just seems an excuse for a dress which is very low cut and short.

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 14:58:33

Dd went as a Sexy pirate 1 year <sigh> she is now a police officer the photos are now off facebook its fine they dont really come back to haunt them.

cdtaylornats Sun 23-Oct-16 15:00:58

Find a picture of something similar on Google from 5+ years ago. Show it to her a say its okay I just realised they were wearing those year ago. No fashion conscious teenager will want to be seen in something so old-fashioned.

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 15:02:08

I honestly think its exploring their sexuality I know she is only 15 and you want to protect her i had a rule of no bum cheeks hanging out and if anybody can see knickers it was far to short.

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 15:04:38

MrsJayy great to hear your DD now has a great job. I would think with all the photos constantly going up on Facebook, Instagram etc and being shared around there are a lot of potentially embarrassing photos out there of lots of young people, which they'd rather not have around in the future.

cdtaylornats great idea, hehe.

Meadows76 Sun 23-Oct-16 15:05:58

It's slightly concerning that anyone thinks teenage pics are going to spoil job opportunities. I mean if it were something racist or the like then I could understand it but revealing clothes? It's not going to prevent her being a teacher or lawyer if that's what she chooses to do confused that's not to say I think it's acceptable for 15yo to wear next to nothing, but it is extreme to link it to future opportunities.

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 15:06:29

Yes and I don't want her to think it's wrong to express herself or that she should be ashamed or not feel free to, but as you say, she's only 15 and it makes me uncomfortable. There are times bum cheeks are showing and I have expressed shock I could see her knickers...I got eyes rolled at me...

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 17:22:58

I used to say things in a jokey way nobody wants to see your pants keep them as underwear there is a fine line between wanting them to go out with bits covered and not shaming them if that makes sense i swear they do it to shock and get attention.

RaingodswithZippos Sun 23-Oct-16 17:28:12

I was never confident enough to wear short clothes at 15 but low cut - as long as the boobs looked luscious, I was happy. However my mum showed me photos of herself as a teenager in the 60s and 70s. Her dresses skimmed her arse and she used to wear "cute" character knickers over the top of her tights so that she was more modest going up the top deck on the bus.

These fashions come and go, and 15 is the age for starting to explore sexuality. I wouldn't worry.

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 17:32:20

I didnt wear short stuff at that age i dont have the legs for it but there was boobage, im quite modest nowadays my nan used to say legs or bust not both s tuck with that grin

MrsJessD Sun 23-Oct-16 17:42:36

Haha I should make it more jokey, I did try to when I said "oh my, I can see your knickers!" but it probably came across shocked/prudish and she sighed and rolled her eyes in that exasperated way only teenage girls can! I suppose it's easy to forget quickly, I definitely tested my mum's tolerance as a teenager too, so maybe I shouldn't but I do feel uncomfortable at seeing her breasts not exactly hidden away/bra showing (but I agree it would be wrong to shame her or any girls for that). DD seems to go for legs, boobs or both!!

MrsJayy Sun 23-Oct-16 17:46:47

I think maybe you are taken aback that she is growing into a young woman and its not sitting right with you at the moment

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