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Mixed sleepover(10 Posts)
DS (17) wants to go on a sleepover with his 2 friends and three girls who are the same age as his sister (14). Usually I'd be fine with him going around to his friends house overnight as he's sensiable and they don't drink much if at all and tend just to chat and watch the TV. However I told DS that I wasn't comfortable with him being around girls who are only in year 10 whilst he is in year 13 as his other friends may take advantage of them. There's just something that doesn't feel quite right about this. Should I just let him go or do I need to put my foot down?
I can't see why he'd want to hang around 14yr olds..
It does seem like a bigger than usual age gap (although if they were 27 and 24 nobody would bat an eyelid). Having said that, 14-year-old girls can often look and act quite a bit older, so is it possible the boys don't know they are in Year 10?
As for letting him go though, at 17 I don't think you can realistically stop him. He could in principle be living on his own, after all. Perhaps just give him some advice to pass on to his friends - age of consent laws, etc.
I would put my foot down. These are underage girls who are significantly younger than the boys. Should something sexual happens the boys can get in lot of trouble, especially if parents of one of the girls decide to pursue it. Even just witnessing can get him in trouble with the law.
I would've said it was okay if they were the same(or closer) age but not if the girls are only 14.
The age gaps would be bother me, so I'd say no.
If it's your ds, his two friends and these girls, then is that three 17 yr old boys and three 14 yr old girls? As the mother of a 14 yr old girl I'd be horrified if 17 yr old boys were in attendance at a sleepover. As the mother of a 17 yr old (girl), I really can't imagine any of her male friends wanting to hang around with 14 yr olds, so I'm wondering what the interest is. But I don't allow mixed sleepovers at 14 anyway. Are the parents of the girls aware?
With those age gaps, i wouldn't be happy at all. At 17 I can't really see what you can do though?
What are the parents of the 14 year olds thinking!? I'd perhaps tell him you really don't think it's a good idea and that having a sleep over with girls whose parents apparently (?) have no issue with this should have alarm bells ringing. It really doesn't look good and could get him an undeserved reputation.
I know some PPs are saying that at 17 there's not much you can do (and I have one of my own so I know what you mean). But I would actually try to stop him going if I possibly could, tbh. He's leaving himself open to all sorts of risks. My own 17 yr old still wouldn't go somewhere that I'd told her not to go, if I gave a good explanation as to why. (But she has ASD and is quite rule-bound, so it may be different with others of her age.)
I would stop my son of 17 from doing that. In fact, I would be appalled that he even thought it was an option in the first place.
The fact that he has openly told you about this plan suggests that he's naive rather than having any bad intentions, btw. And the fact that you're talking about whether to 'let him go' or 'put your foot down' suggests that you still do have some control over what he does. It's definitely an occasion to exercise that IMO, and give him a bit of a wake-up talk.
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